Urdu Speaking Families traditions:
1) Girls side buys the groom's outfit for nikah (if there is a separete nikah to be held) wedding and valima, he does his own for mehndi
2) Boys' side buys girls's outfits for nikah (if there is a separete nikah to be held) wedding and valima, she does her own for mehndi
3) Clothes from the girls side for the boys' immediate family and their spouses, some familes have this tradition for the extended family too. The exception are Urdu Speaking familes from Bihar where only the groom's sisters are given clothes.
4) Urdu speaking familes are big on the bride wearing the "nath" or nose ring on the wedding day.
5) A flower sehra for the girl to tie around her head at the time of rukhsati (thank God this is going down)
6) Less dancing (in general) than Punjabi families esp. for the older crowd
Although this is an old tradition of beharis.. and most people don't follow it anymore. Right after shaadi, second day or something, both groom and bride would live with bride's family for few days in her house. I find it funny :)
And yes less dancing.. this is very important that miss. Also I don't know if punjabis do this or not.. the morning after the wedding breakfast is supplied by the girl's side. The next morning, girls family (mainly cousins/sisters) comes to pick her up to spend that day with her and brings a whole big breakfast..
I am so confused... these traditions are in punjabis too not just urdu speakings! I know of many girls who are punjabi who married into punjabi families and they had to go through the same "urdu speaking" traditions... hmmmmm
hm… other than the dancing thing (which my fam isn’t a big fan of) … everything else is new to me. Mabey my family is just really out there With gifts we don’t necessarily always give clothing either.
@ Maham: I know thats why people try to find families with similar backgrounds... it makes complete sense. But its hard to find the perfect guy and the family with identical (or close/similar) customs and norms..... especially here in the US.
I found my prince charming but now I also need to learn more about what his families traditions and customs are. He himself has no idea so he is of no help. lol. This would be the first step in regards to striking a balance between the two families.
I understand, you are right :-). You can never find a perfect match so to speak and i think that happens with everyone whether here in pak or us. If its not customs then something else wl be different so yah no sweat over that :). And you seem to be someone who is very open to learn their way of things so i am sure you will do just fine, InshaAllah.
All the best yar :=) Hope everything goes great for you. Aameen.
Urdu Speaking Families traditions:
1) Girls side buys the groom's outfit for nikah (if there is a separete nikah to be held) wedding and valima, he does his own for mehndi
2) Boys' side buys girls's outfits for nikah (if there is a separete nikah to be held) wedding and valima, she does her own for mehndi
3) Clothes from the girls side for the boys' immediate family and their spouses, some familes have this tradition for the extended family too. The exception are Urdu Speaking familes from Bihar where only the groom's sisters are given clothes.
4) Urdu speaking familes are big on the bride wearing the "nath" or nose ring on the wedding day.
5) A flower sehra for the girl to tie around her head at the time of rukhsati (thank God this is going down)
6) Less dancing (in general) than Punjabi families esp. for the older crowd
exactly.. this is true for urdu speaking families. Even in my family, (2) through (4) & (6) are followed always..
Also, i would like to add to spiral's post of breakfast supply next morning. I think this also happens in most urdu speaking families. In our family, bride comes along with the people bringing in the breakfast, and spends this whole day (in case the reception is'nt going to take place that very night) with her parents and family.. In the evening or so, husband and in-laws come over to take the bride home.. When she gets ready to go back, she is to wear a dress from her 'bari' (that is, the guy's side dress), but this is not always the case..
A lot of things are the same for Urdu speaking and families of other regions and then customs have become intermingled with time as well. However, in Urdu speaking familes some also put on "Imam Zamin" on bride's and Groom's arms, particularly those from Lucknow side even if they are not Shia. Also, big is going to say salam to elders when the girls in the family wear new clothes or new bangles, this is especially true for people from the lucknow side.
Some Urdu speaking familes are big on giving shawls as gifts to Mother in laws. Its not true for my family but my in laws do that. Its part of something called "phenowni" or the giving of clothes to the groom's relatives. In the mayoon, only the bride's family is present not the groom's.
I always wondered what’s is purpose and what is it called. I’ve seen mostly shia couples wear that. Although I don’t know the purpose of it. Its like a embroided band kinda thing which you’ll see on bride and some groom’s arm.
yea in my family just giving gifts to the grooms side is called phenowni (pehnai) whatever i cant spell it in urdu...oh that is especially true about mayoons though i have seen some mayoon wheres the guys sister and or cousins came not the moms or the elder ladies...I like imam zamins..I want one..though I am not shia...
A lot of things are the same for Urdu speaking and families of other regions and then customs have become intermingled with time as well. However, in Urdu speaking familes some also put on "Imam Zamin" on bride's and Groom's arms, particularly those from Lucknow side even if they are not Shia. Also, big is going to say salam to elders when the girls in the family wear new clothes or new bangles, this is especially true for people from the lucknow side.
Some Urdu speaking familes are big on giving shawls as gifts to Mother in laws. Its not true for my family but my in laws do that. Its part of something called "phenowni" or the giving of clothes to the groom's relatives. In the mayoon, only the bride's family is present not the groom's.
Imam Zamin refers to the 8th Shia Imam, Imam Raza, who is believed to be a guardian of travelers. In Pakistan and India, people use the term to refer to a custom wherein they tie an armband containing money to a person’s right arm before they embark on a journey, or some auspicious event. After successfully completing the trip/event, the armband is removed and the money inside it is donated to charity. It’s essentially a form of “nazr.”
It’s mostly a Shia custom, but I have seen some Sunni people (usually from culturally Shia places like Lucknow & Hyerabad) doing it as well.
im an urdu speaking person married to a punajbi guy.. adn man oh man did we have issues when the wedding preps were in full swing..
no one had ever managed to marry out of the biradari at my end so nothing like the wedding dress or valima dress or food was ever discussed since it was the same at both ends
but when my wedding happened.. oh dear god... we tried ever so hard to not step on each other's toes..
urdu speaking famillies expect the girl's barat and valima outfit to come from the guy's side.. and the guys clothing comes from the girls side..
its the other way around in punjabi families.. since we knew that the other culture was diff.. we played it like this... give the othe rside plenty of space.. and let tere be a compromise..
also.. we did whatever we wanted according to our family set up and traditions on our day which was barat.. and they did as they are used to on valima..
clothign wise.. i made my own but also the hsuband's for both days (which later i was pissed about.. if i had to make my own, why did we do his? ) :D
valima was from their side but then it was a bit diff cuz instead of the mehndi dupatta only.. they made a whole outfit for me.. which i loved.. so i guess it worked out..
in the end.. there will have to be major compromises cuz these 2 cultures are WORLD APART.. and this is just the beginning... u will find out just how much differences there will be whenever there is a tradition that pops up.. like when u get pregnant.. or when u have a baby.. or when there is an aqiqa.. etc etc... time to increase the heart and mind space BIG TIME. :D
I been wanted to post something since you started the thread...but believe it or not I m currently going through this hell (i m in khawateen's situation).
three months before the wedding my inlaws deicide that they will keep with their lahorie tradition (they have lived in lahore for ever but are urdu speaking)...and tell my mom they we will have to provide my barat outfit :(
So please have a talk now so u have no last min. mix ups.
we do many of the traditions that some of the urdu speaking pple do (frankly, urdu and punjabis dont have much a difference).
I had one mehndi and one nikkah function.
for the mehndi, my mom basically told his mom that whatever traditions u guys do on ur side, just do them. But i dont think they did them lol. They brought the flowers and stuff for me to wear, and did the normal mehndi and mitthai thing. Same things we do.
So i was watchign my older nand's mehndi (they call it a hallu ceremony..something like that) and they were feeding her so mething with a spoon and doing other things. at that time watching it, i didnt think any of it, but now as im typing this,im thinking: why wasnt that done to me? lol.
well they wanted to buy my nikkah outfit, but im really picky with stuff, so i told them that its okay i'll buy my own (which i did). they ended up buying some really fancy fancy saris, which i ended up wearing when i came back from my honeymoon and my parents and family came over.
With gifts we don’t necessarily always give clothing either.
