I’m curious with regards to your opinions on age difference. I have been deciding among a few people and one of them is older than me by 11 years. She is the most sophisticated of the bunch and I enjoy spending time with her as she is more mature than many other women I’ve been set up with.
I don’t think my mother would approve as obviously, they are only 6 years apart. One of my cousins has recently told our extended family who I am interested in. Random aunties have been calling my mother telling her that I am thinking of marrying an ‘auntie’ and that I should go for someone my own age, who will be able to bear me children. To be honest, at this point in my life I’ve only just started thinking about kids and right now its not really a priority.
I’ve gotten a few other rishtas but the younger girls seem only to be interested in ridiculous things…like Michael Kors watches, the latest fashion, and Kim Kardashian. I can hardly keep up a decent conversation with such airheads. However, my cousin told me to marry one of these girls as raising a family is a sunnah and that I will regret it later if I don’t marry someone younger. Also, he told me her looks will fade as she is well past her ‘expiration date’.
Despite her age, she makes me feel good. We recently went skydiving together and she is in good physical shape. This is important to me of course. I do not want to marry someone who cannot keep up with my physical requirements, I’m a fairly fit guy. I think I may be falling for her, hard.
I have been deciding among a few people and one of them is older than me by 11 years. I don't think my mother would approve as obviously, they are only 6 years apart. ... that I should go for someone my own age, who will be able to bear me children. To be honest, at this point in my life I've only just started thinking about kids and right now its not really a priority. Also, he told me her looks will fade as she is well past her 'expiration date'. Despite her age, she makes me feel good.
I know that feeling bro. Do you mind telling us your age e.g. your 32 she's 43 then I can understand where your mom's coming from.
How can you be so sure that 32 and 43 or any different pairing of ages would be a "perfect" match? I'm not going to discourage the OP. I'm just curious as to the reasons behind your conclusion. And don't give me the example of Prophet SAWS and Hazrat Khadija (RA). I already know it's acceptable in Islam.
Sometimes I don't know what's worse....the feel-good responses or the harsher ones.
How can you be so sure that 32 and 43 or any different pairing of ages would be a "perfect" match? I'm not going to discourage the OP. I'm just curious as to the reasons behind your conclusion. And don't give me the example of Prophet SAWS and Hazrat Khadija (RA). I already know it's acceptable in Islam.
Sometimes I don't know what's worse....the feel-good responses or the harsher ones.
if you read his post in it's entirety, he clearly seems to like the older women as opposed to younger ones...i think it's better to marry someone you think you'll be happier living with, even if it means older woman.
there is nothing wrong in marrying older women as our beloved prophet [s.a.w.s.] had married ummahaat ul momineen, Bibi Khadeeja [r.a.].
I have read his post clearly, Kkf, and more than once. I don't think it can be said that he's generally drawn to older women as there is mention of only one older woman in the OP's post. It's a matter of compatibility and if he were to find that compatibility in a woman within his age range, he'd be okay with that. It's just that he hasn't found that in the younger girls or those within his age range, but that doesn't mean they don't exist. I have absolutely nothing against marrying older women. I have seen enough examples of troubled marriages (successes too) among couples whose ages are deemed more "acceptable" by society, that I cannot confidently say that a certain age difference would be "perfect match" as you had in your post.
i was referring to those few women he mentioned in his post and my statement didn't encompass everyone at every situation. i think out of the lot the older woman is the BEST option for her and perfect for him...i didn't say it's perfect for everyone. sure he can look around and find someone else who may be like this older woman but a bit younger, closer to his own age.
I know you weren't referring to everyone. In general I don't think we can so easily say that it will be a perfect match even at a more individual level...especially when we don't personally know the people involved. Never mind though, you didn't get it.
I know you weren't referring to everyone. In general I don't think we can so easily say that it will be a perfect match even at a more individual level...especially when we don't personally know the people involved. Never mind though, you didn't get it.
fair enuf...:)
Have you asked her about having kids? How soon does she want them? Maybe you wanna wait, have a little fun before you have kids while she might want to start a family sooner because of her age. I say that because you said kids aren't a priority for you right now. Or if she plans on never having kids have you guys talked about that?
Aside from that she's going to start looking older than you in a few years. Are you okay with that? Have you thought about that?
In the end you're the one who has to make the marriage work, so decide wisely. Think hard and if you still think she's the right one then marry her.
First of all--who you're attracted to is no one's business. So, that she's "past her expiration date" and her looks will fade? BS. Guess what--a man's looks fade too, as do a younger woman's. Then what? Dump the 1st wife and find another one? So, please don't follow that stupid line of thinking...... I could get more crude but you know what I'm saying.
The real concern here is having children. Yes--as you get older, it gets harder to have children and that's just how it is. But it's also not impossible, depending on the age and overall health of the person...and that's something you should discuss with her if you decide to move forward.
So if you are 32 and she is 43 , six years younger then your mah , which makes your mah 49 ... So hypothetically it means that your mother got married at 16 and gave birth to you at 17 ( depending all went good for her ) .
Damn no wonder , I am all against early marriages :D
^I don't think he's trolling. These situations do take place.
yea it does and in most of the cases , the guys are looking for the missing love of a motherly figure , something they never received in their childhood :)
yea it does and in most of the cases , the guys are looking for the missing love of a motherly figure , something they never received in their childhood :)
How often, especially within our culture, is it said that the girl is looking for a fatherly figure if she "chooses" or "prefers" to marry a guy that is a decade or so older than her? If she or her parents use reasoning such as "he'd be more mature, protective, a better leader" ..the words can be said to imply father figure, no? But in this case, it is argued that her youth and beauty/fertility would tether him as opposed to the reverse situation.
How would mothering be defined? Would it include things like cooking for your husband, doing his laundry, sewing a button on to his shirt, locating things he has misplaced, taking care of him when he's sick, providing encouragement and emotional support/comfort? Aren't these things..to varying degrees...also found in healthy marriages where the wife is younger than the husband? And if a husband expects these things from his younger wife, can it be said that he wants to be mothered? Then there is also the theory that men and women are subconsciously (or maybe even consciously) attracted to people who either resemble or have positive personality traits similar to their parent if the opposite gender.
I know of several examples of marriages.....yes Desi/Asian....where the wife is several years older than the husband. I don't know if these men were looking for motherly figures, but their marriages have remained intact so far. I don't know if mothering is subconsciously what the OP desires, but his post does not list nurturing abilities or traits among the reasons he's drawn to her.
I'm not gonna lie, I do admit that an 11-year gap sounds daunting. I don't think it's wise to downplay or overlook the potential challenges of larger age gaps; they do exist and they need to be seriously considered. Apart from sorting out the children issue, OP will also have to decide if he can handle the physical/emotional changes of the age gap. I know that Islam allows it...but when the example of the Prophet SAWS is quoted in such situations....I think that his noble character and iman made him dedicated to maintaining his marriage with Khadija (RA)....whereas guys these days....and marriages of our times lack that dedication among other essential qualities. And the other thing that makes me roll my eyes and chuckle sarcastically is how often times I've seen people rush to give examples of marriages where the wife is 1-2 years older as encouragement for such threads/situations. 1-2 years is actually nothing, the only reason it's considered a major feat is because a big deal is often made over such smaller gaps as well.