I need some input on this situation. There’s this divorced couple(multi-ethnic) with a 3yo girl who lives with her mother(now single) but visits her dad quite frequently. The guy has recently re-married. The issue is how will the child address her step mother? They decided they’ll let the kid decide and somehow she started calling her ‘mom’.
-Now the biological mom (called mommy/mama by kid)came to know of this and objected to this. She does not want her kid to call the step-mom anything that has the meaning mother to it, in any language.
-The stepmom says that her bonding with the child improved after she started calling her mom and requests that she be allowed to continue calling her mom. She says that this will help her treat the kid equally when they have kids of their own as is not comfortable with the kid calling her by name or baji(the two options given to her).
The dad really wants his kid to continue calling stepmom as mom but also respects the wishes of biological mother, so he is in a fix.
What do you think is the best for the child in this scenario? Are the ladies making a big deal out of this? Any advice for the guy to handle this situation fairly and in favor of the child?
Its obvious that calling her step mom, mom .. is easy on the kid. I know that it must be really hard on the biological mom but inn this particular situation, emotional security of the child should be the most important thing. We cannot snacth her father away from her and when she goes there, if she calls her step-mom something else (aunt or Mrs. (father's last name>) then she will never be able to be at peace in her father's home.
That's hard for the biological mom to accept. But if the kid is feeling comfortable enough calling another lady "mom" then I would say that she needs to look beyong and allow her child to get comfortable.
^Hmm actually the bio-mom thinks that the step-mom intentionally taught the kid., if she did, would that be wrong or still be ok since the child has no issues (she's just 3 anyway)
Think about it, why a step mom takes the unnecessary burden on herself by making someone elses kid call her mom, cause then she has to act like one. Point is, if she made the kid call her mom, I think that only shows that her (step-mom's) intentions are nice and she only wants to make it easy for the kid.
If she was any evil type of step mom, she would've done every thing to make the child feel uncomfortable in her house so she can get rid of the responsibilty.
These are some of the issues people should think about before getting divorced. Anyhow, once it is done, a parent should try to make it easy for their child to adjust. If the stepmom was mean I'm sure the biological mom would have a problem with that as well. Either way, there's no winning :D
If the biological mom is not fine with it, her wish must be respected.
IMO, the step-mom should let it go, and not make a big deal out of it.
A strong bond can still be developed between the child and the step mom , but that depends upon the amount of love and attention the child gets from her, not by what she is addressed as.
If the biological mom is not fine with it, her wish must be respected.
IMO, the step-mom should let it go, and not make a big deal out of it.
A strong bond can still be developed between the child and the step mom , but that depends upon the amount of love and attention the child gets from her, not by what she is addressed as.
What do you suggest the child should call her step mom?
Look , I dont want to sound mean, but she is the step-mom.
If the real mother had passed away, maybe then it would have been fine, or if she did not mind.
The new wife will have her kids too iA, so its not like she will be deprived of being called mom.
The biological mom just has more of a right in my opinion.
s_mk: so will it be ok in this case if the step-mom is not expected to love her as a mom? (that's what the stepmom says, if she can't be called one she shouldn't be expected to be one)
s_mk: so will it be ok in this case if the step-mom is not expected to love her as a mom? (that's what the stepmom says, if she can't be called one she shouldn't be expected to be one)
meh.I just think the step-mom is making a big issue out of it, when she could have gracefully let it go.
But I guess I dont think she will fully realize untill she has kids of her own .
s_mk: so will it be ok in this case if the step-mom is not expected to love her as a mom? (that's what the stepmom says, if she can't be called one she shouldn't be expected to be one)
Ok I think that is unfair that both ladies using that poor kid as a rope in egoistic this tug of war game. Why is the step mom putting conditions? Its not that the kid is gonna call her mom (or no mom) out of her (kid's) choice. Why deprive a kid of your love (that you are hopefully capable of giving) just because real mom is not letting her call the step-mom .. mom.
Why dont she earn the right of being called 'mom'?
