Am I making a mistake?

[sweefs]

Re: Am I making a mistake?

@pak2015

While im not condoning his handling of the situation because he isn’t handling it the best way either, but since you’re here I’ll direct my advice to you. I was taken aback by your comment “He doesnt have a right to comment on wedding proceedings.” Wow id be upset also if my future wife took such a mindset and told me I had no right to comment on our wedding. Be very careful of making statements like “it’s my mehndi” “my shaadi”..theyre very divisive comments..while yes youre side is paying for it and organizing it..but its your responsibility as his future wife that he at least be FELT that you’re seeking his input and advice and is involved in the proceedings from the BEGINNING..and why do his suggestions bother you so much..he will be your husband after all and yes it should be a “team effort”. It’s all about perception and how your partner is perceiving your actions. Yes you did ultimately take his input which is a big deal but make sure you’re taking his input from the beginning which doesn’t seem like you did if you had to change wedding locations after the fact , dont wait for him to get annoyed before seeking his input, should have involved him from the beginning, seems like it’ll make him happy and something that he clearly values. There is a smart way to handle things and a way to make things worse–youre doing the latter. It’s all about making the other person feel respected, a priority and happy while still getting your way. By now you should have known what makes him happy what are his triggers that get him upset what are his likes and dislikes. His happiness should be your happiness and vice versa. This is not a form of control, it’s having natural, selfless, loving feelings for your partner and adopting a collaborative manner.

The fact that you’re thinking of breaking off a 5 year relationship during marriage plans over relatively minor issues is much more telling on your part. Fix your mindset before marrying him, make sure youre ready to view him as your priority and partner in crime but before that can happen figure out what you really want. Marriage is hard work and requires a lot of give and take and there will be fights and arguments. Don’t jump to the he’s “controlling” or “maybe this is a mistake” conclusions so quickly, instead have a civil discussion using a collaborative tone with him without mentioning the words “you’re being controlling” or “I’m considering ending it.” DO NOT use those words they’re relationship ruining comments and will backfire on you very badly. And ending a relationship shouldn’t cross your mind so easily, it should be absolutely last resort. Like I’ve said before and will say it again, girls these days don’t put up with much.

i don’t know where or what kinda girls you hang around with but majority of girls i know would be willing to put up with a lot if they’ve made a commitment. yeah there’s an odd few who are probably spoilt and pampered little madams, but i think most young women who have got their head screwed on right (even semi-just-about-semi right, like myself) know the difference between when to make a big deal about crap, and when to compromise or adjust.

anyway, OP chill out please. you’re being a little dramatic in my opinion. he’s changed? what, just cuz he’s giving you girls a taste of your own medicine by making a few “demands” about his wedding too? unless there’s stuff you’re missing out like he’s slowly becoming manipulative or controlling in other areas of life, just talk to him and ask where the huge interest in wedding details has come from or maybe just accomodate some of his ideas. some guys like being involved, and some don’t.

as for you thinking that he thinks low of you and your family, unless he has explicitly stated something to make you wonder otherwise, i think that has a lot more to say about you. you’ve been with the guy for five years, if he wanted to talk bad about your family or make you feel little about it then he would’ve done it by now, or at the very least he would’ve hinted at it. maybe it’s your own insecurity that you might need to take a look at.