Re: Am I making a mistake?
lol, what kind of a guy makes hangama of wedding details?
Ditch the fool and find yourself a true alpha male.
Re: Am I making a mistake?
Maybe he’s just being a groomzilla.
But yeah, don’t just end it. Sit down with him and tell each other the issues you have.
Re: Am I making a mistake?
dude dont teach these girls to ditch the second they face a minor obstacle..we have already created monsters…girls dont put up with anything these days, and are always confused because they themselves dont know what they want and for them ending long term relationships is always an option on the table instead of putting in the effort and compromise to make it work..ending it should always be absolute last resort..need to stop their bullsh*t because it’ll come back to bite us men in the a$$
Re: Am I making a mistake?
Scenario #1](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) is a laalchi insaan who cares only for himself. Why on earth would anyone want to be with someone like that? And as far as knowing someone for 5 years, sometimes it’s major life decisions/milestones that makes the inner ugly come out and shows the true face of a person. While they’re dating, most people put their best foot forward, because dating is not marriage and dating is to impress the other person.
My opinion (and only my opinion) - her response should be predicated on his intent - why is he behaving the way he is. If she determines he’s a greedy and insensitive guy, why tie yourself like that to someone?
As for working on a relationship and compromising - I’m not seeing where catering to someone’s greed or tolerating their unreasonable and rude tantrums involves compromise. That’s just foolish.
Re: Am I making a mistake?
Yeah I doubt it that he’s been successfully hiding his ugly side for 5 years..if a person has a truly ugly side it comes out very fast..OP would have noticed it while being in a long term relationship with him
he’s behaving the way he is because the OP is clearly disrespecting him as well by saying he has no rights to provide his comments on shaadi/mehndi..who talks like that with their future husband/wife?! that’s definitely disrespectful and youre basically saying you dont care about their input or opinions
Re: Am I making a mistake?
His behavior seems abnormal and it seems like he is having second thoughts about marriage. I hope I am wrong. Guys have no problem in being in a relationship, but once they get married to their girlfriends, I think the novelty of the relationship wears off. Talk it out with him. Better to leave him now than to cry all life.
Re: Am I making a mistake?
I don’t know any guy that got this involved in wedding details…not even my husband who’s very particular about every little thing.
To me, this seems strange…he shouldn’t be yelling at you or demanding anything. Not because its not his right to do so…but out of respect for your parents’ wishes and their choices. Demanding anything from the brides’ parents looks very cheap.
If I were you, I’d have a chat with him. Talk to him calmly and ask him why these details are so important to him when the actual marriage is what he should be focusing on.
Also, him moving to the States since his wife is a doc and will be bringing in some serious cash is not being supportive. Its ensuring his future.
Re: Am I making a mistake?
There are guys I know that are more particular about arrangements and details than a lot of girls are… 
Re: Am I making a mistake?
Thinking low of you and your family is a red flag.
Re: Am I making a mistake?
We will have to agree to disagree.
Because if I flipped this around and said then she and her family can scream and yell and demand that the valima must be hosted at the Ritz (there’s no Ritz in PK, is there?); that she get a Bunto Kazmi (which btw is a $10,000 USD dress), that her side must be permitted to invite 500 guests, than that would be acceptable and not raise any red flags about the type of person she is, right?
We’ve had girls posting about - OMG, my nand/SIL is having her baraat on the same day as me; she’s wearing the same colour as me; my MIL didn’t let me pick my shaadi ka jora; MIL won’t let me choose the makeup salon for my makeup - notice these are petty issues and most people told the GIRL she was wrong. That the wedding day is a single day and should not be made into a conflict zone. The same girls were told if her in-laws are hosting it, the GIRL should defer to the guy’s family and graciously accept what she’s being given because it’s about the marriage and NOT the wedding day.
If it was a girl, who screamed/yelled/cried - and her guy posted this thread, we’d call her out on it and tell him to figure out whether this is temporary madness or whether it’s an indication of diva-behavior that will cause conflict later? If it’s temporary, then she should STILL apologize for her behavior and back down on her demands and he should not concede because his mom and sisters might have their own dreams about how to host the wedding. If it’s an indicator of her personality – I’d tell him to rethink the wedding.
^ This! It’s less about the demands and more about the treatment of the other person and the ME and MINE versus YOU and YOURS attitude.
Re: Am I making a mistake?
I did not get a sense at all that he was making ridiculous demands like you mentioned which yes would be messed up if he did. They’re fighting over simple things like whether to have dancing at mehndi and whether to video record their wedding which seem like were first decided unilaterally by the girl without his input and when he realized she wasn’t going to include those things he’s now saying he wants those things. These are NOT ridiculous demands, maybe he’s trying to create memories for what’s suppose to be a once in a lifetime event. What I did find ridiculous was her not at all soliciting her future husband’s input and suggestions in any of the wedding planning and saying he doesnt have a right to comment on it–she only took his input after he started to get upset. I see his behavior being more reactive to her. Would you book a wedding venue without first running it by your partner? Most would at very least mention it, seems like that wasn’t even done which is why she had to change location after the fact. Communication seems to be a major issue here. Not condoning his behavior because he should remain more level headed but when people are upset especially during moments of stress they often don’t handle it the best way (hence him yelling and putting her down). We have all done it.
Re: Am I making a mistake?
Really? A “hangama” will be made out of many molehills post-shadi…so should one just call it quits?
Depends on whether he actually said that he thinks that OP and her family are low (which would be a red flag)…or whether OP perceived it as such when they get into arguments and her perception may be more emotional than correct.
Re: Am I making a mistake?
ah, the good old days when camera wasn’t invented. Getting married was so much simpler!
Re: Am I making a mistake?
^ ditto
It really depends on the family. If the guy’s side is more liberal or well off than the girl’s, he could be worried about making sure the arrangements/entertainment part (dances) is as per his family’s norms. In a scenario where one party wants a simple wedding and the other wants a bigger event and more hulla gulla, you should try and find a middle ground. Incorporate some of his suggestions but without your parents going bankrupt. Ask him what things are really important to him and be realistic with him about your own family’s expectations/budget.
Re: Am I making a mistake?
I have to say I agree with this. Asking for a video or dances (from their own side) isn’t anything unusual in this day and age.
I don’t recall reading anywhere that he is demanding an Armani suit or gold gifts for his family etc.
These sound like logistical issues that are not being handled well. I am surprised that OP would consider calling it quits based on what she has written.
Re: Am I making a mistake?
Arey meray bhai - I didn’t say her groom made those demands! I merely set out two scenarios to illustrate we don’t know why he acted as he did. I clearly said she needs to get to the bottom of why he was behaving the way he was and she also needs to look at her own actions and responsibility in this matter. And depending on the answer to those questions, her reaction and response should be proportionate and directly related.
Re: Am I making a mistake?
to be honest, although he shouldnt be putting down her family, i still think the girl has more red flags than the guy..been with the guy for 5 years and is still considering ending it because he wants to videotape the wedding…
Re: Am I making a mistake?
i dont know if its just me but if you read the OP, it starts off promising a lot of juice with stuff like omgz he’s changed so much, just wants to do marriage for its sake blah blah.. and in the end he just wants a normal wedding. el trollo lolo? or real life?
Re: Am I making a mistake?
trollo lolo? 
Re: Am I making a mistake?
you are wrong here. Its a brown girl we are talking about. She can’t have redflags. Its the guy, how dare him to ask about dances and make fuss about photography ? Can you imagine how tough light she would have to spend (even though she was happy for 5 years but just because he asked for dances she has to think that all those 5 years were an illusion). For God Sake, please put yourself in her shoes and you would know how painful these wedding preparation are. 5 years being with someone doesn’t count when it comes to deciding a photographer or video or dance thingy for wedding.