Adoption

Promiscuous_Paki · February 5, 2007, 4:32pm

^
الحمد لله that’s sweet.

God bless you, there’s so many Muslim orphans in the world which need a Muslim home, otherwise those kids go into non-Muslim homes and loose their religion, as much as I appreciate and respect the non-Muslims who are kind and loving enough to adopt Muslim kids yet they don’t understand the importance of our faith and values.

I was about 8 yrs old when I watched a documentory about an Afghan boy and his two sisters who got adopted by an Englishman living in America. In an effort to westernise them he took them to nudist/topless beaches (in France I think), the boy wasdisgusted and wanted to leave but the adoptive “father” encourages the girls to strip off for a paddle in the water but their brother being a gheratmand Afghan keeps telling them not to do so but their “father” says you have no right to tell them what to do, they’re free to do as they please (or rather do as their adoptive “fathers’” lusts dictate), man I felt sickkkk, that program haunts me to this day, I swear by Allaah if that was my family I would rather we died in the soviet bombings togther with our parents than that sort of a lifestyle, it made my blood boil and I felt so sorry for that guy, I myself am promiscuous anyway so I’d probably not mind so much for myself but if you’ve got sisters then you want to protect them from that sort of a lifestyle and people.

If Muslims have any honour left they should adopt Muslim kids around the world.

Mr_Fraudia · February 5, 2007, 4:44pm

Re: - Is sperm donation right or wrong?

promiscuous paki, its a whole diff topic and I have had debates and have been on both sides of teh argument. I just dont know...if we dont adopt, or support the orphans, and yet we dont allow non muslims to adopt, we are thus sentencing them to a hard tough gloomy life, just because we can not bear to be responsibe for them losing their faith? Our faith is so important to us that we dont want the kids to lose it, yet its not important enuff for us to follow it and provide support to them?

this can be discussed in a diff thread though

Promiscuous_Paki · February 5, 2007, 4:53pm

Re: - Is sperm donation right or wrong?

That's what I’m saying, Muslims are to be blamed for not fulfilling their duty by adopting/fostering the children of their fellow Muslims…

Bhai nowhere did I say we should stop Non-Muslims from adopting Muslims kids, if anything their efforts for helping humanity are commendable, it’s not their fault they want to bring these kids up according to their culture and religion (or the lack of it), to them our ways are just pointless rules and regulations but that’s just human nature, if we adopted Christian kids we’d want to raise them as Muslims because we’d believe that’s best for them.

Mr_Fraudia · February 5, 2007, 4:56pm

Re: - Is sperm donation right or wrong?

I am not arguing with u, I am just thinking out loud :)

Sara516 · February 5, 2007, 4:57pm

Re: - Is sperm donation right or wrong?

It's pathetic how fellow Muslims would rather let orphans live as orphans than let them be adopted by non-Muslims..and then some lunatic comes out with the "adoption is haraam" garbage..rather sad
i think most non-Muslims who adopt muslim children, would try to bring them up as Muslims...and evn if they didn't, i'm sure that kid will one day find out about his background and if its truly meant to be, he will come around and research his religion/background.

Man_with_a_Plan · February 5, 2007, 5:01pm

Re: adoption

^ Would you go for adoption, Sara?

Sara516 · February 5, 2007, 5:07pm

Re: Adoption

yeah, why not? dont' see it as the "absolute last resort" that most ppl think adoption is

sweefs · February 5, 2007, 5:08pm

Re: Adoption

i feel sorry for orphans......they have all they lived for taken away frm them and then they have others makin their decision that their PARENTS should have made for them :(

UZ · February 5, 2007, 5:10pm

Re: Adoption

wel i can support them but the only problem i am thinking when the girl or a boy will grow up will it be allowed to live under the same roof as they are mahrams or not?

Mr_Fraudia · February 5, 2007, 5:13pm

Re: Adoption

But see its something that is just not on top of mind for people, we have conveniently brushed the orphan situation under the rug and unless you have an interest you would not even know.

My wife and I always talked about adoption, she had much stringer feelings about it than I did just by seeing the abandoned kids in Pakistan during her visits. I think I was a little desensitized sice I spent more summers in Pakistan and got used to that sight. But until we decided to adopt we did not really do much for oprhanages, just one place which my grandfather supported which I continue to support as best I can.

There is simply not enough awareness, that is one problem
Secondly, our society is jahil at large, ask Mrd Edhi how people would be dying to adopt a newborn but not a one year old abandned kid...wy? because they cant pass it off as their own, and that would mean that ppl would be rude to them, and be bad to the kid. This is our nation folks...This is our Islam.

Lastly, we have not learnt to understand what masoomiat treally means. The questions on the circumstances of birth of a child would haunt him or her forever.

In the end, one does not have to adopt a child and bring the kid into their house and their life. There are other ways to help and to support, but we fall far short of it.

And then we have rules like only muslims can adopt? excuse me.... u have a right to make those laws when you are doing all that you can to provide these kids a shot at life, when you are not, and the kids dont have a future, we as a society have failed, and we might as well let people from other societies who can take care of them take them.

I know...religion and faith is one of the most important things someone has, but you know, ist easy for us to say sitting in our comfortable homes, but ask a kid who is shivering under a ratty old thin blanket in the winter in a damp dingy room in some oprhanage, and his views may be different...remember maslow's hierarchy.

Mr_Fraudia · February 5, 2007, 5:15pm

Re: Adoption

That is a ridiculous statement UZ. intentions are one big thing, and I doubt that someone adopts a kid and says …oh she looks fine, or he looks fine and starts fantasizing about them.

and on the topic of na mehram under the same roof. It interesting how this comes up when adoption is being discussed, especially by conservative folks, but the same consrvative folks are all okay with joint family systems, whuch by definition means na mehrams living under the same roof.

Mr_Fraudia · February 5, 2007, 5:18pm

Re: Adoption

true indeed, we had to change our plan though, our plan was to have biological kids and as they are older ..i.e. highschool age, then to adopt children. Now we have adopted, and maybe one day when we have the mental and emotional strength to try again, we would, but not in the near future.

I know of people who adopted after their kids were school age. One of the lady we know was helping someone else in an adoption process for a lil boy, the adopters..backed off at the 11th hour, and she just did not want to put him back in the orphanage so she adopted him herself.

UZ · February 5, 2007, 5:20pm

Re: Adoption

well i just said it but i didn't say ke i am doing that ,actually i was disscussing adoption with someone and she told me how can u live with na mahram?and i answered the same but the conservative folks do really care about that.
I have seen families living in one house and not seeing and doing full time hijaab .
and I doubt that someone adopts a kid and says ...oh she looks fine, or he looks fine and starts fantasizing about them.
we don't do this is our culture but american people are like that.

Sara516 · February 5, 2007, 5:20pm

Re: Adoption

seriously, no normal person will raise a baby, change their diapers, stay up wiht em when they’re sick all night and then when they grow up, starts lusting after her :yukh: What is wrong with ppl, its OK to go to school, to have guy friends all around you, to live wiht all your husbands brothers and uncles and whatnot… hypocrites.

Sara516 · February 5, 2007, 5:22pm

Re: Adoption

OH MY GOD what American people do you know who lust after the children they've adotped?!?!?!?!!!

Where do you get these ideas froM????

UZ · February 5, 2007, 5:25pm

Re: Adoption

it happens SARA u can see it. Even not to be afraid in PAk there are some people who rape their own daughters its sad naa and in american culture they also do that not much but there are people.

Sara516 · February 5, 2007, 5:29pm

Re: Adoption

^ You're talking about incest/rape...

that happens in American/Pakistani/every family..but not with adoption...usually when one goes through the adoption process, they go through alot of background checks to make sure there's nothing like that (pedophilic tendencies) that could harm the potential child

UZ · February 5, 2007, 5:33pm

Re: Adoption

oh its o right i agree with u.but i was talking about step mothers or fathers.

Mr_Fraudia · February 5, 2007, 5:34pm

Re: Adoption

UZ, tell the conservative folks that if they want a way out, the they put the adoptve mother on lactaton plans, and then she can breastfeed the adopted kid, and bada bing bada boom.. no na mehram issues.

please lets not get carried away with ‘american people’ are like that. first of all I dont think that they really care about mehram issue which was your initial point.

There is an entire underground ‘adoption’ situation in Morocco where young girls are adopted only to be raised as maids and..toys for their masters. (sorry I would not pollute teh word ‘parents’ by referring to those animals as such). Until edhi stepped in, and even now for kids who dont make it there, they get into a life that you dont want to hear about..whether they are amputated to beg on streets for begging cartels, or raised to serve as tawaifs…these kids have it rough.

as far as what goes on in our own country. please find someone who wors with the group WAR- (women against rap e) in pakistan and find out the stats on stuff that happens. No its not close to eing as bad as it is here, but it is a problem, so if we are going to poitn fingers at ‘americans’ we should realize that same applies to pakistanis..albiet at a lesser level.

now as far as na mehram issues go, I understand that many families do full hijab in their house. But at the same time many people who bring this point up, dont, so the argument for them just falls flat on their face

PS: please dont take my string views on this topic as an attack on you or anyone in this thread, i lash out against our society in general

Mr_Fraudia · February 5, 2007, 5:41pm

Re: Adoption

anyway guys, if I can ask for one thing for you to think about. You dont have to adopt to help a child, you can sponsor a kid, you can serve as a mentor to a kid.

When I talk about this stuff sometimes people say, and more often they think, and I find out later, that I am outspoken about this stuff becuse just I have adopted. That is partially true, I was oblivious before, and my circumstances led me to a decision to adopt. Had I not been in that position maybe I would not have known myself. But now that I have seen all that, I simply can not forget what I saw, what I heard...I can not.

Believe me these kids are in such a precarious position, you know ehen you look at your child, or your baby sibling and you wonder wow, this lil one is so helpless and completely dependent on his/her parents? well... the orphans are just as helpless..except they have no one, they are surviving on charity and altruistic efforts of people.