Re: After Engagement...
Hang on here! The thing I was pointing out is the statement "if one has too much interaction with their fiancee than the whole excitement is over even before marriage."
This implies that after a few months of monitored pseudo-dating, the funs over. Compare THAT (those few months of phone calls or coffee-klatches) to a LIFETIME of living together. So those few months can in NO WAY come even close to being married before marriage. Its a beautiful time for sure yet the big sparks that (hopefully) happen in that year do not last. It becomes (INshallah) a lasting flame but those initial sparks are a one-time thing....so if you want or expect those for your entire marriage or think that excitement is "over" once those initial sparks ebb away then you arent ready kwim?
The other thing is the while concept of the "honeymoon period" which I think you misunderstood. This refers to the first year of marriage.
Thats a part of what I object to. The other is when a couple marries without really knowing about the other. NOT that they have to be husbandy/wifey prior to marriage but things like - how many kids do you want? How do you want to raise them? Should wife work or stay home? SHould she stay home even after kiddies start school? Where do you want to live? In what kind of house? What type of lifestyle do you want to have - lots of guests or lots of visiting, none at all or somewhere in between? Do you want to entertain guests, including close family?
My own neice was just over our house for 2 weeks. She got married in Pak to an arranged rishta who was hand-picked and they did not interact much prior to their marriage, didnt have these conversations. And after less than 6 months she arrived on our doorstep in tears and not wanting to return to her hubby. Some of these critical questions were not discussed or even considered. Yet, these questions will define your ENTIRE life!
I LIKE the idea of arranged marriage. Sincerely. But I think the young 'uns need to have enough time alone to discuss these things between themselves so that they can be sure. KWIM?
ps thanks folks for the votes of confidence, it really added sunshine to my day :)
No I just feel that there Is a right time for everything and things shouldn’t be pushed. All the questions u mentioned…some of them are imp and should be found out before getting married. But things like how many kids you want can be discussed later on until either one of you don’t want any kid than it shud be specified before obviously. But I think it wl be too difficult to pick yr ideal match where he would want same number of kids u want or wud have same preferences in life. But life-affecting things such as your continuing ed, moving to another country, or special cases like that should be discussed before.
I think marriage is a big change in life and it demands lots of compromise, adaptability and patience. And one cant even try and be fully prepared for it. Also, I have seen people saying something else b4 their marriage and later they totally change….what you gotta do than?!?…
Btw wats kvim?