Anyone know a marriage in which the husband drinks and all is well, spiritually with the family and the kids? Where the kids didn’t turn out to have issues with religion later one?
I know one family where I grew up where the father OPENLY drank. Everyone knew it.
His kids aren’t muslim anymore. Son married a non-muslim, and openly says his only connection w/Islam is his name. I think his daughter went through a serious rebel phase, but now maybe she settled with a muslim, not sure.
I feel bad for that guy’s wife. She is simple, straightforward, and she prays from what I understand. And look what happened. Due to the influence from her husband, her kids have issues and their spiritual health is compromised.
Interestingly, now that dad is trying to turn over a new leaf and has been applying for hajj visas, and has been routinely facing roadblocks. Isn’t that funny how fate works?
Drinking is something I’d forgive but not accept in a current situation.
If someone drank in the past, I’d look past it easily. Things happen and people mess up. Never say never is what I’ve learned in life…you never know when you’ll be judged for something you’ve judged others for.
I also don’t find it necessary to drink to socialize…I’ve socialized tons in the past and didn’t need alcohol as a crutch. In fact, my colleagues knew my drink of choice…a kiddie cocktail on the rocks
My own parents don’t touch alcohol but I have a few other family members who do and their kids are absolutely fine. One set of cousins, their Mum has a glass of wine at every evening meal but she’s not Muslim.. The kids have not picked up the habit.. Apart from her the other examples are Muslim and male but they don’t drink regularly or openly (for ex not in front of my grandparents).. I’ve mentioned this before but I used to see a Turkish guy years ago and in their culture it’s VERY common to drink (their national drink is actually alcoholic lol, it’s called Raki).. I personally loathe people getting drunk and all the associated drama but I don’t have a problem with someone having the odd glass in front of me..
I know Muslim men who drink socially but not at home or in front of their kids. They drink when at work events or out with their friends. The kids don’t seem to be affected by it thus far (1 guy at my work who does this has kids in high school and from what I hear, they’re follow the typical Islamic stuff and attend Masjid etc.). I asked him once if his kids knew he drank and he said probably not…he has NEVER drank in front of them and the topic has never brought up…and due to how Islam is followed at home (i.e. both him and his wife pray, eat halal, wife does not wear hijab but dresses conservative etc.), he thinks his kids just assume that dad would never drink alcohol. His wife knew about this before marriage and their agreement was that he would never drink in front of her or kids. If his wife is with him at a work gathering, I have noticed that he sticks with soda.
On the flip side, I know several people who grew up in a Muslim household, where the father or mother does not drink, yet as adults, they either rejected Islam completely or just remain Muslim in name only for various reasons. Even in my own family I have cousins who are not really practicing and it has nothing to do alcohol (no one in my family drinks).
My point being that a husband/father drinking alcohol is not the only factor that can effect how the kids grow up viewing Islamic and whether they choose to stay a part of the religion. I understand we tend to put a strong emphasis on this but this is just one of the many rules in Islam. Not eating halal, mother not wearing hijab…there are many other things we do on a regular basis which are against our religion and can end up effecting how practicing the kids are in the future.
I didn’t know this when I was younger but a ton of older guys in my extended family drink. Not my immediates because this branch was governed by my grandmother and her sisters and they weren’t married to men like that but their cousins were heavy drinkers. You can see the whole 3, 4 generations gradually becoming meh about religion. It’s like weaning it off because if you’re doing one non-halal thing then why not the other. There’s no prayer, no ramadan, no charity, not even haj. Like these men’s wives have to look to for mehrams for haj, umrah because their sons and husband refuse. They’ll give them the money, book their flights with the best tour operators but will not physically accompany them. I don’t know why this refusal freaks me out more than anything. Weirdly there’s always one son who’ll get very very religious in every generation. Bas Allah jis ko hadayt day.
It’s still disturbing that he believes that Allah should be obeyed/feared to the tee at home or when with the wife and kids, but Allah takes a backseat when socializing with colleagues after work. And granted that we all “pick and choose” what to follow, but the above us basically the message that he’s sending even if the kids are none the wiser about it. And God knows…maybe one day even the kids will somehow find out…either through someone else or pics etc etc.
And sure…one can always argue that disobedience in one area does not mean total rejection of Islam on the whole nor does adherence of one aspect equate overall submission. But this sort of “koi faraq nahi parta” argument is basically a dismissal of both sins and obedience.
I was sick, cough and temperature so I went to this doctor. He said every now and then one should drink you know it’s good for bla bla. So I said are you recommending me to drink? And he was like no I’m just saying and we both were laughing.
That doctor was alcoholic. Damn! What you can expect from a regular dude? Mostly its the west, many of my male friends who never drink in Pak when went to abroad tried every single kind of alcohol available in the market.
It’s the freedom which shows you who people really are but many people/guys drink even in Pak. Seems like the fact their no good deed is accepted for 40 days if they drink once doesn’t bother them. Even Muslim girls drink like it’s no big deal. Such a terrible no big deal era.
Alhamdulillah I don’t drink and I’m still alive and happy and have a great social circle.
My dad drank but never in front of us. He was a gifted individual with a high IQ. I now believe he drank to calm himself down. His drinking had nothing to do with me rejecting religion. I found out about his drinking way after I had renounced religion.
Based on my conversations with him, I don’t think fear or obeying Allah has anything to do with many of his choices. He made is wife aware of the fact that he drank socially, and she said she would only marry him if he promised never to do it in front of her or kids or anyone in their family etc. He promised that he would not and for 20+ years, he has kept his promise. As for eating halal, praying etc…from my understanding its a mixture of habit/doing it to make his wife happy. Even with the eating halal, I’ve seen him eat steaks during client dinners so he’s obviously not 100% strict on that although 99% of the time I see him get veggie/seafood dishes.. But anyway…the point being that I don’t think fear/obeying God has anything to do with this. He’s keeping a promise he made to his wife before marriage and doing what he feels he need to in order to keep her happy and keep peace in the home.
I agree. My issue is mainly if he decides to do it again. It’s in the past and being with him, I’ve never had to worry that if he goes out with his friends, he’s going to end up drinking or anything like that. I think there were a few scary close calls when he was going through his spoiled brat/rebel phase that showed him the light and he hasn’t touched it since. And by his demeanor/behavior/attitude, you would NEVER think that he has any sort of a past. And none of our friends/family know–we’ve decided to keep it between us.
I don’t know of any families where the father drank and the kids turned out religious/conservative EXCEPT our imam. His father wasn’t practicing and the imam grew up living the usual western lifestyle…and now he’s an imam. Other than that though, I dont’ have any examples. Back in the homeland, some of my mom’s cousins and stuff drink (high class society) and their wives know but it’s not an open thing (it’s not done at home, only social settings ‘with the guys’). I think that’s weird in general, but I guess they have more of the 'we’re men and drinking is a man thing to do" or whatever.
That doctor is a family friend so I think I couldn’t do anything there but I made sure by telling him that I don’t need to drink for no reason and it’s not a good idea to tell that to your patients.
If he drinks he’s an adult and responsible for his own decisions all I can do is tell him what’s wrong and what’s right and I did that.
If he is drinking in his home that’s his business but suggesting this to every other patient comes in just for cold & cough is not cool man. You didn’t listen, what others did then? He is putting people to alcohol. Very good :k:
Exactly.. Your post has reminded me of what I often read on Islamic forums, people saying you should never marry a non-hijabi because how can someone who doesn’t wear hijab ever bring up her kids to be good Muslims lol.. Saying a person who might have a drink occasionally can’t bring up good Muslim children is being similarly oversimplistic imo..
How your children turn out depends on many things, some of which are under the parents’ control and some which aren’t.. They obviously have free will and a brain to think for themselves too..
I think brandy was given to folks for flu/cold etc. You gave a couple of sips to the patient and since the amount wasn’t a lot it wasn’t considered unislamic. Pakistani households had it before the ban.
