Advice Needed Regarding Marriage

[ria786]

Lol..what about accountants? Chartered accountants?

[diamond321]

@neha55511

i want to marry a banker

sud khor:nessy:

just kidding

[Glamsy]

Re: Advice Needed Regarding Marriage

I am 25 AND not married…I wasnt even engaged up until few months ago and I wasnt even thinking about getting married or engaged…Most of my friends are married with kids and most of them are younger than me I never felt left out and like your mum my parents never ever thought about my rishta up until my fiance’s parents asked. You are only 22 it will happen when its meant to happen InshAllah…Allah has sent you on this earth and he has created your partner and you will meet him when time is right.

I dont think a banker or a doctor would like to get married to a 19-20 years old who hasnt even finished her education so dont worry you will find Mr Right…Enjoy your azadi k din for now

[neha]

@diamond321

sud khor:nessy:

just kidding

jo bhi hoooooo..i need a bankerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[Tab.D]

Re: Advice Needed Regarding Marriage

my father is a banker .. so now?

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: Advice Needed Regarding Marriage

ria786, for heaven sake, you are only 22 and still completing your studies.

Your problem aside, I see another problem here. when you have set such a high bar and you dont find any Pakistani guy qualified enough, how and why do you expect that your mom can find an exact match for you? and that on the top that your mom does not understand you enough (else she would have known that you want to get the ball rolling).

[Ambassador1]

So what is it that you’re discussing here? The factors of ‘credibility’ of prospects for marriage, the secret of successful marriage, or the topic at hand, i.e; a 22 year old girl who claims to be ‘mature enough to get engaged for marriage’, “horribly confused & frustrated” with her mother / parents not dedicatedly & actively seeking a partner she would be spending her life with because she is unable to find someone for herself on her own?

@diwana

None of the factors such as methods, means, educaion, age etc. carry any credibility or assurance, when it comes to find a mate and good successful married life.

Especially age is the least credible measure of being sensible in relationship.
There are very wise younger individuals and very not so wise older people.

Here the question arise…

So what is credible?

Answer: Ability to conform and adjust to the situation and ready and willing to compromise.

No matter what means one use, willing to compromise is the the ultimate way to achieve marriage and later, a successful married life.

[Afshi]

Re: Advice Needed Regarding Marriage

honestly, start looking on ur own.

ur mom seems laid back and i dont think she’ll mind if u find someone on ur own.

one of my good friends is now 28, and just finished dental school. She used to get rishtas when she was younger, but her parents would say wait until school is done, and u’ll find someone later…now that shes done, there are no rishtas cuz all those guys are married off, and her parents are stressing finding a guy for her.

doenst hurt to find someone while ur young. u dont have to marry them asap, its the truth…the older u get, the harder it is to find guy. and the older guys usually want younger girls.

I know its all kismet and Allah SWT is the best of planners, but no one will show up on ur doorstep out of the blue if you dont make the first move. Tell people that your looking, go to events, volunteer, meet new people. Word of mouth is the best way to find someone. If people know that your single and looking they will think of you when they know of others that single and looking too.

Its like someone being sick…they coudl say that its my kismet to get sick and Allah will help me without taking any medication. Thats wrong..the medication is the means to help u get better with the will of Allah.

[Puchi_Kuchi]

Re: Advice Needed Regarding Marriage

I think you are really mature to think so ahead, and yes you are right it’s so much harder to meet a decent guy nowadays.

I would say keep your mum in the loop, bring up the topic and be open and honest with her and ask her to use her avenues to start introducing you to people.

Also as Afshi suggested, start looking yourself as well. Tell your friends that you have started looking and to keep an eye out and get introduced that way, the process can take long so it is actually really good to start early. It doesn’t mean get hitched tomorrow, but start meeting people and you will also get a really good idea of what type of guy you want (or even don’t want).

[Puchi_Kuchi]

Re: Advice Needed Regarding Marriage

P.s you sound like you have your head screwed on, and your not into all the dating stuff. You sound decent, balanced and educated. I can imagine that when you do meet a good guy he’s gonna scoop you up really quickly inshAllah.

[Afshi]

Re: Advice Needed Regarding Marriage

i agree PK..its a good way to find what u want and dont want. so true!

[Stardust09]

Re: Advice Needed Regarding Marriage

your 22?!? you have nothing to worry about! I know girls who got married when they were in their late twenties/early thirties!

when the time is right for you, it will happen. InshAllah.

[heart_n_soul_1]

Re: Advice Needed Regarding Marriage

You are very mature to think the way that you do. I say that because same situation happend wid me. We lived in an all gora town for most of our lives and mum dad knew no one. They just waited untill I finished my eduacation and if I found anyone I was allowed to tell them otherwise I could wait until all the other hundred and one issues were sorted. Obv I never found anyone cus all were gorey, so off to Pak, but by this time things were way way way too late and end result well I dont wanna say anymore. I wanna say I dont blame my parents, cus no parent intentionally want their kids to be unhappy but sometimes I just feel like I need answers. Take the advice of someone who has been in the situation your in now and honestly just start building your social circle if not in the town your in then just online. Im not saying start dating guys online left right and centre, im saying start making lots of female friends with the same kind of thinking as you and then thru them get to find out if they know any decent guys. You understand what I mean dont you?

[Ambassador1]

ria, I can see why you’re frustrated. It is because you have been unable to find someone for yourself so you’re taking it out on your parents because you think they are responsible to find you someone. Believe me they are not. Yes, it would be nicer if they do but actually, it is a very natural process between two young people. Two people meet, like eachother & plan life together. It is no rocket science. I am surprised why no attraction has occurred between you and any guy till now. The reason could be what you said in your post that majority you have met are ‘too religious’ or mullah type. Im sure they think even talking to you with good intention is a sin. This is another problem that the present pakistani generation faces today. The circumstances around the world are making people consider the natural process of life & living beings as ‘sins’.

Like someone else above suggested, if you’re not comfortable dating, you really dont have to. I am sure there are guys who would share your views. So you can plan life with someone you have that kind of understanding with. Im sure your friends know about your personality. Also make them known that you’re looking for a prospect, you’ll sure find someone through friends.

I am guessing that your parents would prefer it if you choose someone of your own choice. I have seen majority of Pakistani parents prefer that. You can explain to your mother politely that you need their guidence because you’re having trouble finding someone. Explain to them your concern & if required, give them example of your friends so that they know why it concerns you. I know majority of Pakistani parents are laid back in these matters but you see, it is okay, really. No need to panic over it. At the same time, keep looking around and as someone else suggested, when the time is right, you will find someone.

Why do you think there are so many online matchmaking websites? It is because no matter which culture you belong to, it is becoming difficult to find the right match. I also think it is because of no, less or low quality social life these days. People are much more isolated than before.

You can also ask you parents to talk to their relatives, friends about you. And keep praying to God at the same time. When the time is right, everything will fall in place for you, InshaAllah.

@ria786

Ambassador: I understand what you are saying about finding a suitable match on my own, however, the way I see it is that that’s quite impossible. The shareef guys will most likely not partake in getting to know the girl or dating (which I won’t do either) etc. Or maybe I just know too many molvi type guys who don’t even TALK to girls… and the players will continue to play with no aim at commiting- in the end they will do what their parents want. Hence I find it easier if parents take the initiative and find someone. That way it is most likely all parties are happy and there is no bollywood drama happening. SO my issue is that my parents have so far failed to recognize the need to begin this search.

[Ambassador1]

Good advice.

@heart_n_soul

You are very mature to think the way that you do. I say that because same situation happend wid me. We lived in an all gora town for most of our lives and mum dad knew no one. They just waited untill I finished my eduacation and if I found anyone I was allowed to tell them otherwise I could wait until all the other hundred and one issues were sorted. Obv I never found anyone cus all were gorey, so off to Pak, but by this time things were way way way too late and end result well I dont wanna say anymore. I wanna say I dont blame my parents, cus no parent intentionally want their kids to be unhappy but sometimes I just feel like I need answers. Take the advice of someone who has been in the situation your in now and honestly just start building your social circle if not in the town your in then just online. Im not saying start dating guys online left right and centre, im saying start making lots of female friends with the same kind of thinking as you and then thru them get to find out if they know any decent guys. You understand what I mean dont you?

[PyariCgudia]

@Puchi_Kuchi

P.s you sound like you have your head screwed on, and your not into all the dating stuff. You sound decent, balanced and educated. I can imagine that when you do meet a good guy he’s gonna scoop you up really quickly inshAllah.

Not true. Plenty of good girls like that who have not gotten married yet and do not get quality rishtas. I’ll tell you what gets quality rishtas: Your only ambition is to sit at home and serve your master, er, I mean husband. You don’t have opinions. Minimal education. Gori. Tall. Thin. Big boobs. Tiny waist. Ready to have as many, or as few, babies as he wants. Or as his mother wants.

[ajuba]

@heart_n_soul

You are very mature to think the way that you do. I say that because same situation happend wid me. We lived in an all gora town for most of our lives and mum dad knew no one. They just waited untill I finished my eduacation and if I found anyone I was allowed to tell them otherwise I could wait until all the other hundred and one issues were sorted. Obv I never found anyone cus all were gorey, so off to Pak, but by this time things were way way way too late and end result well I dont wanna say anymore. I wanna say I dont blame my parents, cus no parent intentionally want their kids to be unhappy but sometimes I just feel like I need answers. Take the advice of someone who has been in the situation your in now and honestly just start building your social circle if not in the town your in then just online. Im not saying start dating guys online left right and centre, im saying start making lots of female friends with the same kind of thinking as you and then thru them get to find out if they know any decent guys. You understand what I mean dont you?

I know you don’t wanna say any more but…what happened? sounds like your still unhappy. your situation sounds very similar to mine (and countless other Pakistani girls)

[ajuba]

Re: Advice Needed Regarding Marriage

Ria786 I think you should have a more blunt and open conversation with your mum and tell her what you’ve been telling us. Don’t be shy, just explain the situation to her clearly if you haven’t done so already.

[Puchi_Kuchi]

@PyariCgudia

Not true. Plenty of good girls like that who have not gotten married yet and do not get quality rishtas. I’ll tell you what gets quality rishtas: Your only ambition is to sit at home and serve your master, er, I mean husband. You don’t have opinions. Minimal education. Gori. Tall. Thin. Big boobs. Tiny waist. Ready to have as many, or as few, babies as he wants. Or as his mother wants.

PCG, i do agree with you, and unfortunately there are soo many strong, decent, independant educated girls still single. I really don’t think it’s because men prefer a sit at home barbie doll, it’s probably because we don’t have that many organisations set up in our community to match/introduce people.

[Man_with_a_Plan]

Re: Advice Needed Regarding Marriage

You will continue to get immense pressure from your friends and family. Get married when are ready.

People who are telling or advising you are correct from their point of view but, don’t make the decision emotionally because it is about your life.