Ess Emm calm down please, will you? no one is fighting over here. No we dont want to dig the details. we are only saying things that will help the OP in supporting her friend. Thats all mate. If you notice some people havnt even passed a judgement they have more or less asked questions from the OP regards the girl and her husband in order to relay their thought process of how this should be taken forward. But when people tell them straight forward to divorce , that is then classed as judgmental.
What questions would you like me to answer I can only say what my friend has told me. She was abused as a child and has only told me and now I need general advise on how to support her as she isn't ready to speak openly to anyone else.
There is a lot of good advice in this forum, but also a lot of 'noise'. We are all guilty of generating that 'noise' at one point or another. Ignore it, and take the advice.
Back to the point. You should let her know that she can count on you for moral support and if you can afford it, financial support. It does sound like an unhealthy marriage. Must not have been easy. What finally tipped it for her?
There is a lot of good advice in this forum, but also a lot of 'noise'. We are all guilty of generating that 'noise' at one point or another. Ignore it, and take the advice.
Back to the point. You should let her know that she can count on you for moral support and if you can afford it, financial support. It does sound like an unhealthy marriage. Must not have been easy.** What finally tipped it for her**?
an important point . coz this will let you know of her thought process and also shows a positive indication that she is now ready to do something about this issue.
World of difference actually... They were the heartless onlookers, I was sharing my (although impratical/idealistic) first reaction. I'm not an expert on the matter and cannot offer but moral support!!
Besides I'm talking of punishment to an immoral and indecent act. But they were standing by while the family killed her own daughter for something permitted by the religion and morality...
I don't even know why did I have to explain myself there...
In order for someone to give the appropriate advice and advise the OP's friend on the best course of action, many things must be taken into account. There are loads of factors and details that must be considered, some of a very private nature, and it is unlikely that the OP is privy to these or that she would want to post these on a public forum. A psychologist/counselor/mental health professional would be the best person to give advice.
It is not as simple as "oh, she should leave the scumbag" or "she should pray to be able to accept the situation." There are many decisions to be made in this case, not just whether or not the OP's friend should leave her husband. There are also children involved.
what a strange union...she married someone who sexually assaulted her and whom she obviously hated for his acts...she should have said NO at that time...now, she refuses to leave him and also doesn't wanna leave him...if she wants to stay, let her stay...may be they deserve each other...she doesn't need an advice.
Relax the judgement, dude. Please exercise your understanding of how these decisions can be for many, many women... and please exercise some empathy for the woman who has had to put up with that.
I wish she hadn't married the guy but there had to be pressures that she had to deal with.
I think not many of us, if hardly any has experience in offering support in such cases, may be you should try some professional.
As someone who routinely supports victims of sexual violence, and so get people in personal life open up about incidents in their lives, please keep in mind, it is way common in the desi society than we know. Both young boys and girls - and I am not even talking about rape.
What questions would you like me to answer I can only say what my friend has told me. She was abused as a child and has only told me and now I need general advise on how to support her as she isn't ready to speak openly to anyone else.
See if you can find her a counsellor/therapist.
I am glad you believe that it happened and you're there with her for support. That is often first and biggest fear people have that others just won't believe them.
Support her in letting her know that her feelings; whatever they may be - make sense given the situation
It's an old incident at this point and she likely has a lot of resentment more than other emotions. Let her express it. Try not to rationalize her feelings by saying things like "you shouldn't feel this way because he's a good husband or xyz"
Let her figure out how she wants to handle her relationship with him, by really truly understanding her feelings, not judging them at all, and letting her know that you understand. Be honest. If you don't understand something, let her know, without questioning her feelings. If you don't "get" it, maybe she needs to think about her feelings some more to make better sense.
Don't tell her what to do... let her come up with her decisions. Let her evaluate all possible routes, just make sure she's using good judgment when thinking about her decision - i.e. not only being concerned about the child or her future. Those are real considerations on their own, not just objections to the idea of leaving.
And see if she's willing to get professional help to help deal with this.
As someone who routinely supports victims of sexual violence, and so get people in personal life open up about incidents in their lives, please keep in mind, it is way common in the desi society than we know. Both young boys and girls - and I am not even talking about rape.
Protect your children please.
Do you know the meaning of "maroon ghutna, photey aankh"