I need some advice for my best friend, a Muslim, of 20 years.
Last night she popped round as she lives quite local and has told me she’s been seeing a man behind her estranged husbands back. they are not yet divorced, have been apart for nearly two years and they have 2 daughters at primary school.
She left her husband I think due to domestic violence and she lived in a refuge for about a year before she was rehoused.
She’s now met and fallen in love with another Muslim and he seems to have taken her as she is, kids and all. I didn’t know this cos she didn’t tell me but it’s been going on since last September.
Now she has made me promise not to tell a soul but I think she is making a big mistake in carrying on with this relationship as she is not even divorced yet and has 2 daughters to consider. Both our mums are very good mates and I just feel like a hypocrite when we have these social gatherings and knowing what I do now, I will just feel really uneasy.
I want to stay out of this as I have my own problems but I love her like a sister and don’t want her to get hurt or have her ostracised by our community if they find out. She’s been very careless as she’s even had him round to her house while the kids were at school and I just think this is very irresponsible although she denies they slept together.
Apart from telling her to behave herself and pull herself together, what can I do? I won’t just dump her but do you think she’s rushing into something she should not be?
Bottom line is, she could get hurt and her husband could find out and her name will be ruined. Our community rallied round her when she was being abused but this could really stuff things up for her big time.
I think so pinky. When she says apart, Im not sure if she is legally separated or just separated cos she left him cos of the abuse. they're just not divorced yet. Legally separated actually means a judicial separation which would be the next step to a divorce I think.
Why not yet divorced ? She must take divorce and live with that man.
IMO that man must be playing game with her and will never marry her as he also knows that she can't marry with him.
Just for a check ask ur friend to tell that man that she has been divorced and wanna marry with him.
This guy knows all about her and she seems to think he is genuine about her and he has no ulterior motive at all. Im gonna have to really grill her on this cos it may seem like he doesn't want to marry. Maybe he just wants a fling, I don't know. I think the reason why she is stalling her divorce is because she cannot get financial assistance to pay for her divorce. In the UK in some cases they will pay all your legal fees.
Ask your friend to tell the man that she has started the divorce process and she will be getting it soon and then they should marry immediately. Your friend should ask the man to introduce her to his family/ friends as the prospective wife. The guy's reactions will let your friend know his true motives and intentions.
This guy knows all about her and she seems to think he is genuine about her and he has no ulterior motive at all. Im gonna have to really grill her on this cos it may seem like he doesn't want to marry. Maybe he just wants a fling, I don't know. I think the reason why she is stalling her divorce is because she cannot get financial assistance to pay for her divorce. In the UK in some cases they will pay all your legal fees.
Haha! If he is so genuine, why doesn't he invest in her?
She can always walk into the Citizens Advice Bureau and ask them for ways she can file for a divorce seeing as she has plenty enough people who will side with her version of events. They will most definitely help her out with brilliant advice. They are there for a reason.
Why doesn't she just get a divorce instead of confiding in you? She's an adult, she can make up her own mind whether she wants to be with this new person or not. You can't tell her to stop. However, to legitimize her relationship, you can advice and help her to get a divorce from her abusive husband with whom she doesn't even live. The girls will be fine, if as long as they can get the fatherly love from your friend's new husband.
Because as far as she is concerned, getting a divorce just so she can start a new life with her boyfriend may be seen as many, as a deliberate slap in the face to her ex. She has 4 brothers, 2 who are married and she is just panicking that the whole family will get a bad reputation and have their name dragged through the mud and become *badnaam. *
She has her daughter's marriages to consider when the time comes and she also has two nieces who again can be affected by whatever action she takes in her future with this man. I guess she is looking long term is trying to save her family from having the 'proverbial hitting the fan' rather than taking her chance at happiness and stuff the lot of them.
She's been through a very bad time and she does deserve some happiness but she's stuck between preserving her honour and that of her daughters and her family. Im seeing her tomorrow for lunch and I will pass on the comments about a divorce.
She is an idiot if she is not divorced and going off with other guys. At least do it properly. Don't bring the whole "he is muslim...." he isnt exactly doing the most Islamic thing.
Because as far as she is concerned, getting a divorce just so she can start a new life with her boyfriend may be seen as many, as a deliberate slap in the face to her ex.
and why not give this slap to the ex abusive husband??
She has 4 brothers, 2 who are married and she is just panicking that the whole family will get a bad reputation and have their name dragged through the mud and become *badnaam. *
.
this will badnaam the family and seeing another man while still having a husband will not do that?? wow
To be fair, he is the first guy that she has taken to, her marriage was more or less forced on her and she has had a miserable ten years with this husband of hers.
To be fair, he is the first guy that she has taken to, her marriage was more or less forced on her and she has had a miserable ten years with this husband of hers.
Sorry, but that doesn't make it right for her. I understand you're defending her as she is your friend. End of the day one has to comply with religion. If she doesnt care about religion then its another story all together.
I need some advice for my best friend, a Muslim, of 20 years.
Last night she popped round as she lives quite local and has told me she's been seeing a man behind her estranged husbands back. they are not yet divorced, have been apart for nearly two years and they have 2 daughters at primary school.
She left her husband I think due to domestic violence and she lived in a refuge for about a year before she was rehoused.
She's now met and fallen in love with another Muslim and he seems to have taken her as she is, kids and all. I didn't know this cos she didn't tell me but it's been going on since last September.
Now she has made me promise not to tell a soul but I think she is making a big mistake in carrying on with this relationship as she is not even divorced yet and has 2 daughters to consider. Both our mums are very good mates and I just feel like a hypocrite when we have these social gatherings and knowing what I do now, I will just feel really uneasy.
I want to stay out of this as I have my own problems but I love her like a sister and don't want her to get hurt or have her ostracised by our community if they find out. She's been very careless as she's even had him round to her house while the kids were at school and I just think this is very irresponsible although she denies they slept together.
Apart from telling her to behave herself and pull herself together, what can I do?
Sorry, but that doesn't make it right for her. I understand you're defending her as she is your friend. End of the day one has to comply with religion. If she doesnt care about religion then its another story all together.
That's what makes it hard for her. She is really trying to do things by the book and people may think she is being a hypocrite etc but she is a stickler for namaz etc but this has really torn her apart.
She has 4 brothers, 2 who are married and she is just panicking that the whole family will get a bad reputation and have their name dragged through the mud and become badnaam.
er lol
and what were the 4 brothers doing for her when she lived for a year in a battered women's refuge? is she meant to live her life as a separated nun?