Armughal -- By "PM" I meant "Paki Maryam" :D
I think there may be more to this story than Paki Maryam is aware of. Who knows what the situation is at home. Perhaps this is a cry for attention or help. Perhaps something happened to her (abuse). Who knows. You should definitely try talking to her. I don't know if you should tell her parents or anything like that. If she is insistent on carrying on this lifestyle, all you can do is try and support her by encouraging her to talk about what she is going through and be there for her cause eventually, she will crash (if she isn't talking about it now). If she has already stopped talking to you, perhaps she's ashamed of herself and can't face you. Who knows. These are all assumptions at this point.
Also, do you know these guys she is involved with. I wonder, did you ever ask them what they are playing at?
Maybe if you took her to a HIV clinic to be tested she would realise the severity of what she is doing to herself.
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*Originally posted by armughal: *
^
i dont know how u feel, but this response from u makes me feel that u aint really worried for her....
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I am worried for her why I was just being bitter, why else would I post this on a public board.
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*Originally posted by MehnazQ: *
I think there may be more to this story than Paki Maryam is aware of. Who knows what the situation is at home. Perhaps this is a cry for attention or help. Perhaps something happened to her (abuse). Who knows. You should definitely try talking to her. I don't know if you should tell her parents or anything like that. If she is insistent on carrying on this lifestyle, all you can do is try and support her by encouraging her to talk about what she is going through and be there for her cause eventually, she will crash (if she isn't talking about it now). If she has already stopped talking to you, perhaps she's ashamed of herself and can't face you. Who knows. These are all assumptions at this point.
Also, do you know these guys she is involved with. I wonder, did you ever ask them what they are playing at?
Maybe if you took her to a HIV clinic to be tested she would realise the severity of what she is doing to herself.
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She is not talking to me earlier this week she asked me, are you
telling my secret to everyone, just because some girl went up to her and said, "So what birth control are you taking"...from what I gathered she told me she was sleeping around with Indian/Fijian guys I don't even think she protects herself.
Tell her to be careful and yo uwould be her friend eventhough you might not agree with her lifestyle. There might be issues of self-esteem and family dynamics which she will have to resolve on her own. You can be her friend..that is all you can do.
What are you guys so upset about? She has been liberated and free to make her own choices. Its called freedom :) This is the freedom that needs to be prevelant in all backward Muslim countries, where one can do what pleases them and not have to worry about some Mullah telling them that their actions will send them to hell.
Kaleem, unfortunately that is not going to happen. Mullah and Mullah-alike will still keep shouting "You are going to hell" instead of trying to help her in any way that she might need. It isn't really based on where you live.
What kind of Help do you think she really needs? Will that be counseling...just talking to her so she can share how horrible life has been? or just help her by giving her support that she is free to choose what she likes and no one should be able to tell her other wise i.e. You go Girl.
I think sounds like something that might need therapy.
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*Originally posted by Xara: *
thats awful, alot of pk girls in UK do that as well
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When you say alot, u make it sound like an epidemic, sure it happens, but I doubt its that prevelant. Or maybe u know something we dont.
Anyway this girl needs serious help, before she ends up on the streets for good or something worse.
Desperate times requires desperate measures, maybe an anonymous letter or call to her family. Sure theyll hit the roof but it could be in her best interest over the long run.
She needs counseling to help her talk through/admit her problems, yes.
She needs friends who are willing to show they care and help her understand the dangers of what she's doing and why she's doing it.
Kaleem -- It's not that no one should tell her otherwise. It's that people should be given respect and choices. At the same time, they need someone who cares about them (and not some faceless government) guiding them.
Sahar, I agree that people should be given respect and choices. But what do you say to a person who does not respect herself? Being a prostitute equals no respect for yourself (in my opinion). Now we can try the therapy and all, however, if a person is Muslim there is nothing wrong with telling her about the consequences she will face for being a prostitute.
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*Originally posted by M: *
When you say alot, u make it sound like an epidemic, sure it happens, but I doubt its that prevelant. Or maybe u know something we dont.
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actually it is on the rise, its a shame that these ppl have such a low self-esteem, some of them just do it for the sake of f*** and they think whats wrong with making a bit of money out of it??
alot of them actually go abt it full head-to-toe hijab so their parents dont find out
and the sex education isnt helping too much either, you get a nurse that comes in and tells you how to act like a virgin without actually being one, how to sleep around without ure parents finding out
when you tell them your not interested they ask you "How do you feel about Muslim Lesbians??"
if a person is Muslim there is nothing wrong with telling her about the consequences she will face for being a prostitute.
Acha. And that will do what?
Religion may actually help her Roman depending on what is said to her. For example, there may be more chance of her listening if she is told of how merciful and forgiving God can be for our sins as opposed to the "you are going to burn in hell" speech. It's a possibility. She has to be willing to listen first.
Mehnaz, sure, anything can help her. Anything that's motivational, spiritual, inspiring whatever. It depends. But that's not what Kaleem bhaijaan is saying. He's basically saying that she should be intimidated and made "scared of" the fear of hell.
What I'm interested in knowing is that why he wants to tell her that? In the hope that she will get scared and miraculously mend her ways upon hearing it or there is some other purpose that'll be served?
Roman, I am not advocating scaring her, but I am just want her to be aware of the consquences. Obviously, just telling hre the conseuqences is not going to help in this case, she is so far removed from Islamic teachings that she will not listen or pay any attention to it.
Therapy can be benificial, and will help her build her self esteem. At the same time little fear of fire of hell will help also.
Why not teach her? While talking to her about her problems, why not teach her a sense of dignity and respect that Islam advocates? Why not show her that Islam can bring comfort and guidance for her?
Why concentrate on telling her that she's condemned to burn for all eternity? We do not know anyone's fate and it is not our decision to make.
I think the goal is to influence her positively and help her out of a difficult situation. She is more likely to come around if she feels like she is being treated respectfully and that her friend's expectations of her are high. If she is treated in a condescending, offensive, patronizing way, she is less likely to benefit from any potential guidance.
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*Originally posted by Xara: *
actually it is on the rise, its a shame that these ppl have such a low self-esteem, some of them just do it for the sake of f*** and they think whats wrong with making a bit of money out of it??
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Xara your right, I think she's doing it for the sake of the f***.
I think Matsui is right because when I try to talk her out of it she cuts me off, I can't help her when she's not listening all I can do is be her friend. Telling her parents is one of the last things I'd do this kind of news can kill and I promised her I wouldn't tell before she even said anything, and as for religion I don't think she could care less right now.
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*Originally posted by paki maryam: *
Xara your right, I think she's doing it for the sake of the f***.
I think Matsui is right because when I try to talk her out of it she cuts me off, I can't help her when she's not listening all I can do is be her friend. Telling her parents is one of the last things I'd do this kind of news can kill and I promised her I wouldn't tell before she even said anything, and as for religion I don't think she could care less right now.
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i knew someone who got involved with a guy, i mean really deeply
her parents were really strict and for almost 7 months i watched as she fell in love and went thru the whole trashy phase
in the end i threatened her, her parents were quite strict, i knew if they found out she'd be skinned alive and her carcass married to an OAP
she didnt listen, just stopped updating me on everything, pretended everytihng was okay, a few months later she broke up, and she regretted everything
but at least i hada clear concience, at least i had told her that i wasnt happy with what she was doing, and she could say nothing to me abt it, it was the perfect i told you so scenario