According to science women love.....

Lifestyle Relationships
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Interesting article. It seems bad boys are chosen by some girls from some cultures for short term relationships like it says in the article for flings or when the girl is ovulating. Or if she is commitment phobic. I don’t know if bad boys are as appealing to desi girls looking for long term relationship ships. Confidence and someone who is protective.

Maybe guys don’t go got bad girls but they go for girls who value them for their status and material benefits rather than girls who value their personality and attributes. Then when those material benefits disappear in tough times some of those guys wonder why the girl they were with disappeared and should they have chosen the caring nice girl over the attractive one who valued just their status and was materialistic.

Is Daniel Craig liked because he is a bad guy or because he played James Bond a hero character? Maybe they areally attracted to status, confidence and power more than bad boys.

Is your nephew looking for the right girls? Maybe he hasn’t found a nice girl or the nice girls around were not attractive enough? I have a friend who is a nice girl. She is professionally a doctor, slim, caring and likes another guy who is a doctor but who is not attracted to her. She is always concerned and caring of his feelings, cooks food for him and brings it over. She even cooks for his family if she knows they like those dishes. She gets along well with the family. She is homely and even happy to live with in laws after marriage though she has been brought up in West. She is homely, would make a good home and is loyal. Then why isn’t the nice guy, who is studious, attracted to her? Is it because she is not exciting and attractive enough? Many times nice girls get friend zoned.

I think while game is important more important is to know the relationship dream of the girl (guy)someone likes. I feel like it’s not that hard to make a girl like someone. You just have to know what they look for in a relationship, what TV shows/dramas they watch and the actors/guys they like there and act in a similar way. Make her a priority not an option and be sensitive/caring. If someone does this they can’t go wrong with most decent girls. Most guys don’t put this effort is another thing.

I came across this scientific book online called how to make anyone fall in love with you and its an interesting book meant for both guys and girls. It’s based on scientific studies and I would recommend it as an interesting read for those interested in psychology like me. I’m a psychologist so can’t help it :slight_smile:

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Thank you for such an amazing post, everyone should read that book. I make my staff watch a video about science of persuasion and this has many similarities. I think it answers your question about the doctor girl also as we are looking for value in relationship and if someone is chasing you then you think this person doesn’t bring a lot of equity The same with my nephew, I think if he dressed like a hot shot and sported a bit of an attitude girls will see him as a person with higher equity.

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There’s nothing wrong with the guy wanting a wife he finds physically attractive, after all it’s going to be him who’ll be intimate with her.. Would she really want to be married to someone who doesn’t find her attractive?

Your post also makes it seem as though it must be a choice between one or the other and the assumption is that the ‘homely’ girl will make the better wife whilst the other may not..

Looks fade but we don’t (usually) change to the point where we’re unrecognisable or completely different.. I always find the argument of ‘looks will fade’ so it doesn’t matter what he/she looks like rather odd because we do tend to retain a lot of our characteristics and they’re naturally part of the overall package that a person may or many not be attracted to.. Whilst it should never be the only thing that matters to downplay attraction I think is naive and can lead to problems further down the line..

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I loved your post, only one thing I would like to add is the sexiest thing one posses is the attitude, if the same person changes the attitude a bit and shows a lot more confidence than many chase after that person.

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Thanks Bobby Uncle. Always appreciate ur wise posts. I’m in North America now for a few more days so I’m in the same continent as many here. Glad u read it. I’ve read it though have not put what’s inside to practice. It seems guys don’t like it when girls chase them or show value and interest. The guy is a doctor and so is the girl. The girl who he is more attracted to is also in the same profession. All 3 know each other. Personally I find the more accepting girl physically attractive but he finds the one who does not accept him as she is to be more physically attractive. She is of evangelical Christian background and wants him to change yet he does not want to. Yet she gets upset and jealous if he likes another. At the same time this other girl accepts him as he is and listens to him. He asked her to call his sister didi and she does.
Maybe she needs to show more attitude and be less accepting. She mentioned to me that maybe she should have done that but she doesn’t believe in playing games. If u like someone u like someone right? Why not tell them. But it seems showing attitude is important in order to not seem desperate or needy.
I was going to meet up with a guy in the US for rishta purposes with my dad. Till 1 week ago he was happy to meet. Then I sent him my number and details by email so we could plan a meeting place but I never heard back from him. Then I was unable to access my email because I couldn’t recall my recovery email so a meeting never happened. He didn’t give me his number so I couldn’t contact him. If he wanted to meet he could have messaged me on whatsapp. But I don’t know what it was whether he couldn’t be bothered or I didn’t show attitude enough but he never got back to me. So I think if nice guys are not valued neither are nice girls not even by so called “nice guys.”

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Thanks for the comment Deeba. I agree with you. There is nothing wrong with choosing physical attraction as one of the criteria. Both the guy and girl should choose someone they are physically attracted to. I personally find this girl equally attractive. Then again I’m not a guy so not sure what they look for.
I probably didn’t give as much detail. Both work with the guy and are career minded and ambitious. One just seems more caring and considerate of the guy. The other is an evangelical Christian whose parents are not willing to meet the guy till he converts. And the girl prays for him to convert. Both would seem equally good rishtas but if one of the girls can’t accept someone as they are when they know he is not willing to convert then no matter how attractive someone is isn’t someone who accepts u better. He finds the girl who is evangelical more attractive than the other.

This is why I believe if nice guys miss out so do nice girls. I don’t know if it’s because they seem like less of a challenge or top obtainable.

At the end of the day it’s his choice and I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe what we consider more attractive now may not be more attractive 10 yrs down the line.

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How is attitude shown to a guy? Maybe not replying straight away and not agreeing to what they suggest automatically. Playing hard to get. That girl also admits she should have maybe tried to play harder to get. She asked the guy “are you waiting for someone better to come along.”

Don’t understand the male search for someone hotter or better looking. It’s a never ending search and at some point u have to weigh up pros and cons and be satisfied. Girls may do same when it comes for material benefits but at some point u need to make a decision so others can move on.

I think I’m too much of a nice girl but it’s not something I can change.

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Bollywood movies always amazed me for the fact how they take lying and deceiving so casually. Standards of integrity are different here, I am working in a new ethnic community and most dont keep their word, honor their commitment or are up front and honest. For the guy who didn’t keep his commitment to you, I hold them in lower esteem compared to a rat.

You have to change to the way the world is, the world will never change to accommodate you. We dont employ logic in our decision making and most decisions are based on our hard-wired reptilian brain.

Words are only 7 percent of the meaning we convey, there are other ways of getting your message across. The way you stand, talk, walk, intonation, how fast you speak all add to the message given.

I am now going to talk about something very important and that is personal bng. I teach my staff that before you can sell that house to someone else, you have to be sold on it yourself first. First, sell yourself on how amazing (which I truly believe you are) and then sell it to other people. Self-bng message should be consistent in everything you do. In the way you dress, walk, your internet prescence etc. This area manager Jessica who I trained for a bit gained amazing results from self-b*****ng, she is okay feature wise but she worked out like crazy, got an amazing body, dresses to enhance her physical attributes, her hands, hair, feet, shoes are always perfect, her Audi is always shiny. She doesn’t have a lot of skills yet got promoted before many senior people, was able to land a good husband also. Your friend should never marry that man, a woman should only marry a man who would kiss the ground she walks on. A woman offers infinitely more to a man than what a man can offer a woman so a woman should be pursued.

BTW, seems like my Shareef nephew and your friend could be a good match. If he followed my advice of wearing designer suites, 100 dollar ties, drove a shiny Audi and 700 dollar aviators, girls would be lined up for him.

Don’t ever give douchebags who can’t keep their word a second chance, many are liars and are already in a relationship and are talking to several girls.

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I guess there are all types of bollywood movies. They also have ones where couples stick together through thick and thin. Once they find someone they like they don’t look at another. But we all know reality isn’t always like that.
I checked my email when I arrived in LA and he had sent an email 4 days back and 5 days back asking me whether to put 61 for calling my number etc. I couldnt access my email as I couldn’t recall my recovery email and had my work email on my phone. For 6 days he was too busy to reply but then when he did reply I was overseas and couldn’t access my email. If he had given me his whatsapp a meeting could have been fixed. As I don’t have wifi access if he had called I wouldmy have got it unless I was at a hotel or home of a family friend. The guy knew that. His email is nice guy but it seems he is too busy to commit to a relationship. Originally he said lets meet at Las vegas but since he couldnt reply to his email in time he said lets nw meet at SF as i had moved on from LV. Its kind kf embarrassing for me to mention to my dad that this guy wont turn up tomorrow. This fine but unless someone makes a relationship a priority why pursue it.

I have only know this guy online as he lives in the US and I am from Australia. But I hoped if I met him I could observe non verbal body language because words alone are not enough. But I think if he can’t find time to finalise a meetup there is no point going further in a long term relationship. Maybe I need to be more sold on myself.
They would be a good match if long distance didn’t come in the way. After my experience I don’t think I would recommend long distance to anyone.

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You are so much better off without people like him when people are not open about their contact information you know that it is very fishy. You are an amazing human being and any young man who ends up with you will be a lucky man.

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Thanks for the compliments, advice and good wishes. I like your positive outlook on life. It’s refreshing. I have emailed him to reply to his emails but don’t think meeting up is possible. He is in NY and I’m in LA. Too late for a flight. No worries. Better luck next time.

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He has an opportunity to visit you in Australia if that is what he wants. Males have to move heaven and earth to prove that they are worthy of the female. I have seen all my son’s friends treat their girlfriends like goddesses. Video below shows what males are supposed to do for females. I am confident that you will have an awesome life as you have your priorities right.

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maxim and animal planet. :clown: bob smith chaudhary’s sources for extra-deep analysis of male sex appeal.

not surprised one bit. :slight_smile:

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Interesting video. Lot of inferences of human behaviour have been made from animals. I like your approach of focusing on the positive and neglecting to respond to negativity. Technically he should if he is interested but I doubt he will go to that much effort. I sense entitlement from his end. Thanks for the positivity about my future.

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I disagree with the sentiment that guys have to do all the work here, that they have to move heaven and earth for a girl. That’s only assuming she likes him back and the feelings are somewhat mutual, why would you do all that for a girl who is only luke warm towards you? I believe more in equality in a relationship, I aint putting in more work than I need to in to a relationship until I know she wants me just as bad as I want her. I’ve been down the road of the one sided relationship, always having to be the one who is doing the chasing/the calling, the texting first, the setting of plans. **** that noise, she has to make an effort too. I might be wrong here, but my ego/self respect is quite high, and if I’m seeing i’m doing more work in the relationship I pull back, as the great philosopher drake said, “I go 0 to 100 real quick.”

Shaasevera long distance is very tough, I don’t think long distance should last more than 3 months. You’ll quickly find out that you’ll run out of stuff to talk about , you’ll always be wondering if he’s talking to other girls or not? Anyways, its the guy’s job to meetup, if it doesn’t work out meeting in the states its his job to fly over to Australia and meet you. If he’s too busy, than start looking for other people/rishtas while keeping him on the side.

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I believe in laws of nature and nature has made the female species to be the selectors as they take all the risk. In the case of people, the female has to decide if you are physically strong enough and good looking enough to give her strong healthy babies. She is deciding if you are worth the risk to risk her life carrying your babies and dedicating her life raising them. Pursuing her tells you that you have a strong enough commitment that you might stick around when she is going thru the hardships of raising your children. If you want equal now then when she gets bigger and older than you wouldn’t want anything to do with her. There is a reason a man goes down on his knees to ask for her hand. A man cannot be equal to a woman, she is the one who bears the children and loses her sleep feeding and keeping the baby alive. A top female would have many contenders if you don’t compete, you don’t get her.

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lol, nature is only part of the equation, nothing is so black and white like being the top Alpha male will make you get any girl (long term at least). Thats plainly false, there are so many factors at play here. Just having alot of money, a physical build and being a bad boy might only meet her physicalogical needs, but girls also have emotional needs (psychological needs) as well as self fulfillment needs. We might have had our beginnings in the animal kingdom, but these days I think we are little far removed from monkeys. The type of equality i’m asking for is not that of being equal to her in her role has a parent or raising strong healthy babies its about having a basic understanding that it takes two to tango. Which if you classify this it would belong to psychological need.
Now a top female will have plenty of guys go after her, but similarly a top male can have any number/plenty of girls to chase after and get. I remember on OKcupid, 90% of the girls liked the top 10% of the guys. And with the marriage economy as it is, theirs plenty of girls to chose from. So with all that in the equation, why would I need to chase after a top female and not getting my basic needs met? It’s a stupid ass deal to get into, some other poor sap who wants to put in 110% and get 0% in return can have her. I can go after another girl who understands this (and trust me there are tons) and we can both satisfy each other needs.

I just find it stupid in this day and age to compete for a girl, no girl is that special. Same goes with guys, no guy is that special either.

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I think in today’s time both sides need to be putting in the work to get to know each other and it’s only sensible that you’re getting to know the person, their family and upbringing as your whole life will depend on it. But I do agree the guy needs to put in the effort first. Guys are the ‘hunters’. I’ve never heard of a girl go ‘hunting for a man’. Guys do the pursuing and proposing.

The people chasing others based on looks and superficial things are probably very young and aren’t looking for anything serious to begin with. I haven’t ever done the online dating thing so don’t know about the statistics there but most people who are serious know well enough what they want out of a potential spouse in terms of level of deen, education, family background, future goals, etc. Both guys and girls are looking for others that add value to their life and are genuinely interested in helping each other reach their best potential.

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So how many relationships have you had so far?

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Depends on what you classify as a relationship, but I’ve probably texted with over 200+, talked on the phone with 30 and and met around 7 for marriage. These girls are all across the u.s and canada? So I would say 7 relationships..as they all lasted more than 3 months.
I don’t “date” and keep things halal, but I know what i’m looking for. But according to you..although I’m just guessing here…, none of these will probably be classified as relationships cause I haven’t had sex with any of them? But I have met and hung out with them, talked with for a while and got to know them and there fam. Several reasons why they didn’t work out.

But how does how many relationships I’ve had matter?