Age difference in marriage

[aaho]

Re: Age difference in marriage

Age difference in marriage

not more than 5 years

[sidz_angel]

Re: Age difference in marriage

if a girl accept a husband older than her, who are you to judge?
that is all i have to say

[Degas]

Re: Age difference in marriage

@farwah.raza

u know what this shows besides your narrow-mindedness and ignorance. It shows how insecure you are! did women mistreat you, maybe u were not close enough to your father, maybe boys teased you, well whatever your shortcoming are...and by virtue of this statement you have short-comings!!!!! this statement reflects that!!!

it is soooo clear to me when men marry women half thier age or much younger then me...it is so clear they are either backwards, ill-bred/ ignorant or they are insecure.

In my experience any guy marrying a gril half his age - where that age was a plus factor in his decision totally insecure/ ignorant!

Its also a matter of status...it shows you to be one of a lower status.

now dont get me wrong i have cousin who married a guy almost 10 yrs older then her, actually more then 10...but i think in that case...though i know the guy is a bit insecure..he is always attempting to impress us with his knowledge...but in his case...age was def. more of a negative factor...in other words when u take everything into consideration you dont put girl more then 10 yrs younger on the positive side but rather on the negative side of the list!

I think a sign of progressiveness is either marrying a women about your age ... so that educated modern people around you dont look at your like you are a pervert....!!!!!

and ofcourse as we all know where i stand on women marrying younger!!! All women should aspire to marry younger. our prophet did it!!! and that was the only wife he had a child with. I think if women start marrying younger guys and that becomes a popular trend, and it becomes common practice ..like society is completely okay and comfortable with women with younger guys...only then can age become completely irelevant!

I am married to a girl who is 10 years (30-20) when we married) .. so all ur above tirade applies to me and people who are married with such age difference..such as narrow minded, insecure, ill-bred, igorant and pervert!

I think u need quick help... and may be marry some one 10 years younger - if ur not married yet.. may be with Allah's grace u become machure enough with age..

[deer]

Re: Age difference in marriage

@Degas

I am married to a girl who is 10 years (30-20) when we married) .. so all ur above tirade applies to me and people who are married with such age difference..such as narrow minded, insecure, ill-bred, igorant and pervert!

I think u need quick help... and may be marry some one 10 years younger - if ur not married yet.. may be with Allah's grace u become machure enough with age..

due apologies...i knew this was bound to happen and though i have to admit on some level it was intentional on my part, it is a very provocative statement, its certainly not conventional.

However, while i realize i have offended you, i hope u will give me th benefit of the doubt when i explain...though i realize my remarks were rather general in nature, i would like to say the reason why I said that generally speaking men who marry half thier age are a bit insecure and perverted is becauseto some extent, though ofcourse not always that is a bit true.

For some reason in our society it is completely acceptable for older men be they 40 (w/ interest in a 20 yr old) to want to marry women hold thier age. I am taking odds with this comfort. I want thier to be a counter-culture that encourages women to realize thier worth! would you when u were 20 have married a 30 yr old. If you would have then u are the enlightened few for whom age truly is irrelevant and in that case i commend you!

However unfortunately most of our society is not like that, age does make a difference to them...and its true i have only been a distant observer not wanting really to assimilate i suppose on some level...but i do see and i think its wrong b/c women end up with the short end of the stick! ofcourse women who marry have a right to say no, and i am not judging them for choosing older men, what i am saying is that perhaps this comfort in our culture is not necessarily a good thing. not only is it comfortable...men are almost encouraged to marry much much younger then them....its actually a matter of pride for some men (and ironically thier mothers!) when a man marrys much much younger then him!

I am curious do u have a daughter? would you desire/ want/ intend her to marry a guy 10 yrs older hten her. I am not here saying here if you would acept it if it were her wish (if she fell inlove etc) i mean ideally would the ideal man be 10 yrs older then her, perhaps twice her age? is that notion something you are comfortable with or would encourage in your daughter?

Now if the ideal man is not 10 yrs her elder/ even twice her age...then I ask you why? why would you not want that for your own daughter.....?
The underlying reasons for me making this argument..albeit a radical..and offensive one..is b/c i am thinking of the negatives..and i am realizing women are getting the short end of the stick and its necessary that we change the culture to even the ground a bit...hence my whole bit about affirmative action.

[deer]

Re: Age difference in marriage

I realize this topic is a bit provocative and I am seeing its difficult for even women to accept! but still I think its something that needs to be said. I am putting it out there for that reason.

I think for our own sake we need some radical changes in our society. We have to value women, see them as equals of men! I know women who almost take pride in being second class citizens, in being less then men.... and I think the age differences that are tolerated b/t women and men are just one example of how we devalue women!

I am not saying ppl do not havet he right to marry younger/ older here! I am taking odds with what has become common cultural practice so muc so that I dont think anyone here can really agree with me.

Do you think it is fair that men can marry much much younger even half thier age, yet a woman traditionally must always be younger or at most be about the same age as the guy, if she is like 3 yrs older then the match is no good! yet if the man were 3 yrs older..it would be perfect!
Maybe I am coming from a different place....maybe for all of you its a bit out there...but dont u htink thats unfair!! I think its unfair! it is cultural...it is only tradition...it is not law...it is not ethical..moral...reasonable...so why pursue it!

[deer]

Re: Age difference in marriage

i know ppl point to maturity ...that is such a myth!!!! women do not!!! mature faster then men! we are expected to be more mature! we are expected to clean up after men and so we are made to be more mature. However there is nothing! about our biology that suggests that we..... mature faster then men! On the contrary all scientific facts point to.... women maturing later then men...as we live longer...thus when men become elderly and weak at lets say 60 women are still good. our middle age due to our life span is at a much later age then men!

so that myth does not hold!

[deer]

Re: Age difference in marriage

@nstar777

When u r in love an affair of the heart always dominates the affair of the mind. What should be done with the age difference under this scenario?

I think if you are free-thinking woman who realizes what she is getting into and likes the guy alot and specially if its love..then i dont think age matters one way or the other...i think if you are truly open-minded then it wouldnt matter if the girl is 10 yrs younger or the guy...

i think age difference should be irrelevant in the scenario u speak of nstar!

[deer]

Re: Age difference in marriage

@wishkamar

i am confused why people are cmoing up with the words like MATURE DECENT this and that when they are refering to a 48 years old banda...who said that maturity and decency come with age? are you all trying to say that one should marry the oldest man she can find out there since the comparatively younger ones are not "DECENT" and "MATURE" and hence not "TRUSTWORTHY"???????

LOL

[deer]

Re: Age difference in marriage

@Degas

as i posted in an earliar post - there is a perfrect formula :

perfect female age = man age divided by 2 + 5

wow! i take my earlier post back!!! i am glad i offended you! i guess tht answers my question as to the ideal age for the supposed husband of your supposed daughter? i guess if u had a daughter you would ideally marry her to man twice her age minus 5! so when she is lets say 25 he could be 45!

[unbelievablerebel]

Re: Age difference in marriage

age difference shouldnt be more than 4-5 years!

[deer]

Re: Age difference in marriage

@arshad5

Yeah...when you lose an argument get angry.

I have no issues with women marrying younger men. They should be allowed to marry younger men, and I for one would not say they shouldn't like some people seem to be saying that men shouldn't. Again I believe in freedom of choice. There is no hostility on my part...please don't misunderstand me. I cannot accept people trying to take others peoples free choice away....as much as I cannot accept the French governments ban on women wearing Hijab.

I don't need to be a women to champion the rights of women to free choice. This is a universal concept, which progressive, open minded and liberal people like me understand.

no i completely agree with you! its true i was very upset about the french ban on hijab as well..its true...it was very patronizing! so it makes no sense when "champions of women's rights" start to patronize women!

I guess if u read what I am saying u will realize I am not contesting free choice! I am contesting cultural norms!!! norms that are hard to fight b/c its not a darned law you can demand be overturned, but laws buried deep in our heads and even perhaps our hearts! i am dipusting that. cultural norm are so much harder to fight.. i mean slavery was abolished, and civil righs acts put in place sooo long age...but yet today we can not say black and white in the Us is the same, now what civil rights activists have to fight is cultural indoctrination!

thats kinda what i am trying to take on here!
But the good thing is....I agree with you!...sorta! :)

[CrescentWarrior]

Re: Age difference in marriage

I would love my wife to be atleast ten years younger than i!!!

[Degas]

Re: Age difference in marriage

@farwah.raza

I am curious do u have a daughter? would you desire/ want/ intend her to marry a guy 10 yrs older hten her. I am not here saying here if you would acept it if it were her wish (if she fell inlove etc) i mean ideally would the ideal man be 10 yrs older then her, perhaps twice her age? is that notion something you are comfortable with or would encourage in your daughter?

Sure I have.. 7 months old.. u can see her pics i posted at gupshup pic gallery at Eid time.. i would have no prob for her to marry of any age difference.. only worry to me may be if she woukd want to marry of someone of equal age..

Plus i have noted u take things as 2 + 2 = 4 in life there r so many shades of grey between white and black..

[spiritual_baba]

Re: Age difference in marriage

@amana

^Sure, until the guy dies and leaves a widow who's in her 50's or younger. And if one of the basis of a successful marriage is mutual compatibility, how much can you have in common with a girl who has just finished high school when you are well settled in your ways? Is it fair to the girl? And would you as a 30 year old man be happy to marry a 45 year old woman?

YEH ZULM HAI SHADI MAN KO KAM AZ KAM 20 TO 25 K BETWEEN KER LENI CHAHIAY
WERNA KYA BURHAPAY AULAD PALAY GA

[Degas]

Re: Age difference in marriage

@farwah.raza

wow! i take my earlier post back!!! i am glad i offended you! i guess tht answers my question as to the ideal age for the supposed husband of your supposed daughter? i guess if u had a daughter you would ideally marry her to man twice her age minus 5! so when she is lets say 25 he could be 45!

u seem to be so serious about the formula:D .. u didnt got the joke... how could be there a formula for such a serious thing! i am in gupshup for 6 yrs .. we mostly know how we write and what we mean.. still i think there can be any barrier for age difference in marriage.. if one says its 5.. what about 4 & 6 and 3 & 7 etc..

[Zgard]

Re: Age difference in marriage

if there is understanding then the marriage will always work regardless of age

[CrescentWarrior]

Re: Age difference in marriage

Only** ALLAH** swt knows who we shall marry and at whatever age difference...

[LastOfTheDinosaurs]

Re: Age difference in marriage

In Islam, there is no restriction on this.

[CuteSmile]

Re: Age difference in marriage

Did you say "is our society ready for that" Hun, it happens all the time. Ten years older is no big deal, very common infact. And I know many marriages in which the guy is younger than the girl...Infact, nowadays the guys dont even hesitate asking out a girl older than them, and I mean a good 5 or more years of difference and I am talking about Pakistan...

[Zarap]

Re: Age difference in marriage

I have a friend who married a girl 15.50 years old while he is 32. Whats wrong with it. Another one is 38 and married a 25 year old. A third at age 37 is getting married to a 22 year old.....

Look at the facts. We should all adopt this trend. Right !!!!

An age difference of 15 year plus is absolutely fine in this age and time.

Hi , i would love to find out a bit more about those examples you mentioned as I myself have met someone and ended up really liking them and we both only found out 2 years after knowing each other that we are 15 years apart in age :/ we both look only a few years apart and evryone assumes we are similar age. The age has scared me a little but that is my only concern regarding him so I am unsure what to do.