im going to meet HIS mom and sisters for the 1st time when i visit pakistan and im freaking out!! its the 1st time hes ever bringing a grl to his house to meet his family and its the 1st time im ever going to meet a guys family. i really dont want them to hate me because his mom wanted him to be with a born and raised pakistani girl and im an american born/raised pakistani girl… if they hate me then it might be a stuggle for us to be together! i dnt know how to act around them. my friends have told me ladies there are real picky? u know how they say " the 1st impression is the last impression!" i ask him abt how i shuld act and he goes just be “chill” lol but tht does not help…
He's very much right... Chill out.. There isntreally anything to worry about... The more you think THAT way, more confused you would be, and more weird you would act.... Think it the way that youa re not the ONLY one going through this, and its YOU to SELECTthem, not they!
Givethem NORMAL protocol, make them feel normal, and have trust in Allah..
Good luck!
Re: advice on 1st imperssion...
if his family prefers pakistani raised show them the pakistani in you.dress n act accordingly.keep a shy smile on ur face whole time n talk only when needed or asked.avoid loud laughters.concentrate most on the buzurghs in the family n show them extra respect.Most of all b normal n pleasant.
one question r u going alone with him or ur family accompaning u.Do ask ur mom or dad to go with u.going alone wont create a good impression"haiy dakho tu bhla zara sharam nahin,kalli he chali ayee"
Re: advice on 1st imperssion...
Are you going to live in Pakistan?
Re: advice on 1st imperssion...
Just show them what you really are. Don't give them dhoka. That's what I believe in.
Jis nain pasand ani hoti hai aa jati hai khuwaah wo jaisi ho. Naheen ani hoti hai to naheen pasand ati hai khuwah kitna drama kar lia jaay.
PPl who like Pakistani girl don't like abroad girl. Now how can you impress them after telling that you are not Pakistani.
Re: advice on 1st imperssion...
^ i agree
dont be anything u arent cuz u arent gonna be able to put up that facade for the rest of your life.... but its always wise to speak when spoken to at these sorta events... its the same with meeting anyone for the first time... u dont just blabber and blabber and blabber.. give the convo some quality and less quantity.. im a very very talkative person but when meeting someone for the first time.. even i would rather spend time listening than speaking... its just better taht way
and really... sometimes if they ahve made up their minds already and have a prefrence.. it can be hard to impress such ppl... but good luck :)
Re: advice on 1st imperssion...
A guy's mom can be really insecure about losing her son to any girl, no matter she has been raised. So, when you go there, be your polite nice self....BUT focus more on BONDING with his MOM and SISTERS. They might feel irritated if you stick yourself to the guy the whole time.....so pay MORE attention to mom and sisters. Take an interest in them. Ask them questions. Say to the mom that you have heard so many wonderful things about her and the sisters....that it's a pleasure to finally meet them. Compliment the cooking.....and designing of the house, for example. Ask if mom/sisters need help in the kitchen? Maybe help carry stuff from/to the kitchen.
A guy's mom might not like you for no reason other than her own jealousies. BUT that shouldn't prevent you from being nice and trying to connect with her. Because that way you'll know that you gave it your BEST shot, and the problem is really with her, and not you. And when it comes to that.......let the guy take care of it. A guy who is really interested in a girl......will stand up to family and won't give up on marrying you.....especially if mom's reasons are POINTLESS.
And I would suggest that you get some help from the guy. BEFORE you meet his family, ask him what his mom and sisters are like personality wise. Ask him what topics they mom and sisters like to talk about.....and that way you can bring those up during the conversation. Ask him what things his mom likes. For example if she likes particular flowers or sweets/cake.....you can take it with u when you go there. Don't get nervous. Just make a list of all the things you need to know about his mom and sister.....and ask him about it prior to the meeting. When you're facing the unknown, it's good to have some planning. Best wishes and don't forget praying.
Re: advice on 1st imperssion...
Oh and I forgot......be yourself. You can be polite and try to connect with his family....but in doing so....be yourself. It's uncomfortable to lead ur life being someone you're not and trying to be what others want u to be. And if you're hoping to start a new chapter in life such as marriage.......better to begin it honestly with not pretenses.
if his family prefers pakistani raised show them the pakistani in you.dress n act accordingly.keep a shy smile on ur face whole time n talk only when needed or asked.avoid loud laughters.concentrate most on the buzurghs in the family n show them extra respect.Most of all b normal n pleasant.
one question r u going alone with him or ur family accompaning u.Do ask ur mom or dad to go with u.going alone wont create a good impression"haiy dakho tu bhla zara sharam nahin,kalli he chali ayee"
no hes staying in america because he has school. i haved talked to my mom about it. his family wants to meet me first then my parents. im taking my cousin along with me
Are you going to live in Pakistan?
nope im going to live in Chicago but visit every break
A guy's mom can be really insecure about losing her son to any girl, no matter she has been raised. So, when you go there, be your polite nice self....BUT focus more on BONDING with his MOM and SISTERS. They might feel irritated if you stick yourself to the guy the whole time.....so pay MORE attention to mom and sisters. Take an interest in them. Ask them questions. Say to the mom that you have heard so many wonderful things about her and the sisters....that it's a pleasure to finally meet them. Compliment the cooking.....and designing of the house, for example. Ask if mom/sisters need help in the kitchen? Maybe help carry stuff from/to the kitchen.
A guy's mom might not like you for no reason other than her own jealousies. BUT that shouldn't prevent you from being nice and trying to connect with her. Because that way you'll know that you gave it your BEST shot, and the problem is really with her, and not you. And when it comes to that.......let the guy take care of it. A guy who is really interested in a girl......will stand up to family and won't give up on marrying you.....especially if mom's reasons are POINTLESS.
And I would suggest that you get some help from the guy. BEFORE you meet his family, ask him what his mom and sisters are like personality wise. Ask him what topics they mom and sisters like to talk about.....and that way you can bring those up during the conversation. Ask him what things his mom likes. For example if she likes particular flowers or sweets/cake.....you can take it with u when you go there. Don't get nervous. Just make a list of all the things you need to know about his mom and sister.....and ask him about it prior to the meeting. When you're facing the unknown, it's good to have some planning. Best wishes and don't forget praying.
he has told me his mom is welcoming, his older sister doesnt talk much but his younger one is a bit mean and snotty...
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR GREAT ADVICE!! i really appreciate it!
please do tell u parents before to go to his house…
or else later on we all will have to deal with another http://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-relationships/308683-marriage-block-mom-issues.html
so its better if you tell your parents and talk to them about this guy then go meet his family…
age ap samajdaar hain ap ki marzi ! ! !
he has told me his mom is welcoming, his older sister doesnt talk much but his younger one is a bit mean and snotty...
THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR GREAT ADVICE!! i really appreciate it!
Im not sure this is such a good idea. If his parents live in Pakistan, they've got to know how this works and this is wrong even according to desi standards here in the US.
You never, ever go alone, you always go with your parents! Is tarha larki ki izzat rehti hai. They have a responsibility to go through your parents to get to you and they're not respecting the fact that you are someone's daughter. I would say take your parents at all costs...you will be happier later.
Aside from that, be polite, smile, be helpful, etc.
^ Totally agree with PSquared. For formal situations such as this, it's best to take your parents as this keeps your izzat. If you go by yourself, then you risk them thinking you're a shameless girl desperately chasing their son/brother. His mom prefers a desi born and raised girl........so you should go there making the strongest positive impression. Go with ur parents or other relatives (elders) from your family.
no hes staying in america because he has school. i haved talked to my mom about it. his family wants to meet me first then my parents. im taking my cousin along with me
that rings a bell in my head.If they like desi gals n conservative ppl y would they ever ask such a unreasonable thing.Plz never go without parents no matter wat they say.Ask ur mom n dad call them personally n tell them that they cannot send u alone b4 Nikkah.u guys r not that modern even if u live in West.This way they won't b able to do any mischief later on if they plan one.
I totally agree with redvelvet do ur homework b4 u go.If u r really determined to marry this guy u hav to b more diplomat n win the case in ur favor.Some may call it drama but u will b living with ur husband who knows the real u.His family u need to impress just for a given period so they don't create any probs for u guys.Some tips that a america raised girl might not feel imp but our ppl will keep noticing n then making fun afterwards....
never go to the family in western clothes at first.Always wear Shalwar Kameez.If u find all girls in the family dressing otherwise then take His mom's permission if u can do same.If the family has this ritual of covering head on seeing a male buzurgh do same.Follow n play by their rules as long as u r in their house.Try ur very best to speak urdu/punjabi only n don't mix too much english with it or u'll clearly see strange faces.
Best bet is to go with ur family n live somewhere separately .Go meet them n invite them in return.Have several meetings with them.If they invite u guys to stay at heir place n insist only then accept their invitation.or u'll end up hearing bitter comments afterwards u n wonder wat did i do wrong.
Re: advice on 1st imperssion...
Very good suggestions RV and Mabrook!
Ideally, both parents should be present when you meet the guy's family. If your dad cannot go to Pakistan, take your mom. If she cannot go then someone from your family in Pakistan, an elder needs to accompany you. Your taya, mamo, chacha, etc. This is to make sure you're respect stays intact always in their eyes and that you're not alone.
All the best!
Plz never go without parents no matter wat they say.Ask ur mom n dad call them personally n tell them that they cannot send u alone b4 Nikkah.u guys r not that modern even if u live in West.
ur right. that is what my mom is saying but i wanted to go along with what his mom said just because she said to avoid problems. u have a strong point tho!
Re: advice on 1st imperssion...
what i dont understand stand is, y she sobbing to him tht i respect ur decision BUT i wanted a pakistani born/rasied bahu when her OWN daughters are american born/raised girls, however they moved back to Pakistan 5years ago
Re: advice on 1st imperssion...
this women will surely giv u a hard time so be that Paki raised n shut her mouth up.
I'm giving u a real story here.this lady looking for a girl for his son living outside Pak.She likes one girl but the girls family is hesistant as the guys live outside.how to say yes without meeting him n he can't come right away.So the Lady Suggests to this girl to talk to the guy via email or on the phone n giv his son's contact info to the girl.The girl gives her email to the Lady to giv to her son.Now the girl didn't take innitiative n the guy emailed first.Also he called first n they started communicating.Got engaged.After several months the guy was supposed to come to Pak for finializing things.Nobody from his family asked the girl to accompany them to recieve him at the airport so the girl didn't go neither can't her family coz of timings.At this point some differences occured (on some diff issues)n that very Lady started telling every mutual contact that wat a shameless girl she was to talk to her son on phone n send mails but never came to recieve him.So thats how our ladies r twist anything to their benefit so just don't giv her any benefit.She might hav to accept if u giv her no chance to make an issue as u r her son's choice n she'll hav to swallow that
Re: advice on 1st imperssion...
since you are very worried about your in-laws reaction, it shows that you have a loving heart.
so dont worry just be modest, simple, and confident.