Am I being too sensitive?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Okay so, my wedding was to happen mid of 2010 and after postponing five times my in laws decided a date and 11 days before the wedding they cancelled it (lame excuses like we are not prepared, mum in law isn’t well etc etc). I was totally prepared - everything from my wedding dress to my jahez. My suitcases were packed and I think it’s obvious how disappointed I was; in fact i was shattered. They said they will decide another date after a few months and the wedding will happen. Now after almost 6 months they are back to apologizing and asking for the wedding to take place… my question is - how do I re-prepare myself? I saw so many of my cousins/friends getting married after mine got called off; i used to feel terrible. I cried a lot all these months…how can I go back to being happy again? How do I trust them with my happiness again? Am I wrong when i say this is not the same as last time and i can never be happy the way i was before..my family keeps telling me i have gone mad and i’m being to sensitive…

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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

okay you're being a little too sensitive about the 'will i ever be happy, will i ever trust them again' kinda comments at the end of your post, but they messed you around for half a year...just be bold about it dudette, tell them to either set up the dates and get a move on with your wedding, or keep quiet and continue being heartbroken.

also, what does your fiance say? why aren't you talking to him about it? doesn't he want to get married?

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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

meh, this postponing and changing dates is a trend is desi's. My engagement date was change 5 times, then my nikkah day/time was change 100+ times. On the day of the nikkah, I asked "so are you sure it's happening today"
lol
don't worry about it :)

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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Yes, I find it a bit odd that you haven't mentioned your fiance at all in all this. Anyway, best of luck to you eh.

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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

what PS said. another bride obsessed with the wedding day, and not the marriage.

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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

honest to goodness, cant people come up with any better excuse than that. I am so angry right now

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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

That's crazy, with those lame ass excuses you have to ask straight up what the real reason for the hold up is. And yeah what partyslims and queer said.

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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

waiwaitwaitwait...exactly what does it mean "isn't well"...it could have been a cold/flu/stomach virus and not that serious...

and i dont see why u guys are being so harsh, you can't have a marriage without a wedding day, right? im sure guys would be psised too if their wedding day kept being delayed 5 times, esp just 11 days before!

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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Talk to your finace, I know you're disapointed right now but keep an open mind. I'm sure they have valid reasons for delaying the wedding. You mentioned that they've apoligized and are asking for the wedding date now so set a date and insha allah everything will be fine.

Good Luck !

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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Hey dont be too emotional, because you do know for a fact that you are going to end up with him. Just take it easy, and now that the time is coming for the wedding, just be happy. Whatever Allah does does it for the best. Yes I can undersatnd you about the whole postponing, same is happenieng ot me. but I guess Allah sets up his own plans, for our plans. Just go along with it now and pray that everything goes fine now.

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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Welcome to the world of pakistani weddings! I think I have been to very few close family weddings that were not postponed or rescheduled a number of times, although 11 days before was cutting it a bit fine. InshAllah try to remember the point of it, and although the situation may be causing you to become dishearted, try to make the best of it, as you don't want to remember your wedding as the time you felt really bad!

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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

That would depend on your fiance/husband . You haven't said anything about how he feels about postponing the wedding?
Like Sara 516 said, 'unwell' could also mean a serious illness as well.

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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

I'd be really annoyed if my wedding was cancelled 11 days before (usually vendors have been paid by this time), especially if it wasnt something serious.

To top it all off, they make no mention of the wedding for another 6 months. Its embarrassing!

I'd stop discussing the wedding until you see how serious they are.

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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

you are getting married.be happy.

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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Try to find out the REAL reason behind this behaviour of theirs. Someone I knew had her wedding postponed for 5 years. Your time is precious and so are your feelings. Don't allow them to waste your time like that if they are not serious then say goodbye and move on. It's not like you will be waiting for them and be available to them for the rest of your life.

and remember shaadi is for khushi if you are not happy there is no point in getting married .....I always say that never get married just to get the married status.

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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Get a grip.

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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Thanku all for the replies! I do feel i am over reacting a bit but I just wish I could control how I feel.....

My fiance says it's not a very big issue and i'm being too sensitive...he's my second cousin and we've been together for five years now, he wants to get married but he took this entire thing too lightly IMO. But he loves me a lot, and he is not at all ready to give up. He probably wants all this more than i do he's just not as hurt as i am

No serious disease here. lame excuses

They are still asking for dates, nothing final yet. I have a feeling this will linger on even more for some time and that is really bothering me!

Exactly, but here my in laws are not at all ready to finish this relationship. My family spoke to them a couple of times that we should finish this if they r not serious but they just keep begging for more and more time and beg us not to finish it. The cherry on top is I've been engaged for four years!!!!!

still in the process of deciding/delaying/blah blah......

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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Is it a money issue? Is there an older unmarried sibling?

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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Like Sara said, you can't have a marriage without a wedding day so if the date keeps getting postponed it would be pretty annoying. That too without a clear cut reason.

As for being happy for the next set date, talk to your fiance and make sure you're both on the same page in terms of wanting to get married. That may give you some confidence/ satisfaction.

If he loves you that much he would be giving proper reasons to why the date is being postponed. Just saying.

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Re: Am I being too sensitive?

Yes you're right. But we never asked for anything, no big functions or any sort of extravagance....
But they are adamant that they will do it only the extravagant way....They're being stubborn,,, we can't wait forever for them to recover from the bad monetary patch they had back in 2009...they're being impossible