Hello, guys I have been with serious depression, and would like to get insight on your views.
Last year I got nikkah done with a cousin of mine, it was sort of he chose me I agreed, we had our ups and downs, fights happened here and there but we were happily. When our baat paki was going on he liked another girl, and continuously talked to her over the months. My parents did not want me getting my nikkah done so early, but he forced me to come to Pakistan and get it done. So it happened, everything was settled. After the nikkah we had our arguments over stupid stuff, but what he ended up saying was quite serious, he used to say I swear on G-d, if our nikkah didnt have happened, I would have left you a long time ago. Said this at least four times. I hid his mistakes, his bad talks from my parents. So about 4 months ago I lost feelings for him due to the fact he kept on saying this to me, and he started to talk to other girls simply for “timepass”. My feelings decreased for him, and I started to develop feelings for a friend. This guy now that I got to know him is the person that I wanted my whole life. He likes my modesty, prays, pushes me to do the right thing. I dont know if he likes me or not but I am head over heels for him. I started to develop feelings for another man while being married, I know that is wrong, but I cannot control my feelings as much as I tried already. With all being said, my husband has came to the states now, and reacts very very wierdly with me, we get into fights, because he wont let his ego go. I kept this from my parents, but my dad has approached me 3 days ago and said whats going on with you guys. We see that he is not cooperating with you etc. Then I told my parents everything, the stuff he had said to me, the stuff that he said 2 days after coming to my house, all the mean stuff. Now they want to know what I want. They said they will handle the matter. I know that what I did was wrong, like someone else while being married and I dont want people telling me that here, cause I know-but I want to know what is the way out What should I do? I am really losing it, and don’t know what to do. He is my khala’s son, and I have to look at the family name, but I am really unhappy with my husband and I do not think that I can get my feelings back for him.
Your husband talks/flirts with others girls for "timepass". You also allowed yourself to emotionally get attached to another man. I'm not sure what you want anyone here to say.
You only have 2 choices:
1) Continue this marriage to save your "family name". But understand that your husband will NOT change. So your own behavior aside, make sure you're ok with having a husband who will continue to cheat on you for the rest of your life. Do NOT have any expectations that he will change. But then again, since you yourself are incapable of being faithful to your husband.....I'm not sure you have any right to expect him to be faithful to you.
2) Divorce him and marry someone who makes you happy.
You're the one who'll have to live with your decision for the rest of your life.....so only you can choose.
CM I asked people for advice, if you don't have anything good to say so please stay out of it. My last hope was getting advice from people that don't know me, and wanted to see others perspective. And since when is developing feelings for another called cheating, yeah I have a guilty conscious bcs simply that is not the norm but that is not considered cheating.
Marriage is serious business. Looks like both of you were not seriously prepared mentally for the commitment. Pray to Allah that he help you in this situation.
My last hope was getting advice from people that don't know me, and wanted to see others perspective. And since when is developing feelings for another called cheating, yeah I have a guilty conscious bcs simply that is not the norm but that is not considered cheating.
Firstly, as someone who doesn't know you at all......I gave you my perspective on your situation. And yet now you're defensive b/c you don't like my perspective. When you ask others for advice, be prepared to hear things that you won't like or agree with. :)
Secondly, you can call it whatever you want. "developing feelings"..."cheating"....whatever. But in order to have a successfull, happy marriage.....BOTH husband and wife need to remain faithful to each other physically** AND **emotionally. It's a package deal. And right now in your marriage, neither one of you are emotionally faithful to the other one.
Don't get side tracked by silly terms. Whether you consider what you cheating or not.....the 2 options I listed still remain the same.
what do you want to do? ask yourself, don't explain to us.
Do you want to try and save your marriage? Are you willing to see a counsellor for this? If your husband isn't willing to go, are you still willing to go on your own? You can benefit from it too even if he is not interested in going with you.
I wouldn't call you a cheating wife, because all you ever did was develop feelings for another man. And for all we know, that could have been unexpected, and beyond your control. As long as you never *acted *upon those cheating tendencies, you are not yourself a cheater.
It's very clear that you are quite detached from your husband. And similarly, he does not value you as you deserve, and neither does he show great fondness for you (by repeatedly making the comments that he has). You should get a divorce from him, plain and simple. Because the fact that he flirts with other girls for "timepass" and liked a girl while he went through a nikkah with you is reasons enough to infer he is not such a faithful guy.
Don't act on your feelings for the guy you like at all until the divorce has happened. After that, you are free to be with whoever you'd like.
Good luck. This is not easy, but you should go through with what your heart desires. At the end of the day, even your family is recognizing your husband's inappropriate behaviour so I am sure you will get the support you need. And as for your cousin, I'm sure he will eventually be able to get on with his life.
Another word of advice that I would have for you would be to pray excessively and seek for your soul to be at peace. This can be done by looking up to God and hoping he makes everything in your life wonderful again. Insha'Allah He will. Best of luck. :)
^ This is what I would do if I were you, but this is YOUR life, so do what you think is best.
Do try and make it work out for you and your husband. Make things work - talk it out, communicate, compromise? If not then move on. no point two people being unhappy?
dont know what to say, I will not suggest you take strong action. you both are wrong and two wrongs can not make one right. you can ask Allah to enlighten your mind and your husband's mind. sit with your husband and politely ask to resolve all issue. again, your love, affection and sincerity could change this game in your favor. my two cents.
Excuse me but how is the husband unfaithful here? Do you have any evidence he had physical relationship with other girls? While he talked to other girls for 'timepass', you talked with a guy and developed feelings for him. Based on this alone, you are more unfaithful than him. And yes, If I knew your husband, I would have adviced HIM to immediately divorce you.
Three people are involved in this bollywood chakar?
Your Kareen kapoor, obviously..and by the sounds of it, im going with Bobby deol as an internet relationship only guy and Akshay kumar being the guy you have developed feelings for!!!
Seriously though Kareena, end the marriage you are wasting your time as you have no feelings for your hubby. Whats the point in wasting an already short lifetime?
Probably shouldnt have ended that with "mahesh Bhatt" but the point still stands!
But it does sound like the guy was being a douche in this case first...
Anyway follow your heart. If youve already decided that your not going to be happy with the guy..and by falling for another guy you have probably cemented that.
Its good that your family are supportive of you. That is rare!