Re: After Engagement...
we were engaged for 6 months...as we lived in different states...we only communicated via msn and phone calls....no dates shates...:D
Re: After Engagement...
I think mamaof3's assumptions are pretty accurate, she gives good advice too!
everyone is entitled to their opinion :).
Re: After Engagement...
Hang on here! The thing I was pointing out is the statement "if one has too much interaction with their fiancee than the whole excitement is over even before marriage."
This implies that after a few months of monitored pseudo-dating, the funs over. Compare THAT (those few months of phone calls or coffee-klatches) to a LIFETIME of living together. So those few months can in NO WAY come even close to being married before marriage. Its a beautiful time for sure yet the big sparks that (hopefully) happen in that year do not last. It becomes (INshallah) a lasting flame but those initial sparks are a one-time thing....so if you want or expect those for your entire marriage or think that excitement is "over" once those initial sparks ebb away then you arent ready kwim?
The other thing is the while concept of the "honeymoon period" which I think you misunderstood. This refers to the first year of marriage.
Thats a part of what I object to. The other is when a couple marries without really knowing about the other. NOT that they have to be husbandy/wifey prior to marriage but things like - how many kids do you want? How do you want to raise them? Should wife work or stay home? SHould she stay home even after kiddies start school? Where do you want to live? In what kind of house? What type of lifestyle do you want to have - lots of guests or lots of visiting, none at all or somewhere in between? Do you want to entertain guests, including close family?
My own neice was just over our house for 2 weeks. She got married in Pak to an arranged rishta who was hand-picked and they did not interact much prior to their marriage, didnt have these conversations. And after less than 6 months she arrived on our doorstep in tears and not wanting to return to her hubby. Some of these critical questions were not discussed or even considered. Yet, these questions will define your ENTIRE life!
I LIKE the idea of arranged marriage. Sincerely. But I think the young 'uns need to have enough time alone to discuss these things between themselves so that they can be sure. KWIM?
ps thanks folks for the votes of confidence, it really added sunshine to my day :)
Re: After Engagement...
i dont care! :biggthumb
Edit: that was for spock :D lol
Re: After Engagement...
Hang on here! The thing I was pointing out is the statement "if one has too much interaction with their fiancee than the whole excitement is over even before marriage."
This implies that after a few months of monitored pseudo-dating, the funs over. Compare THAT (those few months of phone calls or coffee-klatches) to a LIFETIME of living together. So those few months can in NO WAY come even close to being married before marriage. Its a beautiful time for sure yet the big sparks that (hopefully) happen in that year do not last. It becomes (INshallah) a lasting flame but those initial sparks are a one-time thing....so if you want or expect those for your entire marriage or think that excitement is "over" once those initial sparks ebb away then you arent ready kwim?
The other thing is the while concept of the "honeymoon period" which I think you misunderstood. This refers to the first year of marriage.
Thats a part of what I object to. The other is when a couple marries without really knowing about the other. NOT that they have to be husbandy/wifey prior to marriage but things like - how many kids do you want? How do you want to raise them? Should wife work or stay home? SHould she stay home even after kiddies start school? Where do you want to live? In what kind of house? What type of lifestyle do you want to have - lots of guests or lots of visiting, none at all or somewhere in between? Do you want to entertain guests, including close family?
My own neice was just over our house for 2 weeks. She got married in Pak to an arranged rishta who was hand-picked and they did not interact much prior to their marriage, didnt have these conversations. And after less than 6 months she arrived on our doorstep in tears and not wanting to return to her hubby. Some of these critical questions were not discussed or even considered. Yet, these questions will define your ENTIRE life!
I LIKE the idea of arranged marriage. Sincerely. But I think the young 'uns need to have enough time alone to discuss these things between themselves so that they can be sure. KWIM?
ps thanks folks for the votes of confidence, it really added sunshine to my day :)
No I just feel that there Is a right time for everything and things shouldn’t be pushed. All the questions u mentioned…some of them are imp and should be found out before getting married. But things like how many kids you want can be discussed later on until either one of you don’t want any kid than it shud be specified before obviously. But I think it wl be too difficult to pick yr ideal match where he would want same number of kids u want or wud have same preferences in life. But life-affecting things such as your continuing ed, moving to another country, or special cases like that should be discussed before.
I think marriage is a big change in life and it demands lots of compromise, adaptability and patience. And one cant even try and be fully prepared for it. Also, I have seen people saying something else b4 their marriage and later they totally change….what you gotta do than?!?…
Btw wats kvim?
Re: After Engagement…
you flipped the v and w lol!
know what i mean 
Re: After Engagement...
KWIM means know what I mean.
And I dont understand why two people shouldnt get to know each other before marriage or even have an engagement. Most of the time people who have engagements which eventually dissolve instead of materializing to marriage are because they actually get the chance to see that they're not compatible and wouldnt work well together... better to end an engagement than a marriage two months down the line, no?
Re: After Engagement...
I agree wid Riya...i guess the concept of engagement iz about getting to kno each other not only the gurl n boy but also both the families can have a closer chance 2 get familiar with each other if this isnt right or if this isnt the case then what r engagements for??? n whts the harm for the couple to kno each other??? i mean interactions within the limits n with parents permission shud b allowed cuz as riya said its better to end up an engagement rather than dissolving a marriage...i kno marriages which have pre-marriage interactions also end up badly but atleast then u cant blame on anyone else to ruin ur lyf & the bottom line iz tht it all depends on whts wriiten in ur destiny but this doesnt mean tht u shud stop making an effort & an effort to know ur future partner iz not at all a bad thing infact it can give u a healthy relationship in future.
Re: After Engagement…
You have got to be kidding me!!!
We got engaged on July 30, 2005 and got married on July 29, 2006. That makes it ONE year, not 6 months 
it’s usually the guys that cant remember dates 
This one time she forgot my birthday and started wishing me on the 11th instead of on the 12 
Re: After Engagement…
i love this girl!!
hmm …maybe she wanted to celebrate it for 2 days 
This reminds me of when my friend was apologizing to me for not remembering my birthday… in April…
hahaha…now that’s funny!
Re: After Engagement…
^ Yeah..and then we had an argument where i made them remembre my birth-date…but they still forgot this year. 
oh well 
ooooooooooooo ooooooooooooo
i was testing you 
youve passed ur test…good job hubby…
Re: After Engagement...
i was engaged for 1 year before i got married.. bt im nt reli sure if it helped me much. i mean i alredi knew the guy hu i was marrying n used to talk 2 him bt jst afta da engagement we gt more serious about lyf.. n reli gt 2 knw each other.. n our likes and dislikes..
i think engagement can reli help if u dont know the guy ur marrying beforehand.. and then u have that tym in between ur engagament n weddin 2 gt 2 knw him betta n understand him
we used to talk on fone/email/chat/sms before engagement as well and then after engagement met once but not much as he was not in pak...then after nikkah met with each other...and then before rukhsati also...so it was like first engagement then 1 yr gap then nikkah then 1 yr gap and then shadi..so i think this all communication is very helpful..u get to know eachother...