Afraid to be a good husband...

[Fayz]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband...

@Anil Khan

However, I'm of the opinion that if one does those things, his respect or *zor (in urdu) * within the family will decrease.

Why do you want to show your zor over your wife? :-) Find yourself a "partner" where there is no hierarchy..You will have a totally different mindset.

[Mamaof3]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband...

Its the chest-beating "Me Tarzan, YOU Jane" syndrome. Theres nothing thats more of a turn-off than this.

[COCO]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband…

@Sara516

Theres plenty of guys who will fulfill the matieralistic needs of their wives but still treat them like crap, they ignore them, belittle and abuse them. To them she is nothing more than a maid/someone to have sex with and have babies with. Do you think she has no personality, no interests desires etc? Because thats what it sounds like when you say you wouldn’t want to be a “good Husband” to her.

I don’t know what examples you’ve seen in your life, but if you think a man talking to his wife and treating her with utmost love and respect and care has no izzat, that’s pretty pathetic. She is your wife, she has a right in every matter of the house, since she is your family and living in your house (as much as you dont want to admit it, she is/will be your family), so she has a right in every matter of the house. The ultimate decision may be yours, but the thing about whoever is a leader, they have to take into consideration their family members and how they might feel/think about something.

It’s really sad that you think some strangers’ opinion prevents you from wanting to be friends with your wife. You seem to have a very low opinion of women because you think any woman whose husband treats her with love and kindness will think hes any less than a man. I think you need grow up just a little more.

good job sara…

[nia_khan]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband…

@Sara516

Theres plenty of guys who will fulfill the matieralistic needs of their wives but still treat them like crap, they ignore them, belittle and abuse them. To them she is nothing more than a maid/someone to have sex with and have babies with. Do you think she has no personality, no interests desires etc? Because thats what it sounds like when you say you wouldn’t want to be a “good Husband” to her.

I don’t know what examples you’ve seen in your life, but if you think a man talking to his wife and treating her with utmost love and respect and care has no izzat, that’s pretty pathetic. She is your wife, she has a right in every matter of the house, since she is your family and living in your house (as much as you dont want to admit it, she is/will be your family), so she has a right in every matter of the house. The ultimate decision may be yours, but the thing about whoever is a leader, they have to take into consideration their family members and how they might feel/think about something.

It’s really sad that you think some strangers’ opinion prevents you from wanting to be friends with your wife. You seem to have a very low opinion of women because you think any woman whose husband treats her with love and kindness will think hes any less than a man. I think you need grow up just a little more.

very well sara

[Anil_Khan]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband…

Wow. Some tough responses.

Khair, I haven’t decided which way to turn in regards to what type of husband will I be (still a long ways to go for that ).

Some misconeptions: When I said zor within the family, I mean the immediate family (ie wife and kids).

See, I’ve seen it too often that when the husband lets his guard down, the wife jumps all over him. I guess I don’t want my wife to think she can control me in different ways if I’m TOO soft at the beginning (of the marriage).

[saimanyc]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband...

Anil, just meet a nice, peious girl and pray together that you have a happy marriage. It's not a trait in all women that she needs to be controlling and dominating. Maybe you've had some bad experiences previously. Treating someone with respect and dignity will give you respect in return.

[Pinnacle]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband...

@Anil Khan

By defination, a good husband is NOT someone who provides food, clothing, shelter for his family; Those are his responsibilities that he MUST fulfill and doing so does not guarantee him the title of "Good Husband". A good husband is someone who talks with his wife, spends quality time with her, listens to her problems (and doesn't try to solve them but just listens), someone who is basically her friend. However, I'm of the opinion that if one does those things, his respect or zor (in urdu) within the family will decrease. I feel the man of the house should have the final word and if a husband does all those things I mentioned above, the wife will not take him seriously. She'll basically think she can get anything out of him or make him do anything she wants him to do.

So basically I'm a little pessemistic about the whole husband-wife being best friends concept.

Your thoughts?

i really cant see how being a gud husband wud earn u less respect from ur wife or make u less of a man (with zor)
u make it sound like she hav to be a puppet in ur life.
its entirely up to da couple to maintain the respect in da marriage.... why wud she "start thinking she can get anything out of him or make him do anything she wants him to do" if u dun give her any reason to do so?

plz remember, in any relationship respect is earned over da years, not forced upon.

[amana]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband...

@Sahar02

So you're willing to have a poor relationship with your spouse in order to save your reputation in front of some close-minded people?

The more I read this crap the more I appreciate my husband.

I completely agree!

Anil - you really need to grow up! I don't know what else to say, as I think my advice would be wasted on you.

[saieen]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband…

by definition u should not be a husband EVER!!! infact they should never let u come closer to a sehra, rumal and voti. :k:

[Fayz]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband...

@Anil Khan

See, I've seen it too often that when the husband lets his guard down, the wife jumps all over him. I guess I don't want my wife to think she can control me in different ways if I'm TOO soft at the beginning (of the marriage).

Power struggle is very common among couples. If you read what you have written, you will see you like to control but you do not like being controlled. Your spouse can make the same argument, and in the process you might miss out on something special, which beats the very purpose of being with someone.

[Anil_Khan]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband...

Not sure what a voti is?

[Anil_Khan]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband...

@Fayz

Power struggle is very common among couples. If you read what you have written, you will see you like to control but you do not like being controlled. Your spouse can make the same argument, and in the process you might miss out on something special, which beats the very purpose of being with someone.

You make a valid point but I don't think I'm controlling. I just feel in family decisions the husband gets the final decision. If the environment is too buddy-buddy (for lack of a better word) between the couple then I'm not sure if the wife will listen.

[Fayz]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband...

She will listen and she might even have better ideas which will benefit you at the end. There are very smart women out there along with some very stupid ones. Make a wise decision. Good luck

[Mamaof3]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband...

Mr AK, I think I understand now what you're saying and have seen it in practice. When you marry someone who wants to change you, or someone who wants to be "in control", you'll find yourself becoming the butt of jokes. I've seen a couple of this type of marriage, where the gal just wants to wear the pants and thats that. But this is truly not a common occurrence and if you know what you want out of life and what you would ENJOY in a life partner and then choose accordingly then your life will be beautiful. Because of the one or 2 marriages of that type that I've seen, I am raising my boys to be on the lookout for the aggressive, control-freak types and avoid at all cost. It seems that maybe you've seen some of this yourself but dont let it influence you all too much, its an exception more than the rule and always remember that Marriage is the ultimate PARTNERSHIP.

[Anil_Khan]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband...

@Fayz

She will listen and she might even have better ideas which will benefit you at the end. There are very smart women out there along with some very stupid ones. Make a wise decision. Good luck

Now that is CLASS. All you ladies out there observe with what elagance Fayz bhai tackled the issue. Your stupid comments about "grow up" are a waste and you're choosing to ignore the real issues out there. As much as you will like it to believe, we DO NOT live in a fairy land.

[saieen]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband…

voti = apki already comfirmed unfortunate wife [bulbul-e-udas]. :halo:

[TeraDulha]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband...

i want my wife to think im friggin hot, everytime she sees me shes thinkin of one thing....and one thing only...i will be the best husband in the world...

Edit: Too much information.

[Anil_Khan]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband...

Forgot to thank Nia for the kind words earlier; thank you.

[TeraDulha]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband...

@TeraDulha

i want my wife to think im friggin hot, everytime she sees me shes thinkin of one thing....and one thing only...i will be the best husband in the world...

Edit: Too much information.

yes TMI, but i think the people can use their imagination in wat i said :D

[Mehnaz]

Re: Afraid to be a good husband...

Stick to the topic please TD.

Thanks