Dear guppies,
A male cousin of mine is having an affair with another woman. He is married
and has children. I somehow find it out that he is having affair.
Should I inform his wife or just stay away from this whole mess?
There is a possibility that he might do nikah with this other woman
Re: affair
Is there an elder in the family you can inform? You're getting yourself into a huge mess but the girl needs to know. I wouldn't be able to NOT tell anyone, I would just feel too guilty
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The problem is I dont have any proof. If I had I could have handed over to anyone.
But I am 100% sure he is having an affair
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Are you the only person who knows? Is there any way you can get proof? Well if he marries the other woman you won't even need proof anymore. I hope you really are 100% because it's a huge accusation and if you're the only one who knows than I don't even know if people will believe you without proof.
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**its NOT being nosey, it being helpful and in a way preparing his wife for the eventuality. as i understand, a man who is cheating on his wife is does NOT deserve to have a faithful wife. she wud be a million times better off divorcing him than stick it out in a miserable way and subject children to abject misery.
As far u blowing the whistle, i think, as Aisha Ji said, u must be 100% sure to accuse some1 of cheating. its a serious business. i think the wife needs to know and needs to know pronto. :( i'm a man myself but i hate MEN who are cheaters.**
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^^^Bad bad bad advice.
muslimgirl, i have been in your situation several times and have consulted many people on the issue and my final conclusion is stay away from it, as much away as possible.
Many women know about their husbands activities but choose to look the other way. By bringing it into open, you may force her to take some action that may ruin her marriage, something she may not otherwise want to do.
Its possible that this affair is a temporary thing and the man ultimately comes to his senses, he may repent. On the other hand if this family breaks up now, ultimately the kids will suffer.
And in the end everyone will hate you, including the wife whom you feel for now.
My advice, stay the hell away from the whole thing.
Dear guppies,
A male cousin of mine is having an affair with another woman. He is married and has children. I somehow find it out that he is having affair. Should I inform his wife or just stay away from this whole mess? There is a possibility that he might do nikah with this other woman
how terrible to be his first wife! many many many many buckets of tears
okay I'm over it now!
let get to the bottom of this... I think the first wife should be MENTALLY PREPARED so she can be smart about this issue and not ignorant!
I think if you tell her, then she will find options to get out of this situation OR deal with it.
I think she should FACE this situation AFTER she finds herself a suitable match. Until then she should SUCK THE MONEY OFF OFF him! lol - WITH LOVE!
^^^Bad bad bad advice.
muslimgirl, i have been in your situation several times and have consulted many people on the issue and my final conclusion is stay away from it, as much away as possible.
Many women know about their husbands activities but choose to look the other way. By bringing it into open, you may force her to take some action that may ruin her marriage, something she may not otherwise want to do.
Its possible that this affair is a temporary thing and the man ultimately comes to his senses, he may repent. On the other hand if this family breaks up now, ultimately the kids will suffer.
And in the end everyone will hate you, including the wife whom you feel for now.
My advice, stay the hell away from the whole thing.
**
bro, is the marriage worth saving? r u condoning extra marital affairs? r u suggesting that women can be subjugated?**
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stay away, ignore...don't get involved. end of.
The problem is I dont have any proof. If I had I could have handed over to anyone. But I am 100% sure he is having an affair
If you dont have any proof, how can you be 100 % sure. What if you take it to his wife and she asks for proof . What would you say then.
I say that you stay away from it till you have some proof and re-think your strategy even when you get a proof. You could easily spoil a well established married life by talking to his wife without any proof (or even with the proof) ...
This is what my suggestion is. When you get a proof, talk to him directly. Confront him. Do not talk to the wife. That will just break a home.
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This is how bad marriages happen in the first place. People ask around about the guy/girl and NOBODY says anything because NOBODY wants to get involved. If this girl knows something about their marriage, the wife deserves to know. You need proof though, or talk to somebody or something otherwise you getting involved in the middle will be useless. It's risky getting involved with or without proof, but that is up to you.
People are saying the marriage will be broken, but the marriage is already broken. Helllooo. Just because the wife doesn't know about it (or maybe she does, who knows), doesn't mean this marriage is still a marriage.
You'll end up being the bad guy no matter what. Honestly I wouldn't want to get involved, but I just don't know how you would be able to live with yourself knowing he's doing this to her. I would talk to an elder, or ask someone in your family or something.
Also, if this marriage is meant to be, it will stay intact whether you tell them, or don't tell them or whatever. If it's meant to end, it'll end, maybe not through this but by another venue. You see what I'm saying?
Whatever you do, make sure you're smart about it.
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Muslimgirl .. whenever in confusion, look at what Islam says about it and go with that. There is a hadees that says (paraphrasing) .. its enough for a muslim to be called a liar, if he/she forwards a news without a proof ....
first you find a proof and then confront the guy. You can always approach the wife later on.
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I think talking to an elder in the family is better since he's a cousin. I don't think talking directly to the husband or wife will do anything.
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How sad. Will you feel bad if she gets a STD from her husband who's sleeping around? Sick.
Teh whole talk of the kids suffering ... hello, their dad is having an affair and may marry this other woman. They are going to suffer, regardless.
Just make sure you have proof cause it's a loaded accusation.
bro, is the marriage worth saving? r u condoning extra marital affairs? r u suggesting that women can be subjugated?
Not at all brother. But i have seen lot of these situations and i can tell you that the best people to know the worth of the marriage are husband and wife. Its not a about subjugation either.
I know a few people who cheat (men and women), but i have never tried to tell anyone about it. Its not possible for a man to cheat without his wife suspecting it, same for woman. Let her find about it on her own. If she asks muslimsgirl, then i would say. don't lie, otherwise, there is no point in trying to "fix" it.
How sad. Will you feel bad if she gets a STD from her husband who's sleeping around? Sick.
Teh whole talk of the kids suffering ... hello, their dad is having an affair and may marry this other woman. They are going to suffer, regardless.
Just make sure you have proof cause it's a loaded accusation.
And you want her to be part of this suffering?
Muslimgirl .. whenever in confusion, look at what Islam says about it and go with that. There is a hadees that says (paraphrasing) .. its enough for a muslim to be called a liar, if he/she forwards a news without a proof ....
first you find a proof and then confront the guy. You can always approach the wife later on.
Islam tells you to have 4 witnesses! !
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She's already suffering. She'll suffer more if her husband is doing this 5 years down the line and then she finds out. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
And I never thought about the STD thing. So. dis-gus-ting.