Right, so we live in the uk now. husband came direct to Manchester and I moved there , working from home.
I have to go London for 5 weeks to report to my office and he has been granted 2 weeks holidays and 3 weeks WFH.
It the first time he is going to London properly so we are considering this like a mega holiday.
We plan to stay at my parents and my siblings are all excited to have him over. Everyone made plans for the weekends already. My husband is my cousin so my dad is his father’s brother.
Now the issue is, my husband aunt (mum sister) also lives in London. My husband mentioned that he will stay at hers few nights and I should join for one night at least. His aunt made plan for the weekends and he is excited for it as he always got along with his aunt and her husband. Their outings will also be on the weekends and I feel my parents and sibling will be disappointed if we do outings with them during the weekend.
My father does not talk to his aunt because of some previous issues where she has been disrespectful.LLets say his aunt is adorable with her own family and very mean with people outside her family. She treats me in a very confusing way, as in she will be nice in front of my husband and mother in law but not otherwise.
So my question is, should i just follow my husband wherever he feels happy or should i expect him to be with my parents and stick to my siblings planning. We are all cousins and always anticipated his visit to London.
My husband isnt the type to force me to join him but he told me he would be happier if I joined him .
What should I do? Forget that my family don’t like his aunt ( i particularly dont like her either) and just accompany them , or tell my husband he should keep his weekends for my family?
EDIT/ as many misunderstood me..let me lcarify that the issue is 4 weekends vs 4 weekend..and my sibling can only meet on the weekends & the aunt booked us for places already
It's meant to be a stress free holiday and let it be just that.. Stress free. Your husband's plan of action is very reasonable. You just divide your days according to your comfort, spend one night with the aunt. And the whole weekend can't be solely devoted to one activity. The aunt will need a break herself so you could plan in advance what you guys want to do.
It is just a weekend. Spend it with the aunt. And don't speak ill of her to your husband he must be aware of the family dynamics so let it be. Enjoy yourself
You are going to London for FIVE weeks! It unreasonable and selfish for your family to expect that your husband will/should spend every weekend of those FIVE weeks with them even after knowing that he has other family in the city he is close with. You should support your husband in this situation b/c your husband is not being unreasonable.
And yes, forget that your family doesn't like her. If they really cared, then they should not have married you to a guy who actually does like this aunt and wants to continue having a relationship with her. Now that its been done, you need to support your husband. If the aunt actually does something to YOU directly that warrants you cutting off contact with her....then that should be discussed with your husband. But refusing to see the aunt and preventing your husband from doing so b/c your parents don't like her is childish.
^ Just for the info, it isnt my parents or sibling who inist on him staying with them. I was just bit disappointed for them as I knew of all the planning they had done for us. And since all my sibling work, they all planned for the 4 weekends. so let's not brand them selfish,should we.
But thanks for the advices guys. I will tag along with him and enjoy as much as possible.
For heaven sake he is asking for few nights and for you only 1 night out of what? at least 35 nights? I do not even see issue here, even by Life1's standards. You do care about planning and efforts that your siblings have put in to plan the vacation (as you should) but also be considerate of your husband's planning and his wishes. Giving 4-5 days out of 5 weeks to his plan is not a big deal. You should have alerted your siblings that your husband might wana see this Aunt and they should keep at least 1 weekend free.
Also, kids should stay out of elder's fights/grudges. Its b/w your father and this aunt, let them deal with it.
Just enjoy your vacation with your very reasonable husband. and don't get involve into family politics. Diamonds and Family politics are forever.
^ Just for the info, it isnt my parents or sibling who inist on him staying with them. I was just bit disappointed for them as I knew of all the planning they had done for us. And since all my sibling work, they all planned for the 4 weekends. so let's not brand them selfish,should we.
But thanks for the advices guys. I will tag along with him and enjoy as much as possible.
1) Everyone (you, your siblings, and your parents) knew that this particular aunt also lives in London.
2) You (and I assume maybe your family too?) knew that your husband has a very positive relationship with this aunt which leads to a STRONG possibility that he may want to visit with her during this trip.
2) If a FIVE week trip. Before your siblings went ahead and make plans for all 4 weekends with the expectation that you AND your husband will follow their plans....they should have confirmed with you (and you with your husband) that it would be ok.
Anyway.....good luck and have fun on your trip! Remember.....you don't have to like this aunt. Just treat her with respect and don't make your husband feel like he has to choose a side. :)
to not be able to spare a FEW days/ONE night for his aunt when you are going to be there for 5 weeks.. and spend the rest with yours.. is very inconsiderate and selfish.
what if you were spending those 5 weeks with his family and asked for a few days with your family too, and your husband got upset? how would that make you feel?
and like another member mentioned, if the aunt was that big of a problem, they wouldn't have approved your marriage with your husband
if they live close by.. why dont you split up the time between both sides? spend 2 weekends with the aunt, spend the other 2 weekends with your family. that way it is even
^ In all fairness, why not split the 4 weekends - two weekends with your family and siblings and two weekends with your aunt and her family. As for the rest of the time, if everyone lives close enough, then he can spend a few weeknights over at your aunt's place (up to you, whether you join him) and your siblings can plan some activities for the some of the weeknights he's at your parents place.
It'll take managing schedules - but it's not an insurmountable obstacle.
1) Everyone (you, your siblings, and your parents) knew that this particular aunt also lives in London.
2) You (and I assume maybe your family too?) knew that your husband has a very positive relationship with this aunt which leads to a STRONG possibility that he may want to visit with her during this trip.
2) If a FIVE week trip. Before your siblings went ahead and make plans for all 4 weekends with the expectation that you AND your husband will follow their plans....they should have confirmed with you (and you with your husband) that it would be ok.
Anyway.....good luck and have fun on your trip! Remember.....you don't have to like this aunt. Just treat her with respect and don't make your husband feel like he has to choose a side. :)
unfortunatly in this case, it is his aunt and uncle who have booked us for places already without asking us. Where as I know about my sibling plans from phone convo. Since they made the bookings, my husband cannot refuse.
^ In all fairness, why not split the 4 weekends - two weekends with your family and siblings and two weekends with your aunt and her family. As for the rest of the time, if everyone lives close enough, then he can spend a few weeknights over at your aunt's place (up to you, whether you join him) and your siblings can plan some activities for the some of the weeknights he's at your parents place.
It'll take managing schedules - but it's not an insurmountable obstacle.
unfortunatly in this case, it is his aunt and uncle who have booked us for places already without asking us. Where as I know about my sibling plans from phone convo. Since they made the bookings, my husband cannot refuse.
Um, yes you can and yes he can. Let's say instead of your parents and your siblings it was another aunt, someone from his mom's side or another relative who wanted to make plans with him. He wouldn't be able to tell the aunt that he has other commitments or other rishtey-daar who have a right to his time?
It's all about stepping up. Politely declining an invitation isn't rude nor is it impossible, it just takes tact.
i do not think i am being childlish as we are either going to spend 4 weeknds weekends with his aunt or with mine.
thus my worry of upsetting my sibbling who are not kids but 27+
And I am talking about spilling the weekends between your family and the aunt. It's selfish and childish for ANYONE in this situation to expect to spend all 4 weekends with you guys (whether its your family or the aunt).
A bit of common sense and maturity will go a long way here. Yes, your husband can refuse to spend all 4 weekends with his aunt and you can refuse to spend all 4 weekends with your family. Talk to him ASAP and let him know that the ONLY fair solution to this dilemma is to split the weekends.
