Advice

[Chameli420]

@redvelvet

Sometimes the word “majority” simply means that all the fools are one one side.

And in this case the foolish majority of your family is upset because you didn’t want to spend spend the rest of your life miserable with a guy whom you found incompatible. They fail to understand that it takes mutual willingness to make a marriage work…and that their own son would not have been happy with a woman who was not interested in him from the get-go.

You say that you’re not bothered, Chameli…but the fact that you’ve created a thread about it indicates that you are somewhat bothered or perhaps apprehensive about the situation.

I know it’s easier said than done, but calm down and remind yourself that you can’t control how other people will think or act. You have no control over how another person will be behave towards you. But you do, however, have control over your own self. Tell yourself that you are the BIGGER PERSON…that you will try your best to behave in a dignified manner with your family.

You don’t have to love or even like a person to respect them. Meet your uncles in a cordial manner. Greet them with the salam and a smile. Ask them about their trip. Ask them how their family is doing. Invite them to your home. Even if they behave in a reserved…way and give you the cold shoulder…at least you will feel peace of mind knowing that you did your part (therefore you have nothing to feel guilty about).

If you have good/strong rapport with your bhabi and if you trust her…then talk to her about the situation. Perhaps she might be able to give you an idea about how the uncles feel about you. You could try explaining to her that you’re worried that her father/family are still upset at you…and that you don’t want there to be any grudges between the families. If the cousin that you were supposed to marry…is now happily married himself…that is a point that you can bring up with your bhabi…as a way of showing that Allah does what is best for everyone.

Make your bhabi feel welcome…develop your relationship with her…and hopefully (there’s no guarantee)…but maybe she’ll have good things to say about you to her family…and could possible change their views about you. If not…then oh well…it’s not your headache.

And if bhabi and her entire family are still holding a grudge…then so be it, Chameli. You can’t force them to like you. You can only fulfill courtesy, be polite, and maintain a distance. At least you won’t be feeling guilty about not acknowledging them.

Plus…your entire family doesn’t hold a grudge toward you. You mentioned that you have cousins whom you get along with. Find comfort in that. Pray that Allah smooths out the differences between the families. And just be polite and KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS. That’s all you can do If they persist with their attitude…rest assured that there are plenty of people in your life that understand and love you (your immediate family, spouse, friends, etc).

Thanks redvelvet.its always good to read your advices