So I’ve been married for almost 5 years. We delayed having kids first two years and then I found I have PCOS so I didn’t get pregnant on my own for three years. Dr.'s gonna start me on Clomid this cycle and most likely it’ll work bcoz all my tests were normal this month.
So anyways, I’ve been home all this time, I’m VERY lazy. I sit on my behind all day and watch TV/sit online. I only get up to cook (1-2 hours max). I never feel like doing anything! I barely do husband’s laundry or anything. I have a maid who comes to clean, and once in a while I clean. I know husband is sick of my behavior, but he only shows it sometimes. I feel guilty that I don’t do anything but I can’t help it 
I’m not depressed, but do get stressed on little things and procrastinate on everything (except watching TV of course!).
Now, I’m thinking if I have the baby, how am I gonna raise it?! I just get stressed thinking about it. I’m not used to doing anything and I do feel guilty about it too but don’t know what to do? Am I gonna be a “good” mom? Should I even TRY to get pregnant with all these bad habits? Please help!
Re: Am I gonna be a "good" mom? :(
Hmmm honestly to me it does seem like depression! Raising a kid is a very tough and demanding job especially once kids get mobile, and if you plan to outsource it to a maid completely I'd encourage you to rethink the decision!
Re: Am I gonna be a "good" mom? :(
No its not depression. Its laziness. Which is ok, as long as you are planing to do something about it. But not getting pregnant because you are lazy is not going to fix your laziness. Go for it.
Re: Am I gonna be a “good” mom?
And you named yourself BusyBee? 
Re: Am I gonna be a "good" mom? :(
why dont you make goals for yourself? try re-decorating your house? or switch the places for furniture?
Personally, I can be very lazy UNTIL I make a concious effort to get up and do something.. but once I do, I dont sit down until I have taken care of a project at least... I know someone who gets these daily emails from fly lady (flylady.net) and apparently she offers lots of tips for organizing etc and especially for small tasks! see if that works for you?
I dont think you will be a bad mom but you may end up being a lazy mom though, and then your kid will be watching TV all day long too!
Re: Am I gonna be a "good" mom? :(
don't have pity on yourself...what you need to do is to get up and start doing things...laziness is NOT a disease. you can help yourself by looking forward to having baby and raising him/her. yes, you CAN do it! just be positive and upbeat! Good Luck.
Re: Am I gonna be a "good" mom? :(
i don't think its laziness. i agree with raania, it sounds like depression. that feeling of not wanting to get up and do anything, being tired all the time, etc.
before you conceive a baby, first you need to figure things out for yourself. you need to force yourself to get up and get out of the house. if housework isn't your thing and you're lucky enough to have a maid, yay! go for a run, go meet friends, go join a support group for other couple's in your situation, take up a hobby, volunteer at the library- whatever it takes, get out of the house. once you're out and moving and enjoying the fresh air and meeting new people, it'll give you a fresh take on things and that always helps!
as for being a good mom, lady, you're not gonna be a mom until you're a mom. so don't worry about these things- when your baby comes, you'll see, he/she will get you into shape. i mean, i was the least housewife-ly person i knew before i had my son. i couldn't be bothered with housework and cooking was a joke and i know that makes me sound bad, but it was what it was. i had a job, i was busy with other things, etc.
post-baby, and it didn't happen overnight, but now i do things for him and for our family. i want the house to be clean so he's not crawling amongst dust bunnies, i want him to have healthy home-cooked food, i'm so much more active because i want him to be busy and happy throughout the day. it'll work itself out, so don't dwell too much on it.
first things first- you need to get off that couch, turn off the tv, and GO OUT. find something productive to do with your time.
Re: Am I gonna be a "good" mom? :(
The good thing is that you realize that there is something wrong or bad about your daily routine.
Why don't you take incentive to fix that first...set some simple goals...maybe ask the hired help to not come for a while and take charge of things...as meaningless as they can sound,house chores can take up quite some time.Switch off the TV for a few days perhaps...go out to break the TV habit...even to a library and read a book if nothing else.All I mean is break the bad habits first...
A baby tires you out both physically and mentally...You cant and should not expect that you will be active once a kid is in the picture.You might plop it in front of the TV and call it a day...!
Re: Am I gonna be a "good" mom? :(
well if you are used to doing nothing at all, and suddenly have a baby, its a huge change. everything can be stressful. why don't you fix the laziness first? should be doable in like 3-4 weeks. get more organized. make a to-do list of 3-4 things you want to get done in a day, and do it.
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LOL! Yeah, I’m busy watching TV all day! That was really funny though, really made me think what was I thinking 
I just procrastinate. I make lists and never follow them. I just don’t feel like doing it. But I’ve noticed that if hubby is doing something WITH me, like cleaning the closet or organizing his desk, then I don’t mind doing it. I just don’t like doing it ALONE. I just want that feeling of someone is with me. Like, if there’s a dawat and I have no choice but to clean/cook, I can’t clean/cook until the TV’s on. I might not be watching it, but I just want that feeling of I’m not alone…is that weird?
I don’t know, it might be depression but I don’t FEEL depressed. Stressed-yes, but not “depressed”…or may be I’m thinking of depression as something big? I don’t know. I don’t feel like going out either, unless it’s with my husband. I don’t like going out alone, anywhere! Like I said above, if my husband is helping me or doing some chore with me, then I don’t feel lazy and usually get it done and not procrastinate or get stressed over it. Same at my parents’ place…when I’m visiting them, I don’t do anything unless mom is “helping” me do something or forces me, It’s just that I don’t feel like doing anything when alone. Is it laziness or depression? Sadly, I can’t tell the difference
Re: Am I gonna be a "good" mom? :(
Been there done that!
I used to call up my friends and I would get the house cleaned while talking on phone with them.. and tehyw illd o the same.. couple of them were actually from GS!! sadly, I dont get time to do that anymore but why dont you try calling your friends while you cook,c lean, etc? or turn on the TV and get the work done? you can fold laundry while watching TV.. oh I remember ironing huge bed spreads and duvet covers while watching TV! or you can listen to songs, I still turn on the desiradio.com while cleaning the house or painting or whatever we are doing!!
Re: Am I gonna be a "good" mom? :(
Been there done that!
I used to call up my friends and I would get the house cleaned while talking on phone with them.. and tehyw illd o the same.. couple of them were actually from GS!! sadly, I dont get time to do that anymore but why dont you try calling your friends while you cook,c lean, etc? or turn on the TV and get the work done? you can fold laundry while watching TV.. oh I remember ironing huge bed spreads and duvet covers while watching TV! or you can listen to songs, I still turn on the desiradio.com while cleaning the house or painting or whatever we are doing!!
I do that when I have no option but to do something like if there's a dawat and I have to get things done in a day. Sadly, I don't have many friends and the few that I have, they work and with kids, so they're not always there. I only do stuff with the TV on when I HAVE to get it done bcoz there's no other option but usually in regular routine, I don't even want to do anything with the TV on either, I just don't feel like it.....unless hubby's home and he does it with me :(
Re: Am I gonna be a "good" mom? :(
^I guess you really are lazy then... hehehe j/k!
honestly, uif you want to make an effort, you need to start now! if I were your hubby, I would be upset too and I am sure many will agree with me.. you are lucky enough tat you get to stay at home and there are so many things you can do.. and like chipsy said, you need to break the habit otherwise no one can help you!
Re: Am I gonna be a "good" mom? :(
You make me wanna ask you why are you like this...???
I am trying not to make fun of you or anything,but there must have been a time when you went to school/college or had a job and were not always watching TV...how did it all change...??
Depression does not have to be suicidal thoughts...or something that extreme.Not wanting to do anything at all the entire day,dressing up or going out and losing all interest in daily chores can constitute depression.That being said I am very sure we all have lousy days once in a while...but then we are up and around the next day or day after that.....
I used to have the TV on almost the entire day before having the kid.It was mostly to make me feel as if something was happening around me and not necessarily for me to watch all day long.SO i get it when you say that you have the TV on the entire day...it is ok.Why not take baby steps to fix it...try ironing a shirt while watching TV or something like that...
Only you can help yourself....All the best..>!!
Re: Am I gonna be a "good" mom? :(
You make me wanna ask you why are you like this...??? I am trying not to make fun of you or anything,but there must have been a time when you went to school/college or had a job and were not always watching TV...how did it all change...?? Depression does not have to be suicidal thoughts...or something that extreme.Not wanting to do anything at all the entire day,dressing up or going out and losing all interest in daily chores can constitute depression.That being said I am very sure we all have lousy days once in a while...but then we are up and around the next day or day after that.....
I used to have the TV on almost the entire day before having the kid.It was mostly to make me feel as if something was happening around me and not necessarily for me to watch all day long.SO i get it when you say that you have the TV on the entire day...it is ok.Why not take baby steps to fix it...try ironing a shirt while watching TV or something like that... Only you can help yourself....All the best..>!!
Yeah, I usually ask myself "why am I like this" too, so no worries. Yes, I went to school and worked before I got married. After I got married, my In-laws didn't want me to study further/work. And since I have nothing to do since past 5 years, I just watch TV. I used to love cooking different things and even that interest is dying since that's all I've been doing since the last 5 yrs. I was little active when we were in a different city and moved to this little town about 3 years ago.
Do you think I might have "anxiety" and not depression? Is it the same thing? Like even if I wanna iron a shirt while watching TV, I usually bring the shirts out, and start thinking oh I need to cook first coz that's more important, and then I keep going back and forth with the shirt and the kitchen.....until I realize, neither is getting done! Although, I have the whole day, I just keep contemplating on what should I do. I put the shirts back, get busy with cooking, and then just sit in front of the TV, coz I think if I start to iron the shirts, the cooking is not gonna be done. This is just an example. I do this with a lot of other things, like I go back and forth between two things until I realize neither get done bcoz I keep thinking what should I do first....and then eventually, I just give up on stuff and watch TV and go online :( Is this anxiety? depression? laziness?
Re: Am I gonna be a "good" mom? :(
its been 5 years of nothing? enough is enough, dude. get up and do something. go enroll in college classes and continue your education. wtf is up with inlaws dictating how you live your life?? no wonder you're depressed. i'd be pretty bummed too if someone told me i couldn't do what i wanted.
Re: Am I gonna be a "good" mom? :(
its been 5 years of nothing? enough is enough, dude. get up and do something. go enroll in college classes and continue your education. wtf is up with inlaws dictating how you live your life?? no wonder you're depressed. i'd be pretty bummed too if someone told me i couldn't do what i wanted.
Yeah I wanted to go back to school that's why I delayed kids for first two years but my in-laws were totally against it! I used to live with them for the first two years. Now we moved out but we're still in the same city. It's too complicated with them since hubby usually follows their command too. It's even more complicated with them now bcoz I haven't gotten pregnant in 5 yrs....I'm sure you know the desi mentality.
Re: Am I gonna be a "good" mom? :(
yeah so you gotta let them suck it up and whine to your hubby all they want, but YOU need to fix yourself. so do what needs to be done!
Re: Am I gonna be a "good" mom? :(
yeah so you gotta let them suck it up and whine to your hubby all they want, but YOU need to fix yourself. so do what needs to be done!
Well, we're gonna try for a baby now. School is kinda out of the question now. :(
Re: Am I gonna be a "good" mom? :(
^ do it part-time! take a short course!