Re: Alarming Rate Of Divorce in Pakistanis Living In The West.
Divorce? Quite frankly, some people are not mature enough to be getting married in the first place. If society wishes to see the number of divorces for frivolous reasons decrease, then it would be wise to get rid of this idea that people should be married by a certain age or because "it's time" and rather, advise people to wait until they are mature enough and ready for the responsibility of marriage. Being a certain age or having finished one's degree does not make one ready for marriage. It is maturity that determines that.
That said, if someone is immature enough to enter a marriage when they know they are not ready simply because others tell them to do so, they only have themselves to blame if the marriage ends badly.
Maturity isn't reached at a certain age. I know of girl who got married when she was 16 (3 years ago, in pakistan and no it was not forced,) and is handling her household just fine.
My own brother got married at 34 and wasn't mature enough to handle the married life and divorce in few months.
Parents need to realize and know when their child is old enough and mature enough ( if the parents are involved in the process at all.)
Re: Alarming Rate Of Divorce in Pakistanis Living In The West.
It's a highly disliked halal act.
Divorce is still a halal act disliked or not. The way people talk about it ; it feels like its at the top of the "haram" list when its actually on the bottom of the halal list.
Re: Alarming Rate Of Divorce in Pakistanis Living In The West.
Maturity isn't reached at a certain age. I know of girl who got married when she was 16 (3 years ago, in pakistan and no it was not forced,) and is handling her household just fine.
My own brother got married at 34 and wasn't mature enough to handle the married life and divorce in few months.
Parents need to realize and know when their child is old enough and mature enough ( if the parents are involved in the process at all.)
Re: Alarming Rate Of Divorce in Pakistanis Living In The West.
Marriage as an institution is on decline in the west in general, not just among Pakistanis. And I think the trend is going to reach Pakistan sooner or later, as it is reaching other asian societies.
Married couple are shrinking. People either don't want to get married or if they do end up in divorce. Marriage is not attractive any more.
For women, they can become financially independent, they ar enot restricted to sewing clothes, or teaching only. No profession is out of reach. Firearms, tasers, security cameras, better policing and law enforcement mean that they also do not need a man or his family for protection.
For men, technology has been as libertaing or may be more. A 100 dollar rotimaker can make perfectly round rotis. Shan has produced all sorts of masalas, every dish is available in store, put it in microwave and u r ready to go. Dishwashers, washing machines etc are man proof.
Society and people are now open to idea of out of wedlock intimacy, no strings attached. You just have to know the right crowd. There are party scenes, dating sites, clubs you name it. Dont have to be a model to get laid, nor have to worry about your reputation. Religion is no bar either. Most religious figures put a lot of emphasis on avoiding "sin" but dig a little deeper and you find, trivializing adultery has become the norm. All they want is for you to contribute the dollars.
Re: Alarming Rate Of Divorce in Pakistanis Living In The West.
Divorce is still a halal act disliked or not. The way people talk about it ; it feels like its at the top of the "haram" list when its actually on the bottom of the halal list.
Re: Alarming Rate Of Divorce in Pakistanis Living In The West.
As long as there will be ladies like you raising sons there will be women being abused and treated like garbage, never write a word to support the victims and crap on people who will stand up to it, views change when it happens to oneself it can happen to any o us. Now you want in on the bedroom that is so sick.
Will you or not marry your sons and brothers to victims of rape?
Re: Alarming Rate Of Divorce in Pakistanis Living In The West.
Marriage as an institution is on decline in the west in general, not just among Pakistanis. And I think the trend is going to reach Pakistan sooner or later, as it is reaching other asian societies.
Married couple are shrinking. People either don't want to get married or if they do end up in divorce. Marriage is not attractive any more.
For women, they can become financially independent, they ar enot restricted to sewing clothes, or teaching only. No profession is out of reach. Firearms, tasers, security cameras, better policing and law enforcement mean that they also do not need a man or his family for protection.
For men, technology has been as libertaing or may be more. A 100 dollar rotimaker can make perfectly round rotis. Shan has produced all sorts of masalas, every dish is available in store, put it in microwave and u r ready to go. Dishwashers, washing machines etc are man proof.
Society and people are now open to idea of out of wedlock intimacy, no strings attached. You just have to know the right crowd. There are party scenes, dating sites, clubs you name it. Dont have to be a model to get laid, nor have to worry about your reputation. Religion is no bar either. Most religious figures put a lot of emphasis on avoiding "sin" but dig a little deeper and you find, trivializing adultery has become the norm. All they want is for you to contribute the dollars.
Icono the difference is that people in the west are learning how to handle it, I know many families where the divorced parents are quite civil to each other and are fulfilling their responsibilities of shared custody and they are not messing the child's head, I don't see that in the Desi community. Divorce means all out war and the spouses are poisoning the child's mind against each other and wreaking havoc with the child's life.
Re: Alarming Rate Of Divorce in Pakistanis Living In The West.
Icono the difference is that people in the west are learning how to handle it, I know many families where the divorced parents are quite civil to each other and are fulfilling their responsibilities of shared custody and they are not messing the child's head, I don't see that in the Desi community. Divorce means all out war and the spouses are poisoning the child's mind against each other and wreaking havoc with the child's life.
When you say many, you don't mean to say all. You certainly don't mean to say a majority. Because it is not true. The ones that are civil are far and few and even they subpoena each other to court every few months, in a very civil manner. Divorce is all out war even in the western societies.
Re: Alarming Rate Of Divorce in Pakistanis Living In The West.
does staying married and not being divorced necessarily mean a marriage is successful and a happy one?
i have seen plenty of miserable couples who are not divorced but are truly miserable with each other. i dont personally think that high rate of divorce is necessarily a bad thing in every scenario. i would rather be happy than married if i cannot find happiness in my marriage.
Re: Alarming Rate Of Divorce in Pakistanis Living In The West.
does staying married and not being divorced necessarily mean a marriage is successful and a happy one?
i have seen plenty of miserable couples who are not divorced but are truly miserable with each other. i dont personally think that high rate of divorce is necessarily a bad thing in every scenario.
Re: Alarming Rate Of Divorce in Pakistanis Living In The West.
But WHY should that be the thing that defines that future wife? Why does it matter so much whether she was a rape/abuse victim or not?
It is being used to spurn and reject by women who think that their sharafat is above those who met with misfortune. Not one person has answered the question. Please someone have the guts to answer. Victims resort to self immolation as no shareefzadi or zada will support them.
Re: Alarming Rate Of Divorce in Pakistanis Living In The West.
It is being used to spurn and reject by women who think that their sharafat is above those who met with misfortune. Not one person has answered the question. Please someone have the guts to answer. Victims resort to self immolation as no shareefzadi or zada will support them.
Most people cannot answer whether or not they would marry a rape/abuse victim because, as rape and abuse are both highly traumatic and personal, it is extremely unlikely that women who experienced these would tell all and sundry about their experiences and thus, most people would not know whether someone is a rape/abuse victim.
Re: Alarming Rate Of Divorce in Pakistanis Living In The West.
Most people cannot answer whether or not they would marry a rape/abuse victim because, as rape and abuse are both highly traumatic and personal, it is extremely unlikely that women who experienced these would tell all and sundry about their experiences and thus, most people would not know whether someone is a rape/abuse victim.
There are shelters full of them, news articles are full of news about victims, I will answer it If my son embraced a rape victim I will be proud of him. Now you go.
Re: Alarming Rate Of Divorce in Pakistanis Living In The West.
When you say many, you don't mean to say all. You certainly don't mean to say a majority. Because it is not true. The ones that are civil are far and few and even they subpoena each other to court every few months, in a very civil manner. Divorce is all out war even in the western societies.
Most people in the West are on some sort of speaking terms when they divorce.. I would hardly call it all out war.. If they're able to manage joint custody of the kids (as many if not most do) obviously they're able to handle being civil with each other.. It's not that uncommon for them to invite exes to their weddings either further down the line.. Something that would be uthinkable to us..
We usually tolerate more in marriage and tend to divorce only as a last resort when the situation is intolerable (as in abuse, serious family issues etc) so by that time we absolutely despise each other and never want to see the other person's face again..
Re: Alarming Rate Of Divorce in Pakistanis Living In The West.
^There are a lot of divorces in east which are also very civil. You can hardly generalise. And ofcourse the whole issue of how the divorced deal with each was not relevant at all.
The fact stands that married couple in west are shrinking, divorce dealings were not an answer or relevant to it. But some here have a habit of flying to tangents.
Re: Alarming Rate Of Divorce in Pakistanis Living In The West.
^Er it was relevant to the post I was actually answering..
I wasn't the one who brought it up in the first place so not sure why you've mentioned my post rather than the oneI've answered which strangely you've 'liked' (so that's not 'off tangent' seeing as though you agree with its viewpoint and you don't have a problem with it 'generalising' about westerners there? LOL)