Re: Advise to a an engaged friend
yup. guy should only marry her if he comfortable with his wife wearing kachha banyaan in the house with parents and family etc. if not, ditch her.
Re: Advise to a an engaged friend
I don't understand how so many people are saying shes right.. but everyone has a different opinion, and I totally respect that. that's why I started this thread, to get input on what others would think of the situation.
just to me, if she is allowed to be free as she chooses, but in front of the inlaws, to cover up a bit, is hardly a compromise.. it's not hiding who she is, but showing respect for elders in the family.
but then again, I just see it differently than most would. it's just out of respect for elders he's asking her to do this.
some sacrifices that he's made and will be making at least that I'm aware of-
*not being able to have family gatherings cuz the fiance refuses to be in the same room as his sister. either they go together, or neither goes.
*moving out of his house (his family is purely traditional, all of his siblings and children live with his mom). the fiance pushed him to get to change that decision, which he did. the mother inlaw will most likely live with him though, once he moves out, but it's still in the air
*fully supporting his fiance for the past year cuz she didn't have a job (going out to eat, trips, movies, shopping) whatever the case, he paid because she couldn't find a job that was worth her standard for that long (pay wise)
*paying for the entire upcoming wedding and honeymoon himself. now, he's not rich, he's your average middle class guy, so I feel like she should pitch in, but that's between them obviously
All of that is not something out of ordinary he is doing. He is supposed to do all that.... AND let her walk around in shorts in teh house too... whats the big deal here?
Re: Advise to a an engaged friend
Exactly what sacrifice is the guy making in OP's initial post?
Did you read the entire thread? The girl/guy is going to live with is parents after the wedding. So exactly when will she be not in front of his parents? Inside her own bedroom? Outside the house? Is she supposed to wear full sleeves/full pants when leaving the house and change into shorts/sleeves once she's outside like a teenager? And change back into "conservative mode" before walking back in the house? This sounds reasonable to you?
If a guy is living separately from his in-laws and asks his wife to wear dress in a certain way only when they're visiting his family, that's a compromise.
When a guy tells the girls to not wear things like sleeve/shorts in front of parents (after knowing that the girl wears sleeveless on a regular basis and likes to wear shorts inside the house) AND is planning on living with is parents after marriage, that's NOT a compromise. That's asking the girl to basically alter her wardrobe.
I dont know their living arrangements but its very possible. They could be living in the basement or there could be a separate entrances. Several of my friends did that. Why can't she wear it in her room and outside the house?
Technically she can wear shorts/sleevless shirts underneath her baggy clothing, still getting the job done. :P
But on a more serious note,
[QUOTE]
*not being able to have family gatherings cuz the fiance refuses to be in the same room as his sister. either they go together, or neither goes.
*moving out of his house (his family is purely traditional, all of his siblings and children live with his mom). the fiance pushed him to get to change that decision, which he did. the mother inlaw will most likely live with him though, once he moves out, but it's still in the air
*fully supporting his fiance for the past year cuz she didn't have a job (going out to eat, trips, movies, shopping) whatever the case, he paid because she couldn't find a job that was worth her standard for that long (pay wise)
*paying for the entire upcoming wedding and honeymoon himself. now, he's not rich, he's your average middle class guy, so I feel like she should pitch in, but that's between them obviously
[/QUOTE]
That's a ton of sacrifices the guy made...even making it seem his request of not wearing short shorts in front of his parents seem like nothing.
Re: Advise to a an engaged friend
some sacrifices that he's made and will be making at least that I'm aware of-
*not being able to have family gatherings cuz the fiance refuses to be in the same room as his sister. either they go together, or neither goes.
*moving out of his house (his family is purely traditional, all of his siblings and children live with his mom). the fiance pushed him to get to change that decision, which he did. the mother inlaw will most likely live with him though, once he moves out, but it's still in the air
*fully supporting his fiance for the past year cuz she didn't have a job (going out to eat, trips, movies, shopping) whatever the case, he paid because she couldn't find a job that was worth her standard for that long (pay wise)
*paying for the entire upcoming wedding and honeymoon himself. now, he's not rich, he's your average middle class guy, so I feel like she should pitch in, but that's between them obviously
Firstly, let's make one thing very clear. She's not right. They're BOTH stupid for agreeing to marry each one when it's obvious there will be major conflicts once they start living together. The only reason I don't see her changing the way she dresses as a "compromise" is because the MIL will be living in the same house. Of course, if they have a separate home after the marriage and only see the guy's parents when visiting them, then what he's asking for is reasonable but it doesn't look like that's going to happen.
BTW, the guy himself is setting tone for the future by basically letting the girl know that he'll go along with whatever she says. He's already showed her that he will choose her over his family since he's ok with not having family gatherings because she hates his sister; him paying for her expenses/paying for the entire wedding/honeymoon is also questionable. So I will repeat.....she's immature and spoiled and he's basically going along with it all....which is giving her the impression that her behavior is ok.
It doesn't matter what you think. It doesn't matter what I think or anyone else in this forum thinks. If the guy wants her to give up something, then he's going to have to put his foot down and make it clear that it's a deal-breaker. The guy is the only one who can either make her "compromise" or end the relationship. No amount of lecture from anyone else is going to accomplish anything.
Re: Advise to a an engaged friend
I don't understand how so many people are saying shes right.. but everyone has a different opinion, and I totally respect that. that's why I started this thread, to get input on what others would think of the situation.
just to me, if she is allowed to be free as she chooses, but in front of the inlaws, to cover up a bit, is hardly a compromise.. it's not hiding who she is, but showing respect for elders in the family.
but then again, I just see it differently than most would. it's just out of respect for elders he's asking her to do this.
Being allowed to be as free as she chooses while restricting her clothing choices in front of the people she -lives- with is being asked to completely alter her wardrobe, as another poster mentioned. You see it differently, that's fine, you're allowed to, but you're not allowed to continue pushing your opinion on someone who hasn't asked for it and doesn't want it.
Neither one is right or wrong in this situation, they just have a different value set and don't seem particularly compatible, but that's really not your business, or that of anyone else. She doesn't want your advice, hasn't requested it, so honestly, the best and most productive thing to do is to find something else to be concerned with.
Re: Advise to a an engaged friend
Firstly, let's make one thing very clear. She's not right. They're BOTH stupid for agreeing to marry each one when it's obvious there will be major conflicts once they start living together. The only reason I don't see her changing the way she dresses as a "compromise" is because the MIL will be living in the same house. Of course, if they have a separate home after the marriage and only see the guy's parents when visiting them, then what he's asking for is reasonable but it doesn't look like that's going to happen.
BTW, the guy himself is setting tone for the future by basically letting the girl know that he'll go along with whatever she says. He's already showed her that he will choose her over his family since he's ok with not having family gatherings because she hates his sister; him paying for her expenses/paying for the entire wedding/honeymoon is also questionable. So I will repeat.....she's immature and spoiled and he's basically going along with it all....which is giving her the impression that her behavior is ok.
It doesn't matter what you think. It doesn't matter what I think or anyone else in this forum thinks. If the guy wants her to give up something, then he's going to have to put his foot down and make it clear that it's a deal-breaker. The guy is the only one who can either make her "compromise" or end the relationship. No amount of lecture from anyone else is going to accomplish anything.
All of this x100000000.
Re: Advise to a an engaged friend
...