I’m a newbie and this is my first post in this forum!
I was wondering how old you all are? I think I may be too old?? 25!
Is anyone here married as I could really do with some advice. I have been married almost 2yrs now and its driving me mad! My husband never takes me anywhere and I am so lonely and unhappy.. I have been told i’m quite attractive but with low confidence. I guess cuz my husband has never taken me anywhere where there is a crowd.. club, bars etc i feel like he is not proud to have me on his arm? When he does take me out he brags about it and I feel the only reason he did it was purely to make himself look like a great husband! I feel that being married has lowered my confidence esp my mother-in-law. I have been to uni and I am doiing further studies whilst working full time. Motherin law puts me down by saying my course is easy and she did it and she had kids at the time.. i know i should ignore it and i wish i could! I dont feel happy but I want to be.. I probably sound so stupid right now! I feel trapped. Is there anyone in a similar situation? Does anyone feel that they got married to the wrong guy? I will obviously stick with him (unless he cheats or admits there is no love) but i cant help wondering if ‘the one’ is still out there! I will never cheat but will i have to go through the rest of my life feeling like this?
angel - have you tried talkin to him?....tell him how you feel....and tell him you want to set up some ground rules which you both abide by...mayb that might clear up some sutff?
I have tried talking but he is a mummy's boy and everything that gets discussed between us goes straight to her (I learnt the hard way) and she twists the things i say.. I have evven been accused of splitting the family and almost giving her a heart attach when i stood up for myself! His mum is very dominating and controlling. She has spoilt him so now he is lazy, spoilt, selfish and stuch in his own ways! He also believes he is right all the time and if he makes mistake he will never say sorry.. he will blank me and make me feel so left out and sit with his family until I apologise for his mistakes! I dont know if all guys are like this?
He knows how I feel. He says that he will never end the relationship. I know its because he doesn't want to look bad and he doesn't want the finger pointing at him. He has said if the marriage ends, its because of me! I dont want to end the marriage but I'm not happy.. i've tried talking.. i dont know what else to do
Angel -- You're not too old! I am 26 and also married for two years. A full life is inshAllah still ahead of you. But I understand that sometimes it feels that we've made decisions in our lives that leave us without anything to look forward to in the future.
I really feel that there is no such thing as "the one." There is no one person out there that will make marriage work easily like magic. There are many people out there who have the potential to make good marriage partners, but it takes work, faith, love, understanding, respect, and dedication on both sides.
How old is your husband? Where do you live? Does your MIL live with you?
I have tried talking but he is a mummy's boy and everything that gets discussed between us goes straight to her (I learnt the hard way) and she twists the things i say.. I have evven been accused of splitting the family and almost giving her a heart attach when i stood up for myself! His mum is very dominating and controlling. She has spoilt him so now he is lazy, spoilt, selfish and stuch in his own ways! He also believes he is right all the time and if he makes mistake he will never say sorry.. he will blank me and make me feel so left out and sit with his family until I apologise for his mistakes! I dont know if all guys are like this?
oh dear....im not married....but i think you should perhaps tell him that this discussion is prvte and it shuld stay between you two?
I live in UK and I live with mother in law. I was honest when I first met him and said I do not mind living with mother in law for a year then i would like our own place esp when we are thinking of staerting a family. After marriage he has made it clear that he will never move out and that if we do ever move out it would be because i'm splitting the family! Nice! Why could he not made that clear to me before? I do not mind living around the corner and i will be there to take care of his parents but at the moment i am feeling suffocated and who knows I may even start liking her abot more if we are a living separatley. My husband has everything the way he wants so why would he want to change things because of me? If I try to talk to him, he thinks i'm being ungrateful and says what dont we do for you! I'm dreading valentines! both of us are going London for the night. I might just end up telling him he makes me so unhappy!
lol ur attractive and u wonder why he dusnt take u out?..maybe the guy is afraid of loosing his wife:hehe:J/k
and why is that in issues between couples theres always saas or some aunti/ unkel involved:konfused: ..
Ps hope it works out for u…maybe he dusnt know how neglected u feel:o .. just talk to him … ..moms r to respect not to share ‘‘secrets’’ or to cause misunderstanding between u and ur wife and he should now that…
oh and ma compliments now i can see how bad kinda husband i would make:eek: …lol m also mammas boy /quite spoiled and boring too
I'm sorry but the guy sounds pretty hopeless to me. Mama's boys are tough to deal with, mama comes first and always will. You should consider whether you want to live your life this way and find a way to live it so that there is a bit of happiness in it for you or consider the possibility that you may be better off without him. Not that I think dissolution of marriage should be taken lightly but I just dont see a happy ending here....it doesnt sound like he has any interest whatsoever in making things nicer for you.
Angel1981: First of all: Don't judge Gupshup by the crap that is posted by the kids in Gupshup Cafe these days. I have been with Gupshup for more than 9 years and believe me: It used to be much better than that in previous years.
And apart from Cafe you will find very mature, educated and professional people here. I'm 29 myself (just had my bday yesterday), happily married and father of a 1 1/2 year old boy.
Coming to your question: I really think the only way of getting this sorted out, is by letting him know how much you are suffering. Communication is the absolute key to a successful and happy marriage. I can say that from my own experience, Alhamdulillah. Especially you should make him aware of the fact that there are certain things that are supposed to remain between husband and wife and should not automatically be announced to the MIL.
May Allah help you and your husband to be happy together.
I feel much better now. I will try to talk to him again.. probably this evening. Need to get my studying out of the way now. I know after our 'chat' i'l probably be way too upset to study!
Umer.. happy belated birthday! and thank you for your comments.
Hey I didn't think of that. I guess since marriage I have been unsociable and I never go out anywhere or do things outside the family environment. Hmm I will start ignoring him a little. I'm always running around afer him and may thats way he doesn't respect me much. I used to always run down to open the door for him when he came from work! silly huh? He plonks himself down on the sofa and dinner is served to him (although MIL cooks in the day as she stays at home and has done for the past 10years), his washing is done etc. He never lifts a finger and on his days off he plays computer games all day whereas i have to fit in studying. I think I may start taking my books to work and stay behind an extra hour to get some work done. Maybe the distance will be better too.
Ignoring him won't make things better, all it will do is push you two further away/apart from each other....but to some extent that's already happening.
As others here have already said....communication is paramount.
..maybe the guy is afraid of loosing his wife:hehe:J/k