It is too long . Please do not proceed if you do not like long posts .
I give my kids maximum possible liberties.
I make sure that they know what is wrong and what is right.
I let them make their own decisions.
I let them do most of the things they are expected to do at their age, like going to bed late over the weekends , waking up late in mornings, sleep overs .
Let them eat whatever they want to , whenever they want to . Do not force them to do house hold chores , just ask them and make sure the are doing it voluntarily not by force
This is a dream life for a teenager.I make sure that they have everything a teenager has to have to look cool in front of their friends.
So there is no reason for them to go rebellious or break the trust. But he did .
So this is what I have done:
Netnanny on computers , previously I was letting him use my userid and password.
No car for him , he needs to go to school by bus and ride the bus back home.
Supervised socialization with friends only for one day over the weekends.
Cell phone can be used only when he uses it in the family room.
No monetary allowance , I will buy every thing and anything he needs.
All this in place till he improves his grades and rebuilds that trust we had in him. There is no time limit for these sanctions on him.
He agreed to it all because I told him he has two choices:
I take him to the court and put all the proofs in front of a judge and tell the judge this guy does not want to live a family life , he does not want to follow the rules and I do not want to be arrested for child abandonment by kicking him out so he needs to be put in a foster home.
Or if he still wants to live with us in this family and enjoy a good family life , he need to follow thru on each and every word of mine and live happily ever after.
He opted for the second. He is only 16 years old , what choice does he has ?
So my question anything wrong with this picture ? Any more tips and tricks ?
teenagers will rebel, regardless of the lifestyle you created for them. it’s part if them defining their own identity as separate from yours. but i think you handled it okay.
my only caution is that temporary cell phones can be purchased cheap and secretly given to him. the only person likely to be so desperate to speak to him is a girlfriend, so just keep it in mind.
so at this stage, when a teenage kid is likely to rebel despite grounding, restrictions etc…what should be done?
let go knowing they would grow out of this? Also if a kid shares all his wrongdoings and the parents appear to be ‘understanding’, would they be actually realising their mistakes or they would think now that parents know, everything is in the pretext of being right ?
Sounds like a good idea. Can you provide some details what kind of mentor are you talking about ?
I have not taken his cellphone away , want to make sure he does not spend too much time on phone , on the net, watching TV, socializing etc. Nothing is banned for him , he is not grounded either. He needs to cut down on all these activities His top priority should be his studies then everything else.
It is not about a girl friend. I have told him I have no objection over him having girls as friends , but a girlfriend is not allowed and he understands the difference.
His female friends are allowed to visit him at our home . The kids he hangs around are all good kids.
I was following through with him on his homework , he has been telling me he is on top of it and has everything under control. I would even check it to make sure that he has done it all.
But he has been hiding some homework which would require him to put more time into it and cut down his extra curricular activities . He opted to socialize and did not do his homework. I found that out when I saw his progress report. Which he tried to hide.
Looks like you did not read the whole post and I do not blame you since it is a long post. Thanks for participating.
That’s why I suggested for a mentor (may be someone like Monk, seriously). There’s a point in a boy’s life where he doesn’t wanna listen to his parents.
I’d suggest try treating him with bit more respect, tell him you believe in him. I think the boy needs bit of appreciation to fight the negativity.
His mother is too sick to deal with him. And it is not a very big deal as to what he did. I just wanted him to realize that he needs to follow the family rules , if he wants to be part of the family.
Anyone who’s not as old as his father or as young as himself. If he does sports then may be his coach, his tutor. Or someone from your own community who’s trustworthy, friendly and religious and is good at communicating with teens.
I would have suggested also to let kid be in touch with grand parents, but wasn’t sure if he has them,(for give me mirch If i am wrong)
let him feel the gentler love, worst thing is mirch trying to be confronting kids raging hormones.
PlayStation: I am busy mentioning my nephews and nieces
Mirch: I can understand to you and your son. I think you should let him go but convey your concern in wise manner so he could not feel bad.
I dont mean sanction. he is living in modern society, knew more than you, and saw much more in high school. It might be possible that he did not recognize his own action.
I believe that you were not expecting distrust, but this is time to embrace him and give confidence and treat him like friend.
…but, that was another time and another place! 
