Okey the problem is this. I was sick for 4 days and had been in my room. When I got a bit better I went to the kitchen. It was like I was in somebody else’s kitchen! It was a mess! It was so dirty! Garbage everywhere. Dirty plate, glasses, spoons etc. etc. I mean seriously there wasn’t ONE clean thing left not even a knife or spoon! It stank toooo much! Then I went to the living room the same story there dirty clothes mixed with washed clothes which I had left for drying before I got sick was still there! I mean I was in chock!
Later on when my husband came back from work I asked him what the hell happened to our home. He was like he will clean it up in the weekend.
The weekend went nothing happend. The mess got worse now I was feeling much better but just didn’t have strength in me mostly because I had been throwing up. I went to the kitchen to make some tea. I asked my husband why he hadn’t cleaned up he said he will do it later i didn’t say anything because i didn’t had the strength to argue with him I just wanted to make my tea and go to bed but then after a short while he had the nerve to tell me that I should take more responsibility at home because I weren’t working at the moment! I mean ok yes I am at home now a days because I am sick but before that our home was spot less! I always kept it clean!
But the point is I was sick couldn’t clean and he is telling to clean his mess up! Just because I am almost well again he expect me to clean the whole house that he messed up! I felt so hurt and angry. I am his wife not his slave!
I don’t know how to handle this situation I told him that i won’t clean up before he cleans everything up but he haven’t done anything always making excuses that he is to tired and in the weekend he don’t have time
This is going on for a few weeks now and our home doesn’t look like a home anymore and he is blaming me for it!
I don’t want to clean up because I feel like he is using me as his personal maid and not his wife. What should I do give in And clean up? Or be stubborn and don’t clean until he does it?
Re: advise needed on my husbands mentality
Clean- give him silent treatment and no food. Leave his clothes dirty.
Re: advise needed on my husbands mentality
He should have cleaned up. And tell him..it is not only your responsibility. Cleaning is everyone's responsibility!
Re: advise needed on my husbands mentality
Both partners being stubborn at the same time does not help the relationship. Yes he should have cleaned up but you said it's been some weeks and you yourself feel awkward at the mess.
I would say be the bigger person and clean up but if you are going back to work then divide the chores.
Re: advise needed on my husbands mentality
I’m just having a hard time believing how you stayed in your room for 4 days and didn’t step out - not even once to the other parts of the house. 
As for the mess, well I for one wouldn’t want to live like that - it affects your mind and body negatively. I would clean it up and give him the silent treatment, and afterwards lay down a few rules in regards to household chores.
Re: advise needed on my husbands mentality
Hire a maid, pay for it out of his pocket. He makes a big stink, well.....you're not his maid and I presume he doesnt' "Pay" you for anything either.
Re: advise needed on my husbands mentality
I'd clean because I don't like a mess.
But I'd leave his personal mess for him to clean up because you're not his maid.
Funny that you find me being so sick that I couldn’t get out of the for bed not even once in those 4 days but u didn’t find it hard to believe that my home was turn into a pig stall by my husband?
Clean- give him silent treatment and no food. Leave his clothes dirty.
Done that doesn't work
I'd clean because I don't like a mess.
But I'd leave his personal mess for him to clean up because you're not his maid.
That's the problem it's not my mess but his that is messing the house!
Re: advise needed on my husbands mentality
Ideally he should help out at home and if not regularly, then at least he should have made things easier for you when you were sick.
I may be wrong, but maybe the manner (such as your tone, words) you approached him in caused him to become defensive and put an ego-wall up. This has turned into a sort of war. Some people don't feel comfortable admitting that they're wrong, so rather than point out his mistake try explaining instead.
I think you should clean up and when your husband is in a calmer mood, gently explain to him that it makes it harder for you to clean up when things have piled up fir several days and that next time when you're ill, could he try to make things easier for you? Emphasize the issue of consideration more so than the mess itself because I think that's what's actually bugging you.
If you have an overall good marriage, don't let this put a strain on it. Time to move on.
Re: advise needed on my husbands mentality
during the time that you were sick, was he working, coming home, taking care of you and cooking etc as well?
It may be overwhelming for those not used to it. Many desi dudes are not. Are you working? he may be thinking that you have more time to clean up than him if that is the case, even if he made the mess.
My rule is simple, being the more organized one in my house, if there is clutter around, it goes in a basket and in her closet :) Maybe you should do the same with clothes etc. wont work with dishes though.
Seriously though, not sure if the issue is with the cleaning, or with communication/understanding in your situation. I would say focus more on the latter.
Re: advise needed on my husbands mentality
That's kinda of messed up even by my standards. I mean I tend to think that a woman who doesn't do house work or can't cook is as good as a race horse with a broken leg, or a boat that can't float. However, when you are sick it's insensitive to leave all the clean up work for you. Tell him to do what I do: call up his sister just for a visit and hope that she will see the mess in the kitchen and will not be able to resist to clean it up knowing the wifey sick. Go in, make a half hearted gesture to help, you know your sister won't let you clean the dishes especially when she knows wifey is there. Problem solved. God bless sisters.
Re: advise needed on my husbands mentality
men are ridiculous. i feel bad for you.
I am sorry but my reply probably wouldn't help you but in my 4 years of marriage my husband has never ever cleaned, cooked or did any house work at all. I clean after him, bathroom, kitchen, even dinning table where he leaves his dirty plates. I used to complain but not anymore, I keep my house clean, he doesn't. Doesn't even care if it's clean or dirty. I love my husband despite all of our differences and now I don't ask him to do any house work. I know he doesn't like doing it, he doesn't want to do it. He is a great husband who despite of being very very sick, hardly can get out of bed, goes to work everyday... if he does it, I can too. I don't ask him to do things he doesn't like doing, he doesn't ask me to do things I don't like doing. We work as a team. I know my reply doesn't solve your problem but still....
Re: advise needed on my husbands mentality
I kind of don't get something......how can you be so sick you cant' leave your room for 4 days? Wy didn't u go to the hospital if it was so severe? :(
Re: advise needed on my husbands mentality
This has been going on for weeks. And the house still is a mess. He goes to work each day. Unless you are also working, it is but natural you do your part - which is maintain a clean house. Yes, that includes the mess he created while you were sick.
There are countless people who have no option but to go to work even when sick. Else they don't get paid. And it is back breaking work.
Marriage is about give and take. And not about keeping score.
Good luck.
Re: advise needed on my husbands mentality
Done that doesn't work
Really? He has no reaction to you giving him the silent treatment, not making food for him, and not doing his laundry? How long did you try this for? What did he eat when you didn't make food for him? Did he do his own laundry or did he pay to drop it off at cleaners?
I am sorry but how could you have not left your room for 4 days? & while you were sick... was your husband cooking jis own food or ordering take-out?
Re: advise needed on my husbands mentality
Later on when my husband came back from work ...
I stopped reading after that