Re: after a long time......
wow mashallah on one end there's strong woman like you who accepted her husband back into her life despite of what he had done and on the other hand there's my aunt who has left her child with my uncle and has really false fully accused him of many things and hasn't returned yet ....sad
you are really setting a good standard hun :).....may Allah always help you
Re: after a long time......
Hey peepz, i'm reading all da posts this morning and it felt so good to know so many of u ppl have dropped in encouraging comments and valuable advice.
just wanna add in tat i'm not here to be praised abt how strong and brave i am. If i'm strong and brave its only for my sake. I have to do it for myself cuz no one is gonna do tat for me na?
Forgiveness is all in da heart. Thinking back now, i would probably hav turned into a bitter person if i had chosen to leave. Cuz i know myself well and the best for me was to let go and lighten my heart.
believe me, when u forgive someone its for da sake of Allah and most importantly also for ur own self and ur sanity. not for anyone else's sake. i did myself a huge favour and i know i made da right decision so there's no question of asking myself if he would hav been as forgiving if da tables were turned. :D
i am wat i am. it doesnt serve any purpose to compare his probable decision to wat i have decided. i feel i have done wat my creator would have wanted me to do.
shay9164, i hav neva felt ashamed for wat he did, not at all. i'm glad even in da initial stages i had enough confidence in myself not to cringe. yes i kept asking myself wat went wrong, but no i neva felt da need to walk around with my head down hehehe.... i'm glad i had a very supportive bro-in-law who kept me strong. and u know wats so funny? all his friends and cuzins walked right behind me all this while. there were like let him go to hell for wat he did, we're ur brothers lolz. i'm thankful the society around me is not as brutal as wat u described.
stonecold, maybe ur right. i've always been very trusting in nature towards him, tat must hav made him feel he cud get away with it. but tats lame. trust is to be valued, not abused.
man with a plan, i know the root of da problem was his drinking habit and the ppl he sat around with after his night duty. alhamdulillah, he hav given up both now.
witchdr, gud to hear from u again :D i'm trying my best to help him to walk again. yeah generally he's a nice person, as a child was bullied turned to violence and gangsterism as a teenager. he mellowed down after marriage, but his links with gangs and bhai lougs brought him back to his bad habits after a few years i guess. I'm not playing a shrink to him but i do love him and i know he does hav a heart and tats da reason why i wanna help him change. well yeah i dun feel sorry for myself either. for someone who used to indulge in self-pity, this experience hav given me tremendous strength. hey maybe i really needed this afterall! :D
everyone thank u so much for da private messages, hugz and prayers. inshallah with everyone's well wishes, i'm gonna be even much stronger now.
as human as i am, yes i do go thru dark moments every now and then. the memories, worries and fears still linger. slowly trying to eliminate such negative thoughts. i'm glad my sense of humour is still intact. its one of the things which keeps me going. for someone who have always lived her life laughing, i dun wanna spent da rest of my life complaining for a few tears shed.
Letting myself move along with da flow. My conscience is very clear. Thats da root of my happiness. ;)
Re: after a long time......
nisa_ak: that's good to hear. i would suggest you to do some research on drinking, gambling habbits and relapses.
Re: after a long time…
I Hope Allah gives you the strength and wisdome to get your life back on track, And also i do hope for your sake and your childs sake i Wish to Allah that he does realise his mistake and you both have a happy life in the future :flower: Ameen!
Re: after a long time......
** just wanna add in tat i'm not here to be praised abt how strong and brave i am. If i'm strong and brave its only for my sake. I have to do it for myself cuz no one is gonna do tat for me na? ** ** Forgiveness is all in da heart. Thinking back now, i would probably hav turned into a bitter person if i had chosen to leave. Cuz i know myself well and the best for me was to let go and lighten my heart. ** ** believe me, when u forgive someone its for da sake of Allah and most importantly also for ur own self and ur sanity. not for anyone else's sake. i did myself a huge favour and i know i made da right decision so there's no question of asking myself if he would hav been as forgiving if da tables were turned*. * i am wat i am. it doesnt serve any purpose to compare his probable decision to wat i have decided. i feel i have done wat my creator would have wanted me to do. ** For someone who used to indulge in self-pity, this experience hav given me tremendous strength. hey maybe i really needed this afterall! ** **For someone who have always lived her life laughing, i dun wanna spent da rest of my life complaining for a few tears shed. My conscience is very clear. Thats da root of my happiness.
bows
these are some golden words of wisdom...
Re: after a long time......
^ i agree....
Nisa mashAllah you are an amazing woman. I dont know how you opened up your heart to forgive something like this. I don't know if I could ever do the same if God forbid something like this happened to me. I do know one thing for sure....that you are one in a kind....strong and brave. May Allah bless you and your family always.....Ameen
Re: after a long time......
Personally, I believe the idea of life should not be to mold/judge the people into/from what we think is the best way for us and others. We should help the people achieve what they think is good for them. How me or others would have responded to this situation is rather irrelevant here.
Re: after a long time......
^ true.
its really hard, but we need to see beyond our feelings.
like they say, be extra kind to everyone u meet, each one of us are all going thru some kind of **** :D
hey witchdr, ur no more in indonesia?
Re: after a long time......
respect Nisa. InshaAllah I hope it will work out for you in a positive way and may Allah (swt) grant you Shivah and patience
If I may share,
Suffering is a gift. In it is hidden Mercy. - Rumi
When the world pushes you to your knees, you are in the perfect position to pray (read it somehwhere :D )
Forgive him who wrongs you,
join him who cuts you off,
do good to him who does evil to you,
and speak the truth even if it be against yourself.
-Inscripted in Prophet Muhammad (saw) His sword.
Re: after a long time......
^ true. its really hard, but we need to see beyond our feelings. like they say, be extra kind to everyone u meet, each one of us are all going thru some kind of **** :D hey witchdr, ur no more in indonesia?
As they say all good things come to an end. After 4 years and 2 months, I have moved on. Sudah purgi ke Sudan ya!
Re: after a long time......
you've a very practical and mature outlook with heart big enough to see the potential for good beyond the failures in a person. May Allah reward your patience, ameen.
i agree with MWP that along with forgiveness, tough love is needed.. target those bad habits as they are the root of the problem. don't throw the ugly past in his face when u have an argument on an unrelated issue, though it may be tempting to do so. you say that you've forgiven him, but you cannot hope to rebuild unless he has properly repented, and realises how he's let down his family. Wish you all the best.
Re: after a long time......
it takes time i guess.
its impossible to breathe if i hav to keep worrying abt wats gonna happen next.
i'm happy living with da moment :D
its a temporary abode, i'm not gonna give up my life fighting for him but i will do wat is within my capability.
and i know there's much tat i'm capable of.
i wanna shine and i want tat light to shine on ppl around me.
there's no obligation for him to shine :D but if he does, then good for him otherwise my light will continue to shine on others. inshallah
Re: after a long time…
you’re a very admirable person, and i like your outlook on life! you come across as v.positive :k:
Re: after a long time......
wows wows bravo sis....u have a heart n trust me if u were an angel u were in a perfect shape to accept all these fears and challenges but unfortunatley u r a human.....if not now after 10 years or make it 15 this torture some feeling that your hubby betrayed will creep in slowly n gradually...which will then affect your life your health n your relationship////believe it or not what ever u do what ever u wear no matter how pretty n sexy u look men have this nature to taste other women.....if not physically they do it in fantasies.....inshort they wana dream other women....what ever u do /whether u walk on thorns everyday by trying to 4get what he did or u try to make up your mind to forgive n move ahead trust me he is not going thru the same pain....he might b ashamed but he will not forget his lover or he wont stop thinking about her......our religion doesnt tell u to torture your self.......u r infact torturing him as well cuz he had n affair cuz he was lacking somethng btw u n him...im sorry for being blunt but he might not b satisfied with u.....so just n advice let him go ....dont force him to make a compromise cuz men cant take compromises too long......live n let live
Re: after a long time…
If you have nothing nice to say, dont say anything at all.
The nerve of some people 
Re: after a long time......
nans, i was waiting for ur kind hehehehe
In fact when posted my post, i was anticipating ur kind of remarks. abt how there must be something lacking in me and how tat made my husband stray bla bla bla.
surprisingly everyone who replied my post was extremely understanding, positive and encouraging.
u sound kinda bitter. this is da very reason why some ppl choose to forgive and forget. cuz we dun wanna end up sounding like u :D no offence darling, but tats life.
if my man made a public apology and admitted his mistake openly, then its only fair to give him a second chance. its only human to forgive.
of course if he had chosen to leave i wud have let him go. in fact da first thing i told him was to leave if he wud be happier with someone else. I told him ur a forgiven man even if u choose to leave. the only thing i asked him of was to remember me and his son in his prayers.
No one forced him to stay back. he was free to leave.
neither did i emotionally blackmail him with tears or tried to gain his sympathy.
i made my choice, he made his and with God's will we're still together after 1 year. Our love is even more intense Mashallah.
Come to think of it, we're gonna celebrate our 8th year of marriage this year. If this incident didnt happen we would probably be living a boring married life like old couples :D
But now, each new day brings a sort of thrill.
so wat if he cheats again or thinks abt other women? i'm fulfilling my duty as a human being, a wife and a mother. fighting for my rights is not gonna get me anywhere cuz my trust is not in humans, its in my Creator.
he can choose to fulfill his duty or not. its a free world. if he does, good for him and me. if he doesnt, good for him and me too.
when plan A doesnt work, there's always plan B, C, D.......... :D
why fret da small stuff, take a chill pill nans
Re: after a long time......
I know it will be really hard to forget everything, nisa-ak, but if you have decided to stay with him, Allah will become your strength. Pray for your husband to help him stay away from temptations. Ya Khabir ki tasbih whenever possible, I heard is good for that...if he can do it, even better. Nothing heals better than prayer.
May Allah keep you in his protection.
Re: after a long time......
i'm fulfilling my duty as a human being, a wife and a mother. fighting for my rights is not gonna get me anywhere cuz my trust is not in humans, its in my Creator. he can choose to fulfill his duty or not. its a free world. if he does, good for him and me. if he doesnt, good for him and me too. when plan A doesnt work, there's always plan B, C, D.......... :D why fret da small stuff, take a chill pill nans
Nisa, I remember one time you posted a topic about inner peace. I guess you already had the answer to that. :)