If you go into marriage expecting the other person will change, you will most likely be disappointed. People change in small ways, but the big things usually don't change. If someone is not religious or not tidy before marriage, they probably won't be afterwards.
My dh and I argue most often about laundry and the kids toys and activities. The dh thought the house was a lot more tidy pre-kids. There will be things to be worked out, like who handles the finances, if the wife gets an allowance, and how much, and it would be great if you guys are comfortable enough to discuss those things calmly ahead of time. Just be polite and say, I would like to do "x" this way, what do you think?
BTW - whoever sleeps on the side of the bed closest to the door will be the one to get up with the kids the most often :)
Good luck to all of you - may Allah bless your marriages.
Minah_pa u r so polite and mellow. I can tell from ur post tht u r very knowledgeable, yet down to earth and very soft spoken. … i dont compliment ppl very often, but when i do, it’s usually very honest n genuine.
Thank you very much Restless, that was so nice of you to say, it made my day.
I have to copy this and give it to my husband. He will never believe there are people in this world who call me mellow. If I tell him, he’ll think I am making it up
TNW and Aishaa: you aint married yet so yur opinion against it doesnt count! :p
Azad: Sochnay wali baat hai to soch kar batein.
Minah baji: THank you so much for the kind words and duas. YOu are perhaps the only one who hasnt scared me away from the word shadi :D He is extremely organized so it might be the other way around with us. Him telling me to put things at thier right places :D Abt the snuggling part, dont know, too early to tell. Def dont want to have any expectations.
Amana: I have been warned abt changing your spouse plenty of tmes to expect that But MaashaAllah i wouldnt want to change anything about him. He is superb the way he is, Allah ka shukar hai. But thank you for the kind advice. Esp the part about wohever sleeps nearest to the door
Minah Baji: I was thinking exactly the same thing restless has said above. Both you and Afia baji are like my ideals in that sense. Iw ish i could be so calm in every situation
My only advice: don't take advice about marriage! Every couple, every individual is different. Revel in your unique marriage and enjoy each other. It's the best, most fulfilling relationship you will ever have with anyone.
Sarah: thank you for advice. It does make sense. At the same time i want to know what are the things taht i should be prepared for etc etc.
I was going through journals of some married guppans here and it struck me that I hadnt given much thought about leaving my family and settling in a totally different city :( I mean i had thought abt it but didnt give too much dhayant o it since its depressing me already. Any tips on how to prepare myself for that anyone?
[quote=“minah_pa”]
People change over time, but not drastically. There are some adjustments. You argue politely the first two years over space in the closet and what spot the toothbrush goes in and how loud the TV is. In the third year, it is “how many times have I asked you to/not to _____.”
So Minah, to summarise
you have to wait TWO/THREE WHOLE YEARS before you can nag him… erm I mean… Offer constructive critisism.
Gosh i love this thread.. it should be a sticky.. hehe
I actually like Sarah's advice.. a few people have told me not to listen to anyone else's advice, but u honestly cant help yourself sometimes. The excitment, anxiousness, confusion, fear.. everything gets the better of u.. and u just wanna grab the closest married person to u, shake them around and go "tell me im not crazy!! what should i be concerned about?! what are the booby traps! am i really in that much love i cant see any faults.. aaagh!"
and then u calm down and tell yourself... just go with the flow :)
congrats to everyone who's about to get married/ or got married recently!!
so did anyone turn into the typical paki girl after you got married? staying home, cooking dinner, ironing his clothes ?? did you keep your job if you had one??
i guess it depends on the kind of guy you marry. some may expect their wives to be the "typical" housewife but i find guys these days are more understandable and cooperative.
now dats a very interesting thought…ive always thought if they wernt religious but the girl was…may be they will change or as they get older they will turn more religious with time…guess i was wrong…mum said the same thing…if there not religious, more chance of them not being at all even after marraige…interesting thought…
As Sarah correctly points out marriage is a very unique experience. It can only be...every couple in the world is of differing mind and make up so how can our experiences be the same ? And course every marriage is subject to different circumstances so i can pretty much guarantee that every single married girl will give you a different take on what to expect and what to lookout for etc. So all the advice you gather...really ends up being useless. We can only go so far as to tell you what we learnt but reality is you'll have to relearn. If i were you i'd look at it this way. You love your husband to be, his family seems genuinely nice, you are very content and happy with the way things are looking...the fact that you are setting out on a positive note is a big plus so don't start thinking negative. Kuch nahin hoga tumhay, you will be just fine...we are with every step of the way :)
And missing your family is entirely natural. You've experienced homesickness before so it's pretty much the same feeling...but this time you'll be working towards building something new so that'll help oodles. In time it does get better. Myself, i miss my family and England so badly only because of all the freedoms i have over there LOL I am pretty certain that if i weren't as stifled as i have been i would have been justttttttt fine.
larki: why did you edit your first post? It sounded just fine and hopeful. My fiancee says the same thing that he is so used to doing his own things (cleaning, laundary etc) that doesnt want me doing all that for him. Ofcourse things could change after we are married, but i highly doubt it. He is much more organized than i am :)
Aashi: I belive in, treating others how you want them to be treated. I wouldnt want him to change me after we got married so i dont expect the same from him either. THe religious part, i tend to pray regularly Alhamdulillah and he doesnt. I have not said anything to him abt it. But occassioanlly he tells me he prayed. So thats a start isnt it? :)
DD: Thank you so much for your kind and comforting words. Yes it does make sense and the good part for me is that even though i wont have my family around but his will be, abt half an hour away. Plus just the fact that he realizeshow much i will miss my family, means a lot to me. Duaoun main yaad rakhna.
people dont really change after getting married but expectations rise… a man no longer looks at his wife as a “mehbooba” only but as a wife who does everything 2 make him happy which includes taking care of him, giving him time, attention and being nice to everyone whos around.
… i dont compliment ppl very often, but when i do, it’s usually very honest n genuine. 
Thank you very much Restless, that was so nice of you to say, it made my day.
But MaashaAllah i wouldnt want to change anything about him. He is superb the way he is, Allah ka shukar hai. But thank you for the kind advice. Esp the part about wohever sleeps nearest to the door 
