I sponsored my husband, after 3 years he finally got his spouse visa. Once we got our Nikha he started being really mean. He was super nice during the engagement but after we did the nikha, he stared to be super mean. I would say things like I don’t want you to work, and would randomly tell me to stop going to work. Obvously I didn’t listen to him and continued to work. Then he started like accusing me of like having a boyfriend or being “avara” he didn’t actually say it, but he implied it several times. the first three times I was like politely saying hey don’t say that, im not likle that Im from a good family and I have a great job, why would I be that kind of girl. After he said it a couple if times, I just said hey your family must be like that so that’s why ur so worried about me and basically ended it right there. Then he appologied, and called me like 3 times. After that he would like call me randomly from 7-10 weekdays to see if I was home. Im an accountant, and sometimes I have really late hours, but I started working from home in the evenings, like I would just take my laptop home with me and continue working at home incase he called. Then on the weekends he calls randomly to check to see if im home. I mean, come on lets be honest if I work all week, I need Saturday/sunday to do my stuff. But I tried to stay home on the weekends too. When he didn’t have his visa, he would say lets have a kid now, but I was against it as I wanted him to be in the US and be a part of the kid’s life, I mean I wanted a baby to see him. I got worried and didn’t want to be a single parent. Now he says that oh, since you didn’t want a kid then Im going to wait 2 years and then have a kid. I have a feeling that either A he will wait for his greencard to be a 10 year card, and then leave. or B he is just giving me a hard time, and will attend the wedding and will have a kid. My problem is if I leave this guy, obviously relatives will be like really mean and talk **** and be happy with my downfall. dIf I stay, and he breaks up with me later, its even worse, because I will have had set him up and did everything for him. Finally, again im going to be 30 next year, and I don’t know my chances of finding some one in the US. I mean does any one see a way of making this relationship work? or what should I do? Any examples of girls who did a marrage overseas?
also how do I cancel his visa? he has his passport stamped already.
If/when you decide to end this marriage, send a certified letter to USCIS. Let them know that you are withdrawing your sponsorship, and that you suspect he married you ONLY for immigration benefits. State in the letter if you already filed for divorce or plan to do so asap.
BTW, there's no point in doing this once he gets the 10 year permanent GC. If you plan on doing this....do so BEFORE the conditions are removed from the 2 year card.
whats a certified letter? Like you mean have it notarized? or just mail it certified? so his exact visa is a cr 1 visa if that helps. Do I have to mention how/why I suspect he only married for immigration benefits?
whats a certified letter? Like you mean have it notarized? or just mail it certified? so his exact visa is a cr 1 visa if that helps. Do I have to mention how/why I suspect he only married for immigration benefits?
1) I meant mail it certified so you have proof that USCIS received the letter.
2) On the letter, mention who you are. State your case number. Write his full name, DOB, and his visa number.
3) No, it's not really necessary for you to write a novel explaining details. All you need to say is that you suspect him of marriage fraud (ie. that he married you ONLY to obtain a greencard/US citizenship). As I wrote already, also state you're withdrawing your sponsorship and that you have filed for divorce (or plan on doing so soon).
my problem is as a Pakistani, you know how it is.. all the relatives are going to talk ****, and then im almost 30 so I that's why I hesitate
And as a adult woman who is educated and has a career..... YOU already know that you don't need any of those peoples approval to live your life. They are not married to this man. If you have a baby with this guy and then he leaves you......YOU will the one with the life of a single mother....not those relatives. They are living their life and doing what makes them happy. You need to make decisions that make you happy in the long run.
Yes, being 30 and a divorcee will make it difficult for you to find another man. But it's not impossible. How much harder do you think it will be for you to find a life partner if you get divorced AFTER having a child?
The issue here really isn't of an overseas marriage. Lots of girls marry guys from overseas and are happy.
The bigger issue is that you really don't seem to like him (can't blame you) and you're only marrying him because you feel like you wont' find anyone better, and to shut relatives up. Those aren't good reasons to get married.....ever.
You're an educated professional woman with a decent job, you can do much bette.r
He will not get a GC/10 year until you both can prove that you have a healthy marriage, living together, proof of kids, joint tax returns etc.
IF you are not happy and have no good feelings towards him, and cannot see a future with him, and have major doubts based on your communication with him thus far, end it now. The shyt storm will settle down, and you will move on with your life. You'll be 30 next year, but you don't want to be ending this when your 35. You are an independent, educated girl, and you can find someone who considers you worthy and understands you.
Remember that above all, you have to be true to yourself because you are the one who is going to live with it either way.
I don't hear any love or any affection for that matter. U have two options.
1. If you don't see it working out, then u know what to do.
2. Give him a chance. Mayb he says all those things cuz he lives in Pakistan with a particular stereotype about a reeks, gals in a reeks and working gals there. Mayb once he comes his perspective will change. If you wana go this route.
All the best.
Hey
I'm new to this forum and just came across this post, couldn't help but reply as I understand what you're going through - my sister has just been through the same thing!
Basically my sister had her nikah done in pakistan and the guy turned really weird straight after, telling her to stop going out and even to the extent he didn't like her going to Uni coz she would have lectures after 5pm n be home a little late! She basically wrote to the UK visa place and explained that she wanted to cancel his visa as she was not happy with the relationship and thy took care of everything for her!
Please don't allow this man to come over and live with you as it's clear he's never going to accept your life and career and I'm assuming as an accountant you've worked very hard for it, it's not worth ruining your career for someone who can't trust you and allow you to support yourself! And don't worry about people saying stuff, everywhere you go ppl will say things you can't please everyone!
I'd like to echo what everyone else is saying, that it does not matter what you do, whether you stay with him or leave him, people will always talk. Nosey interfering aunties uncles and cousins will never be happy. People will always find something to gossip about and yes you might be the gossip of the day for a couple of weeks but trust me something new will come along for them to gossip about and your story will long be forgotten about. Take it from me yeh the more you show yourself as someone who don't give a **** what they think they will soon back off cus they will realise that nothing they say will bring you down which is what they want. I say listen to the people that have gone through the same **** like me and lailakhan. Why because who knows you coming on this website and getting advice is gods way of telling you to be careful. One last thing, I am not for a second saying leave him, I am just saying to be careful and like propa soch samaj ke do whatever it is you decide is best for you without thinking what logue gonna say. Best of luck. x
Agree with the other posters. Don't give him the chance to get there because he will try his best to stop you working and remove your independence. This has happened with two of my relatives but they didn't get the clear heads-up that you are getting (although they should have got the idea - the rest of us could see it and warned them). Even though marriage seems like the only thing that will complete you, you are better off single and in control of your life and your own happiness, than be in a miserable relationship where you lose all sense of yourself.
I completely agree with what's been said, people will get bored of talking about you and they'll soon find something else to gossip about! Another piece of advice I gave my sister was to not leave him but cancel his visa for now see what happens and try an use the time to create an understanding, that's the only way you'll definitely know he's right for you. She cancelled the visa but family thought he'd been rejected an they were going to appeal later. Unfortunately it didn't work out for them but atleast she knew exactly what he would be like!
Don't act on on impulse and don't let anyone pressure u into making a decision, just follow ur heart, deep down u must know whether ur willing to live the way he wants u to and do u think you will be able to have an understanding with this man?
Being 30 and divorced has some impact on your chances of remarriage but not significant enough to even think of staying in a bad marriage. You're educated, no kids, healthy, etc. Why would you have issues with marrying again? It makes no sense to me. Please don't underestimate yourself...this is not worth it.
I sponsored my husband, after 3 years he finally got his spouse visa. Once we got our Nikha he started being really mean. He was super nice during the engagement but after we did the nikha, he stared to be super mean. I would say things like I don't want you to work, and would randomly tell me to stop going to work. Obvously I didn't listen to him and continued to work. Then he started like accusing me of like having a boyfriend or being "avara" he didn't actually say it, but he implied it several times. the first three times I was like politely saying hey don't say that, im not likle that Im from a good family and I have a great job, why would I be that kind of girl. After he said it a couple if times, I just said hey your family must be like that so that's why ur so worried about me and basically ended it right there. Then he appologied, and called me like 3 times. After that he would like call me randomly from 7-10 weekdays to see if I was home. Im an accountant, and sometimes I have really late hours, but I started working from home in the evenings, like I would just take my laptop home with me and continue working at home incase he called. Then on the weekends he calls randomly to check to see if im home. I mean, come on lets be honest if I work all week, I need Saturday/sunday to do my stuff. But I tried to stay home on the weekends too. When he didn't have his visa, he would say lets have a kid now, but I was against it as I wanted him to be in the US and be a part of the kid's life, I mean I wanted a baby to see him. I got worried and didn't want to be a single parent. Now he says that oh, since you didn't want a kid then Im going to wait 2 years and then have a kid. I have a feeling that either A he will wait for his greencard to be a 10 year card, and then leave. or B he is just giving me a hard time, and will attend the wedding and will have a kid. My problem is if I leave this guy, obviously relatives will be like really mean and talk **** and be happy with my downfall. dIf I stay, and he breaks up with me later, its even worse, because I will have had set him up and did everything for him. Finally, again im going to be 30 next year, and I don't know my chances of finding some one in the US. I mean does any one see a way of making this relationship work? or what should I do? Any examples of girls who did a marrage overseas?
Every one here is telling you to leave the guy and how to cancel his visa and all . Listen I would advice you to talk to the guy give him another chance , long distance relationships are mostly very difficult to deal with specially when its arranged some times we assume things , may be he just calls you late because thats the only time he can call , may be some one is giving you wrong information about you , there are men who like women to be a full time house wife , well you both should've discussed that before the commitment , All Im trying to say is there is no harm in giving him another chance understand him , well i hope he is not doing it all for the passport .
I agree with the above if u haven't already done so, speak with him first make sure u know where you stand. He may just be feeling insecure or someone might be telling him things to make him feel and act the way he is. It may also be because of the time difference he ends up waiting around for u to be free and to him it feels like ur working late etc but in actual fact over here in the west it's normal to leave work at that time.
The first step to take is to communicate this to him and explain that there are certain things u can't compromise like ur job etc and ask him to tell u exactly what he's expecting of u