Re: advise needed
30 is the new 20. Do what you gotta do.
Re: advise needed
It seems that your husband is suspicious of you working and that you may have men friends. It seems that he does not trust you. Personally I think that trust is very important in a relationship. Without trust there cannot be any meaningful relationship. You could end the realationship now rather than to take a risk that you may be divorced after a few years anyway unless you stop working or he changes. Or you could have a good talk to him and find out what he really thinks, what he will be like after marriage, does he love you enough to make the relationship work and to make the necessary changes.
Whatever happens -happens for the best. If it is not mean't to be then it would be for the best. There is no point in being married just for the sake of marriage and bring children into this world that would not get the love and time of both parent. You should marry someone compatible with you.
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my problem is as a Pakistani, you know how it is.. all the relatives are going to talk ****, and then im almost 30 so I that's why I hesitate
You have 2 chooses! Either you break it off and cancel his visa and deal with the relatives crap for a couple of months or years or how long it takes for them to get it out of their systems. OR you marry him and deal with his crap for the REST OF YOU LIFE!
Re: advise needed
Typical desi guy - drop his sorry behind and move on.
advise needed
Op, speak to USCIS over the phone and tell them you suspect now that he only married you for a Visa. They will guide you through the rest.
I need to speak to them myself, I'm only from Canada and I still haven't received my new card, iis ko kaise milgya! But I'm pretty sure that would be the first step. In any papers I have ever gotten from them, there is always a disclaimer that if there is even a hint of suspicion that someone did it for visa reasons, they wont tolerate it and he can be banned from coming here for good. So if that's the real reason, you'll be protecting another person too. I know how you feel but don't let others dictate how you live your life, that's the easy part! The hard part is doing what's right for yourself, you are not bound by children and the second you inform USCIS about this, they will do all the hard work for you.
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OP what happened?
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Hi Cpa,
I can relate to your situation and I would second Paheli's comment. I think you do not need to re-think about being with this guy! What if he gets the green card and leaves you? In that case too, the relatives won't spare you! Do you think he will leave you without stating any reason enough for your relatives to talk about? I feel this guy will show his real side soon and it is better to be cautious.
Secondly, being 30 does not limit your chances in finding a good man. Trust me, world is full of nice men and age is not a factor anymore. You are doing well, you' have got a job and you, by no means, should be dependent upon this guy if he is not worth it.
I pray things sort out for you real soon but just from my personal experience, I would suggest not to take relatives and similar things into account while deciding right things for yourself!
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Im just going to give it a shot. I should have noticed it sooner. No point in ending it now. either way, people are going to talk whether it ends now, in the future, or never ends. I might as well have a kid or 2 to have someone to share my life with and love.
Just to anyone, expecially if ur going over seas, or ur like really wealthy, look at they guy and his family really, really closely. They are going to show you their best face to get what they want. Once they get married you'll see there true colors.
Re: advise needed
hi,
I have the following issue.
I sponsored my husband, after 3 years he finally got his spouse visa. Once we got our Nikha he started being really mean. He was super nice during the engagement but after we did the nikha, he stared to be super mean. I would say things like I don't want you to work, and would randomly tell me to stop going to work. Obvously I didn't listen to him and continued to work. Then he started like accusing me of like having a boyfriend or being "avara" he didn't actually say it, but he implied it several times. the first three times I was like politely saying hey don't say that, im not likle that Im from a good family and I have a great job, why would I be that kind of girl. After he said it a couple if times, I just said hey your family must be like that so that's why ur so worried about me and basically ended it right there. Then he appologied, and called me like 3 times. After that he would like call me randomly from 7-10 weekdays to see if I was home. Im an accountant, and sometimes I have really late hours, but I started working from home in the evenings, like I would just take my laptop home with me and continue working at home incase he called. Then on the weekends he calls randomly to check to see if im home. I mean, come on lets be honest if I work all week, I need Saturday/sunday to do my stuff. But I tried to stay home on the weekends too. When he didn't have his visa, he would say lets have a kid now, but I was against it as I wanted him to be in the US and be a part of the kid's life, I mean I wanted a baby to see him. I got worried and didn't want to be a single parent. Now he says that oh, since you didn't want a kid then Im going to wait 2 years and then have a kid. I have a feeling that either A he will wait for his greencard to be a 10 year card, and then leave. or B he is just giving me a hard time, and will attend the wedding and will have a kid. My problem is if I leave this guy, obviously relatives will be like really mean and talk **** and be happy with my downfall. dIf I stay, and he breaks up with me later, its even worse, because I will have had set him up and did everything for him. Finally, again im going to be 30 next year, and I don't know my chances of finding some one in the US. I mean does any one see a way of making this relationship work? or what should I do? Any examples of girls who did a marrage overseas?
Are you really sure his calls are check ups over you? what if its the only time he gets free and tries to speak with you.
Of course you know him better and there must have been things that you haven't mentioned but Marriage/ Divorce are really important and sensitive issues. I would just suggest you to make sure he is really "that kind of" guy and not really the one you wanted.
On the other hand, if you really think that he is not what your partner should like, then its better to have a break up now than later when you two have not developed any emotional and physical relations. Its really hard to leave someone you live with. Turning 30 doesn't stop you to think for yourself neither do your relatives who can just haw haye but won't come to you when you really need them. Stop caring about others. Live your life happily! You have every right!
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Im just going to give it a shot. I should have noticed it sooner. No point in ending it now. either way, people are going to talk whether it ends now, in the future, or never ends. I might as well have a kid or 2 to have someone to share my life with and love.
Wow, it's posts like these that make it hard to feel sorry for all the horror stories posted on this forum. Unlike the mother or wife, it's the kids that are the real victims, who just happen to be born in bad situations.
I wonder what your kids will think 15 years from now, on you "giving it a shot" when they have to deal with the train wreck that is your marriage.
What amazes me is how women in our society can be intelligent, committed and savvy enough to be very successful professionals in the work place yet at the same time be so spineless, naive and clueless with their personal lives.
Re: advise needed
wow that's incredibly rude. I never asked for sympathy from you or anyone else. I asked for advise/opinion, I saw what people had to say, and thought for myself as well. secondly, there are a lot of marriages that start off a bit rocky, and get better as time goes along. I can't say anything about you, but for me this is my first relationship. It takes time to get used to someone outside of your mom/dad/brother/sister being an immediate part of your life. I've been in this relationship for a while, obviously there are ups and downs with everything. NO ONE has a happy marriage everyday, any SUCCESSFUL relationship, whether its with your boss, family, friends, takes work/time, nobody becomes best friends in a week.
Inregards to your name calling, Im not those things at all. I choose to look at the possible endings to this or any relationship. Either it will work out or it won't. When I say giving it a shot, I mean giving something a chance. To not start something because I am worried that there is a possibility of it not working out is stupid. It's like saying hey I'm not going to study to be a doctor because I might not pass the USMLE. You look at the risk, you look at what your willing to sacrifice, and you look at what the possibility of something coming out in your favor is. Then you pray to God to get what you want.
I can see why you called me spineless, because I don't want to give up and be the talk of the town, and end up with nothing at all. Is that it? Well everyone picks and chooses there battles. I see this as a slightly dirty path that I can clean up. If it was a terrible path or something I was definitely sure wouldn't work, I would choose the path unknown. I am willing to take a chance on happiness, on myself.
Also, try not to use "train wreck" so loosely