^lol i am a woman as well. and i still stand by my comment.
Re: Am I being oversenstive?
^:rotfl: i missed that
Re: Am I being oversenstive?
hahah hahaha lol lol let me fix that!
^lol i am a woman as well. and i still stand by my comment.
what i meant to say was SOME of us and left out the word SOME and this girl obviously wants her family to take part in her happiness, nothing wrong with that. i think her bhabi should be more excited about this but in the end u cant do anything about it. if she doenst wanna buy new clothes forget her but if u want ur nieces to wear soemthing else, buy the outfits for them and give it to ur bhabi when she is sitting with ur brother and give it to them more as a present instead of as a demand that ur nieces wear those outfits.
Re: Am I being oversenstive?
If you dont get along with her, who cares what she wears at your wedding?
And for your nieces, just buy them dresses and give them to your brother and say bhaijaan i bought these dresses for the girls to wear to my wedding. End of story.
I dont know the personal situation between her and your family but if she is not happy with your brother paying for the wedding, that is quite understandable. My hubby spent over $15,000 on his sisters wedding. I wasnt happy about what I felt to be too much contribution but I had to bite my tongue and moved on. Just because your brother earns it, it doesnt mean that she has no right to feel like its both their money and by default, its HER money going to your wedding, money that could be spent on her childrens or her needs.
I am not supporting her but trying to explain her view as I have gone through the same experience of giving money without being consulted or discussion on what the maximum contribution would be or how much we could afford.
Just enjoy your wedding and let her do whatever makes her happy. Your life is yours and her life is hers and never the twain shall meet!!
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^Yeh i agree she might also feel that hes contributing too much and i have had discussions about with my husband about his sisters wedding and he tells me he needs to contribute half or more which i think is bizarre cuz in my family the parents and the girl (if she is working) pay for the wedding, not the brothers unless they really want to, but they arent obligated but in my husbands family its the other way around which i dont really care much for, cuz as siblings we always wanna give so much but there definitely has to be a limit so i can understand if that is her concern.
what i meant to say was SOME of us and left out the word SOME and this girl obviously wants her family to take part in her happiness, nothing wrong with that. i think her bhabi should be more excited about this but in the end u cant do anything about it. if she doenst wanna buy new clothes forget her but if u want ur nieces to wear soemthing else, buy the outfits for them and give it to ur bhabi when she is sitting with ur brother and give it to them more as a present instead of as a demand that ur nieces wear those outfits.
exactly if you cant do much about it then why take it to your heart. i personally find the expectations that the bhabi should be happy in a way approved by bride to be a bit too much. they are your nieces, buy them a a present as some one suggested and leave it upto to their parents whether they dress them in those clothes or not.
^ I agree with the posters above.
They are your nieces. Buy them the outfits out of love and from the goodness of your heart....and don't set a condition that they MUST wear the dresses on your wedding. As much as you would like your nieces to wear the dresses you buy for them on your special day....please keep in mind that **ultimately **the girls will follow mum's orders. So just give them the dresses as a sincere gift.....that they can wear in the future on Eid/weddings/special occasions.
I do not know what type of relationship you have with your Bhabi. Is it relaxed or is it strained? My suggestion would be that you try to bond with your Bhabi. And then in a very calm and friendly way....talk to your bhabi about the dresses. Just tell her that,** "Bhabi, I'm sooooo excited about my wedding and having the girls be a part of it. I bought these dresses for the girls and they will look soooooo adorable in them. I would really love to see them wear these for the wedding. I know that you already have some really beautiful outfits prepared for the girls........but I would really appreciate it if the girls could wear the dresses from their Phoopo on one of ***the wedding celebration days."*
^ See what I mean? If you say it like that, then maybe your Bhabi will compromise with you and let the girls wear the dresses on at least one of the wedding celebrations (mehendi, shadi, walima, etc). Wearing the dresses on one of the days is better than nothing.
I wouldn't recommend telling your brother about having the girls wear the dresses for the wedding.......because your bhabi might feel that you are undermining her authority or "going over her head." And this can offend her. So.....it's best (in my opinion) to put a smile on your face....be cheery and polite.....and request your Bhabi to let the girls wear the dresses on at least one of the days** (and hint at the day of your preference)**. And try to praise bhabi's choice of dresses as well so she doesn't feel offended. You attract more flies with honey than vinegar. Be sweet and butter up your bhabi ;)
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lol...u remind me of myself. I am the same way. I want everyone to look a certain way, with certain colors and accessories. But i have come to the conclusion that its never going to be all your way. We have to compromise. We already have to worry about ourselves the day of the wedding. Dont over stress, shes gonna realize in the future, when she looks back at those pictures lol...
hope things get better for you!
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if your bhabi and your neices turn out churhail then it will be in your favor. ;)
you just dont be panic cuz of someone else awful dressing, some ppl love to taunt others like this.
ps. if you really want your bhabi to wear new clothes, ask her that bhabi u have such a nice figure, as redV already mentioned those sugestions.
she is not indian.. she is from pakistani but born and bred in the uk. her sister married a muslim convert (who was sikh) so all her clothes come from near chandigarh in india..
we are lucky in the UK we can order v.nice clothes quite easily. she has no excuse... she has lots of money really. they both drive mercedes, live in a nice area and mashallah both earn good money. she just likes to distance herself from us. spoke to my mum about how i felt and mum said that she feels jealous that my brother is so concerned about the wedding. she hates him having anything to do with us.
she forced him to move out of our home.. when i get married my elderly parents will be left alone and my poor dad still works as otherwise the house expenses would be too much. she has always been selfish and uncaring when it comes to our family.
There could be quite a few reasons for that...but this isnt the time to sit there and focus on the past. Try your best to mend relations and keep them that way. You're getting married woman...this time will never come again! So your bhabi doesnt want to buy a brand new outfit for your weddinggggggggg...who cares?????????????
Have fun and enjoy yourself!
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^ Exactly! :)
1) Give the dresses from the goodness of your heart. After all, you are their phuppo. And if they wear the dresses to your wedding....GREAT! If they don't.......they'll have something nice to wear for future special occasions.
2) Try to (nicely) ask your bhabi to get the girls to wear the dresses on at least one of your wedding celebration days (mehendi, valima, shadi, etc). And some flattering and buttering can help.
3) In the end.....even if they don't wear the clothes......be happy that at least your nieces were a part of your wedding and were able to share in your joy no matter what clothes they are wearing.
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I do understand the idea you have in your mind though Dulhan...you want everyone to be looking a certain way...they're your immediate family and people should be able to tell them apart. Aside from that, they should be eager to take part in your festivities!
But consider this...its the last wedding of your family for a long time. Do you really want to remember anything bitter about it? My guess is you dont. If your Bhabi wants to distance herself...be the bigger person and bring everyone together! How about all of your family women do the same updo? Or wear flowers in your hair? or the same colored dupattas? Or chooriyan? Something! But incorporate her in this event of yours!!! Take the first step again even if she is being a brat...you will be so happy you did if she actually responds well and your relationship develops into freindship!
As for her clothes...there are a few possibilities: Some people - again - dont really care much about fashion and trends. Some people arent into desi clothes or dressing up. Some people dont have fashion sense - this could be the case with your bhabi - which is why she insists on being the triplet.
She may not be very social or know how to cultivate relationships around her. She may be the one to blame for the past but that is no reason for your relationship to stay this way in the future. You're getting married woman! Out with the old and in with the new!
Go upto her and tell her you want her advice on something...centerpieces, color schemes, hair, jewelry, take her with you for your make up trial, shoes, ANYTHING! Just do it!
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dulhan to be..first of all. get a grip. so what if she doesnt want to wearnice clothes maybe she thinks her clothes are nice enough we all have different taste remember...
and another thing we are always quick to blame the woman. what about your poor thing brother. why didnt he realise that HIS parents will be elderly and alone so why didnt HE stay with them and insist on his wife he has to stay with them. is HE a wifes ghulam that whatever she said he said ok.....didnt he realise that either....so hes not quite a a bichara as you are painting him. he moved out, its not the sister in laws resposibilty...even in islam, its not her duty to live with the in laws...your brother should have realised that......
congrats on the wedding, talk to ur brother, and only worry about you clothes, after all, everyone will be looking at you. no one else.
i agree its not her “duty” to live with the inlaws - and she created hell in our family so in the end my parents begged my brother to move out. the day he left he hugged my parents and cried… he is not his wife’s ghulam but at the end of the day, it was a choice between divorce or moving out and my parents rathered he moved out. anyway all of that is in the past, but at the moment its something that i keep thinking about as i know i will not be living with them for long and then they will be completely alone.
as regards to the clothes for my neices, i have another neice (my sisters little girl) and i wanted them all to wear the same. i will enquire about the dresses and make them for them altogether but i do not want to leave till a few days before the wedding. I told my bhabhi yday about the outfits and said i’d find out price etc. she said that my neices are v.fussy and don’t wear clothes picked by anyone and was shocked when i said i’ve already shown them and they love them. i will just tell her if and when i order them, and say i don’t want money i’m just letting her know and tell her which day i want them to wear them.
go to www.jazelz.com you will see why i am so excited about these clothes…!! it is the pink lengha with fitted sleeveless top.. so gorgeous.
everyone may think i’m just being fussy about her looking a certain way… the thing that hurt the most was the fact that she showed such little excitement… and the feeling i got from her was my wedding is not important.
me and my parents are paying for the majority of the wedding (my clothes, jewellery, venue, mehndi arrangements, gifts for inlaws etc)… but my brother asked to pay for the catering… if his wife has an issue with that really it should be discussed between them.. she shouldn’t set out to distance herself from the wedding because of this.
after a good nights sleep i am not so bothered about the clothes… i just want her to be excited about this wedding. i have tried involving her before now.. but she says she’s always busy to go anywhere with me…
Re: Am I being oversenstive?
I wanted my nephew to wear a sherwani on my wedding but the little tindoo was being too fussy. Is it MY fault his head was too big for it? he ended up wearing a polka dot onesie.
I blame his mom :o
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hehehe.. all my nephews will be wearing matching clothes. my sister had ordered the mehndi clothes and waistcoats for walima for them all. and my younger bhabhi has ordered the sherwani's for wedding day.
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they are all old enough to be shouted at to wear them... but inshallah they won't need persuading. they all obey their khala and phuppo!
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u can’t xactly shout at or reason w/ 3 month olds :hinna: lol