Any thoughts on this article?
what does it mean to create a life lie?
dushwari
Reality, when looked at truthfully, is quite depressing. We’re all doomed to tumultuous lives filled with toil and frustration. Most of us won’t live up to our potential. Most of our hopes and dreams will never be realized. Most of us will never become rich or famous or successful.
Just when you think a problem is solved, an uglier one replaces it. The cycle of desperation continues as our faculties decline. We lose our strength and beauty. We become shells of our former selves and eventually die.
Fortunately, thinking about the nasty truth can be averted with a well crafted Life Lie.
How? Luckily it’s easy. If you are relatively happy person, my guess is you already have one.
A Life Lie is a story we tell ourselves. A story we actually believe about our lives that lets us ignore reality and focus on a glorious future. Allow me to provide a background story.
I first learned about the Life Lie (in explicit terms) from reading a play; The Wild Duck by Norwegian playwright Henrik Ibsen. The main character of The Wild Duck is a man named Hjalmar. By all accounts, Hjalmar is pathetic. His father was ruined by a shady business deal and he’s lived his entire life in shame. His poor family makes a living from a photography business. A business that his father’s arch enemy gave to him out of pity and that his wife runs for all practical purposes.
Useless old Hjalmar should be miserable, but in fact he’s quite the opposite. Despite his pathetic life, Hjalmar is happy because he’s created a beautiful Life Lie.
Hjalmar’s Life Lie is ingenious. He truly believes that he’s going to invent an incredible machine that will make his family wealthy and erase his shame. He doesn’t just tell himself this lie, he actually lives it. Each day he goes off on his own for a few hours, supposedly working on the invention.
What is he really doing? No one knows. It truth, it’s irrelevant. Each day he comes back in high spirits, believing he’s on the cusp of completing the invention and elevating his family.
This is the key to a great Life Life. You can’t just tell yourself a beautiful story. You really have to live the delusion.
After learning about Life Lies, I immediately identified with the concept. Despite myself, I tried to deny it.
I’m different, I thought. I’m no washed up old coot. All my hopes and dreams will come true. Or so I thought. Eventually I realized that it really doesn’t matter. All that matters is being happy, and a great Life Lie accomplishes that.
My Life Lie really isn’t that much different than Hjalmar’s. I believe that if I keep working hard, this blog will become incredibly popular or that I’ll come up with a great idea to make money online. Once I have the money problem taken care of, I’ll be free to indulge my passions for the rest of my life.
I don’t just tell myself this. Every day after work, I come home, boot up my personal computer, and start working on the next blog entry, Photoshop tutorial, redesign, or traffic building activity.
Let’s be real. Is my Life Lie really going to happen? Maybe. It’s not impossible, other people have done it, but success is far from certain. The odds are probably against it.
But that isn’t important. Believing a Life Lie gives my mind something to focus on. I can ignore the pain and uncertainty of life and work towards a goal. I sleep better at night because I know I’ve done my part. If it doesn’t happen, that’s fate.
Sometimes I lose my Life Lie. Reality sets in and it’s incredibly depressing. I feel my smallness, weakness, and the lack of control I have over my life. It’s almost unbearable. Fortunately, I always come up with a new Life Lie.
If you want to be happier, create a fantastic Life Lie for yourself. Don’t worry about what other people think. Convince yourself and start living it. If you’re already happy, keep living the lie.
If you lose faith in your Life Lie, don’t panic. Think about what really makes you happy, create a plan to achieve that happiness, and start working towards the plan. A Life Lie is merely a more accurate description of a life dream.
Thomas Jefferson said that the greater part of our happiness and suffering is caused, not by physical pain or pleasure, but by our hopes and fears. Knowing this, you can make yourself happy and avoid suffering.
By creating a beautiful Life Lie you can fill your life with hope and purpose. You can avert the paralyzing uncertainty of reality. You can live a life of ignorant bliss.
Even if your Life Lie isn’t real, your happiness is. In the end that’s all that matters.
To me....there is no list of things that one is allowed to be happy of.
As long as one is happy, it should not matter why he/she is happy....or if the reason for happiness is reasonable or nobel. There was this guy on TV who liked to tear apart thick phone books. He said...it made him happy.
Philosophy is good but happiness is better.
If you think about it...the life of a rabbit is no more meaningful than a squirrel...why should the life of a human being be any different from that of a dog or a monkey ....we go through the same cycle of life and death.
Think of life as a ticket to Disney World....you can decide how much fun you want to have on the various rides....or you can just sit there and philosophize about what exactly you are doing on the ride.....either way you have to come out of the park some day....you might as well have fun as long as you are allowed to.
LIVE IN THE “NOW”…that is the solution, but it takes a lot of practice.
Hopes, ambition, planning, regrets etc lead to unhappiness, bitterness and inner turmoil.
We are always trying to score a goal but the goalpost keeps moving. Stop trying to score…just enjoy playing.
There is no pain in the “NOW”…in this “second” that is passing us by.
Unfortunately though, we spend our lifetime waiting for that one singular event that will forever make us happy. We keep postponing happiness as if “NOW” is not important.
Read Vedanta (Vedanta - Wikipedia). It prescribes a life of detached karma…do all you need to do in the practical world (work, family , finances etc)…but with detachment. Get obsessed with nothing. Find happiness within yourself , not from the external environment.
“In some oil mills in India, bullocks are used that go round and round to grind the oil seed. There is a yoke on the bullock’s neck. They have a piece of wood protruding from the yoke, and on that is fastened a wisp of straw. The bullock is blindfolded in such a way that it can only look forward, and so it stretches its neck to get at the straw; and in doing so, it pushes the piece of wood out a little further; and it makes another attempt with the same result, and yet another, and so on. It never catches the straw, but goes round and round in the hope of getting it, and in so doing grinds out the oil. In the same way you and I who are born slaves of nature, money and wealth, wives and children, are always chasing a wisp of straw, a mere chimera, and going through an innumerable round of lives without obtaining what we seek. The great dream is love; we are all going to love and be loved, we are all going to be happy and never meet with misery, but the more we go towards happiness, the more it goes away from us.”—Swami Vivekananda
Dushwari . i always like your threads and they are nice and intresting ...and definately which have a point.... and this thread also i agree too,
but ...
Why do u have to write so much ... i have to read and read and read and more reading ... i understand theres a point being made ... but i hate reading ...
so ..
i have a lil request to make ...when ever you post in a thread next time ... can you write a simpler version of it too at the end of the thread 'Just for me' ...so i dont have to read too much ..i can just scrol down and read your lil summerized version and i ll be very happy ... ThanQ . :-)
right. that is true. pursuit of happiness is a very unsettling state to be in at...
and no one can tell such a person, that that person is wrong. because that person must realize that happiness right here, sometimes, that person has to reach out to it with an open heart and with open arms.
i am sorry. do not read my posts.
it has to do with something you do not know about.
best,
dushwari
Dushwari . i always like your threads and they are nice and intresting ...and definately which have a point.... and this thread also i agree too,
but ...
Why do u have to write so much ... i have to read and read and read and more reading ... i understand theres a point being made ... but i hate reading ...
so ..
i have a lil request to make ...when ever you post in a thread next time ... can you write a simpler version of it too at the end of the thread 'Just for me' ...so i dont have to read too much ..i can just scrol down and read your lil summerized version and i ll be very happy ... ThanQ . :-)
Detachment does not mean that you stop loving people. It does not mean that you stop wanting promotions at work. It does not mean not wanting other sensual pleasures that life has to offer.
Detachment means that you don't get attached to these external ego-boosters such that your happiness (the peace within) becomes dependent on these external agencies.
The happiness in buying a BMW Car vanishes as soon as you see a Brand New Porsche on your neighbor's driveway. Externally derived happiness is temporary 100% of the time. Internal happiness is not.
Read the "Power of Now" book...it explains this in greater depth.
Now this wasnt nice of you …but cos you said ..‘best at the end’ and you said ..‘do not read my posts’ …then unlike some … i ll accept your order ..and wont read your posts ..in future …
and no one can tell such a person, that that person is wrong. because that person must realize that happiness right here, sometimes, that person has to reach out to it with an open heart and with open arms.
I am not sure what you are implying.
If you have a personal relationship problem - then there are two ways to solve it.
Follow the herd and do what most people do. Cry, cringe, get depressed, seek out counselors...etc
OR
Take a philosphical standpoint and look at life in totality...and realize the insignificance of your problem in the bigger scheme of things.
nope. that does not work. u missed my point, but that is alright.
in the 'bigger' scheme of things, it is making men realize that they are not going to have it both ways - that is what is essential for men's own betterment.
no man is able to confront his self in relationship problems. no matter how honest to Almighty, the other person - respective woman might be.
if anything, men are the ones who need a sense of ownership of their own lack of demeaning trust and respect that is given to them free home, and maybe that is what gets to their brains as they do not have hearts.
and that is fine.
see how easy it is to frustrate men.
just by asking them something.
true that i am not going to be able to correct all men. i do not have to.
eventually men have to do so, determine their affinity with a relationship, in all honesty, for their own sake.
just an opinion.
best,
dushwari
I am not sure what you are implying.
If you have a personal relationship problem - then there are two ways to solve it.
Follow the herd and do what most people do. Cry, cringe, get depressed, seek out counselors...etc
OR
Take a philosphical standpoint and look at life in totality...and realize the insignificance of your problem in the bigger scheme of things.
fbi786 & some1
we are all sensible people.
i hav recently learnt, when an arguments gets to you, stop arguing. it must be noticed.
so no bad vibes.
you are guppies and i happen to post my posts here as a guppan.
there will be other times, when we can present our opinions.
nothing is futile when discussed.
yes, it becomes futile, when one side is sharing ideas and thoughts and the other is silent out of spite.
do well and stay well.
best,
dushwari
Dushwari, I agree with fb1786....even I am having a hard time decoding you.
I may actually have misinterpreted your original intention when starting this thread...in which case all my above posts are futile.
Are you having a relationship problem with your man ?
It would be much better if you explained your problem clearly rather than tip-toe around the subject in an abstract manner.
Only if I understand what the question is, I can attempt an answer.
Else I am not playing this guessing game.
Some1 : I think it would be best for us and for dushwari that we left this thread ..cos like i said ...it seems Dushwari is have or going thru some tough times .. understandable.
And its good tht you put it blunt .. cos i was ...*^ *
and yeas only if we knew what was ur exact Question (thas why i said if you could summarize) ..it would be helpful ..and we hold no grudges nor want to get futile .. if we hve the understanding in helping you then we respectfully will ..but if we dont know what the situation is ..then we cant. :)
