Am i not the wife type??

[rimsh_1]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

@Anil Khan

Nia, remember one thing when you get married: Learn to love your in-laws as your own parents and inshAllah they will love you as a daughter. This will do two things: (a) keep your husband happy, and if he's happy you'll be happy; (b) you will truly feel part of your new family; you won't have second thoughts about your actions, everything you do will feel natural.

its as simple as that, if only ppl would read the Holy Quran. it spells out everything so clearly:)

[Sara516]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

I think Sahar put it perfectly [in another thread], marriage sounds scary when its abstract concept, but once u get to know someone.. it doesnt seem so scary :)

[_pyari_sii_bachi]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

just pray and hope that u get a nice, decent fellow....cause it really all comez down to everyone'z naseeb...

[appkiamaanat]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

Nia I know what you mean...I've heard and seen so many situations like the ones you mentioned above that I sometimes also feel like the risk isn’t worth it. I guess I’m not the ‘wifey type’ either because I would not just stay in a relationship with a husband who was sleeping around and I don’t want to be babysitting him scared that he MIGHT be doing something.

Nia don’t lose all hope… I have seen couples that still have wonderful, healthy marriages; it just takes some work. :-) When the time comes get to know as much about him and his family before marriage. Keep the eye like a hawk on him before marriage and don’t get into anything you aren’t comfortable with. Insh’Allah if you respect your husband and safeguard yourself for him only he will also be yours.

Btw…I thought you got married?? ;)

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

@XChorniX

i feel the same sista…i’ve given up on desis though..i’ve heard the same horrifying stories…

im thinking i shall settle on either a convert or an arab or someone who’s not a desi

door kay dhol suhanay.. you think in general arab men treat their wives better than desi men do in general? reality is very different.

[Mr_Fraudia]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

nia.. you can look at the bad examples and get disheartened ir good examples and relax, or you can try to make it a point to do proper due diligence for who you will marry and even after that do all u can to maintain a healthy, loving and mutually respectful relationship.

[Hinna]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

I believe it all comes down to your faith. If you're a good muslim- you practice what Islam preaches, then you relationship with your spouse flourishes. However, if you stray from the deen the chances of you have problems increase. (Just my two sense.) :)

[_pyari_sii_bachi]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

@Hinna

I believe it all comes down to your faith. If you're a good muslim- you practice what Islam preaches, then you relationship with your spouse flourishes. However, if you stray from the deen the chances of you have problems increase. (Just my two sense.) :)

Very true..

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

@Anil Khan

Nia, remember one thing when you get married: Learn to love your in-laws as your own parents and inshAllah they will love you as a daughter. This will do two things: (a) keep your husband happy, and if he's happy you'll be happy; (b) you will truly feel part of your new family; you won't have second thoughts about your actions, everything you do will feel natural.

(Assuming that you do get married into an extended family).

anil perhaps YOUR parents may treat ur wife like a daughter or a princess in their home. However keep in mind....not ALL parents are like that. there are some DILs out there that try so hard to keep everyone happy but the in-laws are still not pleased. Life is not as easy as you think. I wish it was though.

back to the topic....so sad to hear such stories like the one's nia mentioned but these stories are not just limited to desi's.... it happens in many non-desi marriages as well.

[XChorniX]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

SO- i was always urs

and everyone thanks…but i mean it’s not just a few stories but almost everyone i hear or see it’s the same problem. if it’s not the husband then it’s the in-laws…and if the in-laws are good then the hubby turns out to be a freak…

chameli im very happy for u..may u and ur hubby have a wonderful and happy future insh’Allah and Ameen…and i do pray but im just very very scared…i used to think positive and advise others but i’ve given up man…

fraudia bhai…but in arabs do the in-laws taang araa in everysingle matter like desis???

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

@XChorniX

SO- i was always urs

and everyone thanks…but i mean it’s not just a few stories but almost everyone i hear or see it’s the same problem. if it’s not the husband then it’s the in-laws…and if the in-laws are good then the hubby turns out to be a freak…

chameli im very happy for u..may u and ur hubby have a wonderful and happy future insh’Allah and Ameen…and i do pray but im just very very scared…i used to think positive and advise others but i’ve given up man…

fraudia bhai…but in arabs do the in-laws taang araa in everysingle matter like desis???

chorni…before you get married get to know not only ur potential husband but his family as well. take your time when getting married (i know i am). i think getting to know them and talking back and forth for at least a year (w/o being engaged)should suffice. The only thing is… not all parents are cool with that.

oh and…i come from an arab family and believe me these things do happen among arabs as well. The only plus point is…arabs typically dont live with the in-laws like desi’s do. At least not while the in-laws are healthy and have other children in the house.

[XChorniX]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

@AnGeL EyEs

chorni…before you get married get to know not only ur potential husband but his family as well. take your time when getting married (i know i am). i think getting to know them and talking back and forth for at least a year (w/o being engaged)should suffice. The only thing is… not all parents are cool with that.

oh and…i come from an arab family and believe me these things do happen among arabs as well. The only plus point is…arabs typically dont live with the in-laws like desi’s do. At least not while the in-laws are healthy and have other children in the house.

hmph to tell u the truth..i don’t know what i want…im confused…Allah hu Alim…whoever it is..whether a convert/arab/desi…i hope i end up with a good man insh’Allah

thanks AE good luck

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

@XChorniX

hmph to tell u the truth..i don’t know what i want…im confused…Allah hu Alim…whoever it is..whether a convert/arab/desi…i hope i end up with a good man insh’Allah

thanks AE good luck

try not to think about it much. Inshallah you will marry a wonderful man oneday.

[appkiamaanat]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

@XChorniX

fraudia bhai…but in arabs do the in-laws taang araa in everysingle matter like desis???

YUP!! It’s the same with Arabs and recently I’ve discovered some of my American friends dealing with the same mother-in-law issues. Chorni just accept the fact that the saas/bahu rhista is very delicate. I’m not on the saas side lakin I’ve noticed some bahus creating problems for themselves.

From my observations I’ve picked up some tips

1. Don’t be around each other too much, even if you live in the same house try to have some away time.

2. If there is ever a fight do NOT argue with her. At a later time discuss it with your husband and have him address the issue with her.

3. Always respect her, even if the only reasoning you can give yourself is that she is older.

4. Most importantly your aim should be to please your husband and he will never be happy if there is tension between you and his mother. She can never be your mother lakin you can TRY to give her the place of a ‘mother figure’ and care for her because she is dear to your hubby

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

@appkiamaanat

YUP!! It's the same with Arabs and recently I’ve discovered some of my American friends dealing with the same mother-in-law issues. Chorni just accept the fact that the saas/bahu rhista is very delicate. I’m not on the saas side lakin I’ve noticed some bahus creating problems for themselves.

From my observations I’ve picked up some tips :-D

1) Don’t be around each other too much, even if you live in the same house try to have some away time.

2) If there is ever a fight do NOT argue with her. At a later time discuss it with your husband and have him address the issue with her.

3) Always respect her, even if the only reasoning you can give yourself is that she is older.

4) Most importantly your aim should be to please your husband and he will never be happy if there is tension between you and his mother. She can never be your mother lakin you can TRY to give her the place of a ‘mother figure’ and care for her because she is dear to your hubby

good advice...however i dont feel that one should involve the husband.

and yea ..ive seen DILs that create problems for themselves as well.

[Anil_Khan]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

Angel Eyes: I realize that not all in-laws are loving towards their DIL. But I speak from my own situation and I know that my mom will treat her two DIL's like her own daughters, InshAllah.

[nia_khan]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

@SolarOceans

Nia, you say you think you aren’t cut out for marriage. I don’t know you that well but what I do know about you, I think you’re going to be great when you get married. He’s going to be lucky to have you b/c in every post that I read of yours, whether you are happy or sad, I see a lot of passion, intelligence and an endless supply of love. It’s contagious, always makes me smile. If you can find someone who thinks on the same wavelength you do, I don’t see how he wouldn’t be crazy about you.

Again, it all comes down to finding the right guy. Don’t let the wrong ones turn you off from all guys. They’re not all like that.

.

I am so touched :~). Thanks a milion Solar that meant a lot…
tum larka kio nahe ho? mein phir tum se shadi kar leti

Shayd tum sahi kehti ho.. but yaar dar lagta hai… bharoosa kisi ka jab tootata hai to bohot dukh hota hai…

[nia_khan]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

anil khan - you said about keeping everyone else happy what about my happiness? - marrying to extended family HELL NO

[Anil_Khan]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

^ If your husband is happy you'd be happy. But you don't want to marry into an extended family, fair enough.

[nia_khan]

Re: Am i not the wife type??

chameli :~) i had no idea you were married!

Lifeless— i have seen some educated people being mama’s little boys.. etc Education is definately part of it but sometimes its not…

larki - thanks for clearing watta satta to me

danish born desi- tumhara danish na bana don mein

dani bhai

evilmastermind :~) i guess what i meant by typical wife who listens to her husbands takes crap etc… you know i love reading your responses…

appkiamanat - obviously NOT

fraudz bhai has a point as well… *sigh… scared to go forward in this relationship…

Hina - i have seen some really religious girls ending up with terrible guys as well…