A couple weeks ago, I started talking to a potential rishta. The guy has been working in UAE for the past 6+ years and interested in moving to Canada where I live. I personally would prefer finding someone in Canada or USA. However, this rishta came highly recommended and the only reason I even considered it is because he hasn’t lived in Pak for the past few years so I thought he wouldn’t be a typical Pakistani guy.
Once we started talking (mainly on whatsapp), I noticed his English isn’t the greatest. I didn’t want to point it out in case he might get offended but I always wondered how the heck does he work there in an executive position when he makes so many grammar mistakes.
Khair, the other day he said something I wanted to share with my best friend to get her opinion on it and instead of focusing on the content of the message, my friend laughed at his English which made me a little embarrassed. And later when he came online, I couldn’t control myself and asked him how he manages at work and in his social life with less than perfect English and why is it still like this after six years of being in UAE.
Needless to say, he didn’t take that well and we ended up having a huge argument over something small. What do you all think? Should I have kept my mouth shut but let this bother me internally? Do you think it was rude of me to ask him or did he overreact (because honestly, at times, it is really hard to comprehend him)? My mom keeps telling me that I’m too picky and need to lower my expectations. He did seem okay otherwise, but I noticed he is short tempered and when he feels insulted, he makes sure to put down the next person too.
Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?
Hi,
Interesting post up there!!!
Ok here is what I think and I hope I make sense…
Potential rishta è this means spending your LIFE with this guy and you NEED to be sure of him. So if his English bothers you than you should have told him on the first place. Please clear. He living in UAE for 6 years does not really mean it would have changed him (broad minded). Were you pointing out his bad English is not an insult to him and takes it constructively. But off course it also depends how you had put your point across. If you were very bold or harsh or sounded rude then you have hurt his ego…. I don’t have to tell you what happens if you do that, you already know.
Best friend laughing è Well if you are going to continue with him then you need to tame your best friend. Let’s face it you wouldn’t want to lose your friends after marriage and goes without saying you wouldn’t want any trouble between you and him. So if your friends keep on doing this it’s going to play on your mind, will irritate you and once of these will happen. Either you will fight with your friend or with this guy.
Moving to Canada è if he is going to move to Canada I think you don’t have to worry much about his language. It will be just a matter of time till he gels in to the culture there and gets his language corrected. As they say “kharbooza kharbozee ko deak K rang pakarta he”
I guess I covered all your questions… once someone told me when one getting off work should be thinking “yar GHAR jana he” it should not be K “yar aabhi ghar BHE jana he” I hope you understand the difference.
BTW I to live in the UAE and work with one of the best company here.
Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?
*Potential rishta è this means spending your LIFE with this guy and you NEED to be sure of him. So if his English bothers you than you should have told him on the first place. Please clear. He living in UAE for 6 years does not really mean it would have changed him (broad minded). Were you pointing out his bad English is not an insult to him and takes it constructively. But off course it also depends how you had put your point across. If you were very bold or harsh or sounded rude then you have hurt his ego…. I don’t have to tell you what happens if you do that, you already know. *
This..
Wanting a partner who speaks English well is your preference and that's perfectly fine..
I think you were too harsh asking him directly why his English wasn't better tho..
Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy’s English speaking skills?
It’s a valid reason to want to question the rishta…it would freak me out if his grammar was out of sorts, not so much the accent - accents are fine but if really he makes blatant grammatical mistakes then it can be embarassing in public etc.
The way you went about it was wrong though Have you not spoken to him on phone or skype or heard his voice? Could either make or break the deal.
Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy’s English speaking skills?
i think that “6 years living in UAE” thing got your hopes high.. but believe it or not, in UAE you can get away with you language being bad depending on what your line of work is and whom do you interact with on daily bases… so..
Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?
It's a valid reason to want to question the rishta...it would freak me out if his grammar was out of sorts, not so much the accent - accents are fine but if really he makes blatant grammatical mistakes then it can be embarassing in public etc.
I agree with you. I've seen this so much more in Pakistanis. They try to fake accents but their grammar is the pits! Indians generally have horrible accents but perfect grammar and structure. Says a lot about our educational system.
Also, you have to see who the consumers are. In Pakistan, who cares about grammar as long as you can impress un-suspecting aunties with your accent - mounh tera mera kar kay and all.
Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?
madz - I’ve worked in the ME region for a while. If this guy's English is as bad as you say, he's probably lying about his position. It can also be that he's doing relatively well from a Pakistanis perspective but if you put him in the context of US or Canada, he'd be a lower tier.
As a guy I can simply say that if it bothers you that much, don’t go for it. It’s too late for him to learn proper English.
Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?
I agree with you. I've seen this so much more in Pakistanis. They try to fake accents but their grammar is the pits! Indians generally have horrible accents but perfect grammar and structure. Says a lot about our educational system.
Also, you have to see who the consumers are. In Pakistan, who cares about grammar as long as you can impress un-suspecting aunties with your accent - mounh tera mera kar kay and all.
Pakistani education system!!! is there any in place on the 1st place..
impressing uncles and aunties from Pakistan... hmmm true.. they are not hard to impress. mounh tera karne ki bhe zarourat parthe kabi kabi.. if you know what i mean.
Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy’s English speaking skills?
Hey madz,
Ofcourse you decide what and who is the best for you and no one knows that better than yourself. But don’t let an otherwise great/nice person go because of something small like accent or poor english skills. I am not talking about this guy specifically. Just general advice :k:
Also the highlighted part, (again generally speaking) don’t let anyone else’s opinion about something petty decide whether you want to proceede with someone or not.
Also, there is no thing as the typical Pakistani guy. Every individual is different.
Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?
He would be the father if your kids and passing off that English to them, so yes it is important. You should talk to him on the phone at least once instead of bluntly asking him because our men never like being challenged. Their less than adequate gonads blow up at the thought someone of the weaker sex could challenge them. By the way I think there is a weird trend amongst Pakistanis in the easy including those in UAE to write in broken English even though they can put together a proper English document for work.
Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?
I agree with stork. I've come across a lot of guys who are not engineers but work in lower IT positions and then say they're computer engineers or my favorite - paralegal posing as a lawyer. If his English is poor he probably is not in the position he says he is in. Furthermore if he was doing ok and that smart he could get hired by a Canadian or American company and would not need to come to Canada through marriage. Key: smart immigrants figure out how to get here on their own.
Re: Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy's English speaking skills?
*He would be the father if your kids and passing off that English to them, so yes it is important. **You should talk to him on the phone at least once instead of bluntly asking him because our men never like being challenged. *Their less than adequate gonads blow up at the thought someone of the weaker sex could challenge them. .
The bold sentence. So how is that going to ruin the kids' lifes?
At the italic comment; does asking him about his english skills fall under the same category of when a guy sees a girl making not (so) round rottis and challenges her about that?
Am I a horrible person for inquiring about the guy’s English speaking skills?
My husband came to the US when he was 16. I am born and raised here. I was an English major in college, lol, and my husband can be grammatically challenged at times to say the least. His written English is atrocious (but definitely got better after I sunk my claws into him ) But you know what…his math/engineering skills are off the charts and I can barely balance a checkbook.
Have there been times I have inwardly cringed at something he said or wrote in a text/email? Yes…but he is such a good man otherwise that 15 years later we are still going strong mA! And he recognizes his weak points…he has no issues having me edit/proof any major proposal or job assignment for him, and I’m more than happy to do it. He’ll ask me grammatical related questions all the time lol, and we discuss why something is said or written a certain way.
I personally think if all other attributes are in his favor and you guys have chemistry, don’t write him off. And please, don’t call him out on it. In the “early days” of our relationship, I would tease my husband too, and sometimes I would take it to far and the jibes would sting.
And as far as kids go, it doesn’t make a bit of difference. My husband speaks to the kids exclusively in English and their grammar is fine. All 3 are pulling straight A’s in language arts in school
Have you not spoken to him on phone or skype or heard his voice? Could either make or break the deal.
) But you know what…his math/engineering skills are off the charts and I can barely balance a checkbook.