Re: after a long time......
Hey peepz, i'm reading all da posts this morning and it felt so good to know so many of u ppl have dropped in encouraging comments and valuable advice.
just wanna add in tat i'm not here to be praised abt how strong and brave i am. If i'm strong and brave its only for my sake. I have to do it for myself cuz no one is gonna do tat for me na?
Forgiveness is all in da heart. Thinking back now, i would probably hav turned into a bitter person if i had chosen to leave. Cuz i know myself well and the best for me was to let go and lighten my heart.
believe me, when u forgive someone its for da sake of Allah and most importantly also for ur own self and ur sanity. not for anyone else's sake. i did myself a huge favour and i know i made da right decision so there's no question of asking myself if he would hav been as forgiving if da tables were turned. :D
i am wat i am. it doesnt serve any purpose to compare his probable decision to wat i have decided. i feel i have done wat my creator would have wanted me to do.
shay9164, i hav neva felt ashamed for wat he did, not at all. i'm glad even in da initial stages i had enough confidence in myself not to cringe. yes i kept asking myself wat went wrong, but no i neva felt da need to walk around with my head down hehehe.... i'm glad i had a very supportive bro-in-law who kept me strong. and u know wats so funny? all his friends and cuzins walked right behind me all this while. there were like let him go to hell for wat he did, we're ur brothers lolz. i'm thankful the society around me is not as brutal as wat u described.
stonecold, maybe ur right. i've always been very trusting in nature towards him, tat must hav made him feel he cud get away with it. but tats lame. trust is to be valued, not abused.
man with a plan, i know the root of da problem was his drinking habit and the ppl he sat around with after his night duty. alhamdulillah, he hav given up both now.
witchdr, gud to hear from u again :D i'm trying my best to help him to walk again. yeah generally he's a nice person, as a child was bullied turned to violence and gangsterism as a teenager. he mellowed down after marriage, but his links with gangs and bhai lougs brought him back to his bad habits after a few years i guess. I'm not playing a shrink to him but i do love him and i know he does hav a heart and tats da reason why i wanna help him change. well yeah i dun feel sorry for myself either. for someone who used to indulge in self-pity, this experience hav given me tremendous strength. hey maybe i really needed this afterall! :D
everyone thank u so much for da private messages, hugz and prayers. inshallah with everyone's well wishes, i'm gonna be even much stronger now.
as human as i am, yes i do go thru dark moments every now and then. the memories, worries and fears still linger. slowly trying to eliminate such negative thoughts. i'm glad my sense of humour is still intact. its one of the things which keeps me going. for someone who have always lived her life laughing, i dun wanna spent da rest of my life complaining for a few tears shed.
Letting myself move along with da flow. My conscience is very clear. Thats da root of my happiness. ;)