Advise: "In our family we do this"

[somegroovychick]

@PunjabiRose

I am sure we are all familiar with the famous sentence “Humaaray family mein hum blah blah blah kartain hain”.

My question to you guppans is… what if there is a conflicting set of customs between the two families… what is the best way to respect this and make sure one family doesn’t get hurt?

Small example: My mom has always told me “humaaray khandaan mein larki walay walimay ke kapray detein hain or ladkay walay baraat or nikkah ke kapray detein hain”. I have always been about this … since we all know that usually in most families it is the other way around. That is the norm. When I asked my mom the reasoning behind it she said thats just how its been done for generations and generations and no one has ever questioned it. They do it so that Ladki walay and her guests (aka community) can all see what the guy side has given her and the ladkay walay and all of their guests can see what the girls family gave her. Another show-offy custom if you ask me… but as my mom said… this has been going on for generations.

Now my in-laws to be… I am pretty positive (like 99.99%) that they are like every other Pakistani family and believe that they are responsible for the Walima clothing .. from their traditional standpoint.

This leaves me confused. I think the easiest thing is to tell my mom that we won’t be doing things the way they are usually done in our family… she may be sad but atleast it avoids potential conflict with the inlaws?

What do you guys think?

(btw: since basically every shaadi has been “in the khandaan” … this has never been an issue till now )

Also what about other things that clash as well? I don’t want to throw my own family under the bus everytime…

Mods: I did a search and couldn’t find a relevant thread on this topic but if there is one → feel free to move this. Thanks!

weddings are REALLY special for mom’s of daughters and you shouldn’t deprive your own mom of the chance of doing things traditionally. i know mom’s of son’s are happy etc. too to get a bahu, but the attitude is always a bit different if its their daughter’s wedding. i find brides usually have the upper hand.
and if you have a good relationship with your inlaws, they should respect that, and you should be able to speak to them about this pretty casually and without it being such a big deal. its not like you’re telling them you can’t bring any outfits for me- you’re just saying, lets switch. and a compromise would be, ok you bring the shaadi outfit and the valima set, and we’ll bring the valima outfit and the shaadi set. problem solved. each of you is involved in both days.

[PunjabiRose]

Re: Advise: “In our family we do this”

You make some great points SGC … thank you. …

[PunjabiRose]

Re: Advise: "In our family we do this"

Afshi : thank you so much for sharing your experience with me!

If you dont mind me asking - why did you choose to only have a mehndi and nikkah???

I am asking because I am leaning towards the whole "less is more" thing.... with EVERYTHING in general... but we'll see what actually ends up happening...