Adopting a Child - A taboo?

Arts & Culture Culture, Arts, Literature & Linguistics
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Is it a taboo in our part of the world?

In most cases, married people adopt a child after many years of their marriage. In most cases, children are adopted from family (behn bhai ki aulad you know). I don’t know for sure and I might be wrong, but it seems adoption of unknown children (like those who were put in jhoolas outside Edhi center) is still a big no for the couples who want to adopt a child.

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re: Adopting a Child - A taboo?

Hasab Nasab may be an issue.... Bhai or Behan ka bacha are known but outsider like Edhi Center is not.

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re: Adopting a Child - A taboo?

when religiously you can't give your name to child, what does hasab nasab mean when you opt for adopting a children?

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re: Adopting a Child - A taboo?

Adopting kids are not encouraged in islam. That is why.

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re: Adopting a Child - A taboo?

so our society is strictly religious in this regard :D

People do adopt, but they don't adopt / hesitate to adopt. BTW, whats the orders for a child from out-of-wed lock relationship in Islam?

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Re: Adopting a Child - A taboo?

no, but certain things dont develop when not permissible.
Out of wed child still have one parent I think. Or perhaps both.

Before any one get ideas, be mind full, adoption is big in west, its a good act, and its NEEDED badly.
in mslim society, parents dont abandon children.
Also childern with no support system we have many verse about, how important is it to take care of them.
And not giving them respect call for anger froim God.

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Re: Adopting a Child - A taboo?

as i mentioned in another similar thread, Islam does NOT allow 'adoption' as we know it in the western world and some parts of our sub-continent.

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Re: Adopting a Child - A taboo?

Elaborate plz

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Re: Adopting a Child - A taboo?

I think it's both inheritance and Mahram issue. It's mighty awkward if the son is not his mother's Mehram and a father is not his daughter's. If a mother breast feeds a child not her own only then the child if a boy becomes her Mehram and her husband becomes Mehram towards the girl. And they still can't inherit more than 1/3rd or something. I think they can be gifted property in the adopted parents lifetime.

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Re: Adopting a Child - A taboo?

exactly above reasons as given by StrangeOne. inheritence and naa-maHram issues.

however, a Muslim can pay for all the expenses towards any child's living and educational expenses and provide him moral and social support...like we have Foster Parent concept in the west.

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Re: Adopting a Child - A taboo?

what's not taboo in our culture...tell me?

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Re: Adopting a Child - A taboo?

look around and you will find what's NOT taboo.

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Re: Adopting a Child - A taboo?

Interesting. Please elaborate.

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....can that child live with this Muslim while this Muslim is paying for the child's living and educational expense and providing the child moral and social support?

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I will preface this by sharing again that my children are adopted. After my wife and I lost our twins she had medical complications essentially severely limiting our chances of having kids. In evaluating the decision to adopt, we (myself, parents and uncle/aunt) spoke with Mrs Edhi, the imam of Kaaba, several scholars on various topics.

Two separate but interesting questions in this thread.

#1](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) is adoption taboo
#2](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) why?

I think #2](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=2) has completely incorrect and half baked reasons. Inheritance and mehram arguments are used as a reason but those are conditions that have to be managed for, not reasons to not be able to raise a child on your home (regardless of what term is used for that arrangement). The one thing needed is to not claim biological lineage, which was determined by name back then.

So let’s talk about #1](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) first.

It’s taboo but not for all the reasons you hear. It’s taboo because of “log kya kahain gaye”

At edhi centers, there is a waiting list of people looking for a child. Not just a child but a new born and preferable a boy.

So… What is the difference. Why is it that there is a waiting lost for newborns and older kids have no one to take them? It’s because ppl pass the newborns as their biological children? Partially because infertility for men or women is something to be ashamed of in the culture, as if the individual chose that condition. I know my wife was made to feel that way and statements were made to her that had I been there some lady would have walked away with a broken jaw.

Secondly because of how a child known to be an abandoned child will be treated. There is a member on GS who was adopted, she shared that once the word got out that she was an abandoned child adopted by the couple, the broader family, neighbours and even servants in the household treated her poorly.

Just remember..

The societal taboos have zero to do with religion. People are adopting new borns to a level that there is a 6-12 month wait for ppl, but 2 year olds are not wanted anywhere close to that level. Think about it..

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Re: Adopting a Child - A taboo?

Thanks for sharing the details X2.

I opened this thread after reading adoption and related matters in a book. The book also talked about waiting lists at an adoption center. The characters in that story were an overseas Pakistani lady married to a European guy (converted). They had to use their sources in Deputy Commissioner office for early adoption. They were first offered some special children having certain disabilities, but they refused by saying that they won't be able to give proper time required for upbringing such a child, as they both were busy in their fields. Afterwards, they were put on waiting list and that for a girl who was raped and pregnant and somehow due to intervention of her mother, her father left her in the center till delivery (again log kiya kahenge and another dilemma for punishing victims in our societies).

But the lady who wanted to adopt the child changed her mind when she was told that the child will be given to them before the girl (mother) see the child, as it may create complexities. The adopting lady was not comfortable with the idea that she adopts a child whose mother will never have access to to the child, if she ever wants to do so. But finally due to their contacts in DC office, they were given a baby girl (new born) and they left Pakistan, after required formalities.

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Glad I could be of help.

There are unfortunately way too many misconceptions, misinformation and taboos that exist.

Kids of all ages end up in orphanages. In morocco we met a girl whose parents had divorced and then the parent she was with decided to move on with own life and dropped a 7 year old who until that point had a fairly typical childhood, but then saw a divorce and boom she is in an orphanage.

I met other kids whose parents could not afford to take care of them so decided that the kids had a better shot at life living in an orphanage. I met kids whose parents had died but blood relatives were too poor to raise them, so kids lived in orphanage and went to see uncles and aunts for eid.

The idea that this is not an issue in any Muslim country is an uniformed view. But this is not a judgement on anyone, the information is simply not out there and not part of general knowledge.

But there is no religious ruling against raising a child that is not biologically yours in your home. In countries like morocco the kafala is similar to fostering. One would think that with the 'western adoption' not in the way there will be more children who will find homes, but that's not the case. Who gets adopted there? Girls... Walk into an orphanage and see dozens or hundreds of boys and much fewer girls. Why? Because girls are 'adopted' by Moroccan families and then given to their maids to raise to have a child servant and a maid for the next generation ... A concept known as petit Bon. And those are the lucky ones, the less lucky ones are taken and end up in sex trade.

Knowing what I know now, the issue is much closer to my heart than many others because they simply don't know.

Life in orphanages is not great, they vary in how well they are run but abide of all sorts is possible, in the orphanage and outside, because you know,. What standing does an orphan have to go up against some member of society for physical or sexual abuse.

It's a strange cultural mindset and the taboos are based on stuff that clearly is not religion.

USA has a fostering program. Take a step back and honestly ask how well that will work in Pakistan for example. And if the answer states you in. The face, ask why not? The answer to that is much more uncomfortable than as a society we are able to accept. If you want to be even more uncomfortable do some research on orphans due to earth quakes and floods a few years ago, and what happened to them, what is their life. How many are in orphanages and how end up in madrassa a of all sorts, some good and some dodgy ones, bonded labour in farms and factories. Domestic servants... You name it. A functioning fostercare system and a better societal mindset would do wonders for these kids and for society at large for giving them a better shot. But, we don't..it's just not part of broader discussion.

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Re: Adopting a Child - A taboo?


Islamically yes, if parda is observed AND he has no rights to inheritance.

these are the core issues in Islam. Islam protects a the children's rights of inheritance. in our part of the world, you often hear that the parents ne aulaad ko aaKh kar diyaa...this denial of inheritance to your children [because he/she has hurt his parents physically/emotionally/socially] has NO place in Islam and it's illegal.

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Re: Adopting a Child - A taboo?

The comments in this thread reinforce the view that in majority cases, adoption is done for ones own needs rather than accommodating the poor children.

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Re: Adopting a Child - A taboo?

Nevermind