And this is why I think my brother failed slightly as a parent in raising a totally shareef boy. We were discussing this in my other thread but this is a topic in itself. Good guys are shat on and ridiculed. You don’t have to be reckless or a jerk but you need to be able to excite, attract and thrill a girl.
It’s not just about finding the right partner, though; women like bad boys because they’re downright fascinating. “While [pathological men] are selfish, rule-breaking, imprudent, and rebellious, they are also brave, temerarious, independent, and self-reliant—and they live frantic, galvanizing lives,” Gutierrez says. Bad boys are fun, and like Cyndi Lauper said, girls just want to have fun.“Nice guys” just can’t offer women any of the thrills their dominant, leather jacket-wearing counterparts can.This research may apply to both men and women, but it’s especially pronounced (and often overwhelming) among the ladies. According to researchpublished Journal of Personality and Social Psychology back in 2012, women, in the week of ovulation, tend to become attracted to"sexy, rebellious and handsome men like George Clooney or James Bond,” as study researcher study researcher Kristina Durante put it.
I wouldn’t say bad boy, I think they don’t like guys who suck up to them and act all submissive. A lot of girls like it when a guy teases them, well that’s what it was like when I was growing up.
Now that I reminisce one of my old ghunda acquaintance ended up with this gorgeous doctor girl. I think he got into politics and was associated with Hussain Haqqani. He now runs a desi restaurant in NY. I can remember a lot of those guys attracted some amazing partners. We have a whole bunch of teenagers hang at our house and the nicest, best looking and the most responsible of them all always gets bro-zoned by girls. My boy was asking me what is the reason behind that? If he just adjusted his style to be a bit risque..
Lol I notice that when I’m nice to girls I end up friend zoned but the chicks I tease the most and pretend to dislike are the ones that are the most flirty.
Alright Bobby uncle, so I did a little background research because you can hardly trust websites like Maxim that present an article on scientific studies. And as I suspected, they exaggerated to spice things up. The actual scientific article can be found here: Fitness costs and benefits of personality disorder traits - ScienceDirect
Unfortunately, I couldn’t read the whole article because you have to buy it so I just have to rely on the abstract… the study included 738 outpatients with pathological personality traits unlike the “1000 participants” that article on Maxim claimed. And to top it all off, the outpatients were given a questionnaire… not very scientific after all. People lie bobby uncle, you can never know who actually told the truth or who increased the number of partners to inflate their ego.
Also, I would like to point out another article by the same researcher behind this study, Fernando Gutiérrez. Impulsive sensation seeking personality, described as Impulsivity, risk-taking, disorderliness, rule-breaking… stereotypical personality of “bad boy” per say. The article had this to say about it.
“Sensation Seeking was linked to mild dissatisfaction only towards oneself, the family, and couple relationships. However, it was the main predictor of illegal drug use and made moderate but independent contributions to violent behavior, self-lesions, suicidal thoughts, and suicidal attempts. It was also among the most powerful predictors of the amount of professional help and the number of emergency visits and psychiatric admissions required.”
The above excerpt was taken from Seven Basic Dimensions of Personality Pathology and Their Clinical Consequences: Are
All Personalities Equally Harmful article.
We have scores of teens who hang at our house and the vanilla boys never get the hottest girls. bad boy doesn’t have to be drugs or sleaze balls, I turned my wife’s nephew into a bad boy and he traveled thru Amazon, ate Iguanas, slept on streets and jungles..lived a passionate life. If my brother lets me turn his boy into a bad boy, I promise you girls would be breaking his door down to get to him.
Yea but what kind of girls are after them? Last time I checked… that nephew who was traveling through Amazon was falling for a girl who cared more about wealth than your nephew. It is not about the quantity that matters, it is the quality.
There are absolutely amazing girls after him and he is not attracted towards them. His childhood friend belonged to an amazing family, was gorgeous, tall and also a physician and she loved him to pieces, she also approached my wife and he told us that he thinks of her as a sister. My land developer friends daughter really liked him and also the doctor girl I sold the house to and he refused them all. He did walk away from the gold digger though.
His older brother who wasn’t mature enough Shareef boy got nailed by this not very nice person. Exposure matures you.
@aqua70 also my sisters boy who wasn’t raised with traditional values is marrying a very beautiful successful Thai girl and his brother is in a several year long relationship with an amazing Hindu girl.
So in the end, they married someone they were compatible with… ie. non-traditional, just like someone with traditional values would like someone who also holds same traditional values. Nothing to do with bad boy culture in my opinion.
I’m a magnet for jerk boys and I hate them. It’s a test by the Almighty I think to see if I’ll cave and want to marry one of them but believe me, I’ve prayed numerous times, falling to my knees thanking my creator that I’m not married to any of these jerk boys. As much as I want a good boy, I feel like they are not meant for me because every “good boy” I’ve wanted was also a huge mamma’s boy and mamma usually wanted a huge dowry or a green card for her boy. I usually have a big “green card or loads of money for marriage” sign on my forehead in their eyes. It’s weird.
Okay all that was supposed to be light humor. Seriously though i’m repulsed by bad boys. I have only negative thoughts about them and try to steer clear of them.
All the ones with traditional values are still single. Nontraditional ones have relationships at the peak of their youth not wasting the most beautiful years of their lives.
Not all, half of the traditional lads found someone in university. In the end you are basically asking people to disregard their way of life just to have someone to make out with? Lol bobby uncle, there is more to life than that. But we can agree to disagree.
I am seeing scores of mid thirties and approaching 40s single desi people and tons of divorces so apparantly tradition has failed and you have to move with the times. Relationships are not just making out..my hostess Rebecca was going to school, living with bf at 18 sharing life with him, going out, traveling, skiing etc together, spending holidays together so a lot more than making out. Been 10 yrs and they are still together.
Also tradition was made in a society where a guy says talak 3 times and your life is finished, here you have arrests, alimony, relinquishing your house to the woman etc.
So here is a reality check, I suggest all people with fairy tale expectations read the complete article, divorce rates and conflicts among immigrant couples have reached very high numbers.
Excerpt from the article.
“Fairy tale” expectationsA major cause of divorce for many Muslim couples is unrealistic expectations of their spouse and their relationship. This is especially true in a culture where, for decades, gender roles have been challenged. The traditional husband as breadwinner and wife as homemaker is no longer a given in many families. The pressure to maintain two-income households means confusion over who does what and why. This often leads to the expectation that each spouse conform to both modern and traditional values.
“People want the best of both worlds,” explained Abugideiri “For the guys that means ‘I want a woman who is intelligent, independent and will help me financially’. That’s the best of the Western world. So they get married, he discovers that he also wants an excellent cook, a homemaker and a wife who will greet him with a smile when he comes home from work…and she’ll also take orders,” she added.
“For women they want a man who will value them as an independent person, somebody who will be an equal parent, friend, confidant and at the same time, they might be resentful that he’s expecting her to pitch in with the finances, he might not be a strong decision-maker, maybe he relies on her too much. They also want the man who is going to be the protector, the one who will be opening doors for them,” Abugideiri continued.
“As a community we are going through a transition,” she said. “As women understand more about Islam and what they have the right to demand in marriage, men don’t like the fact that a woman isn’t 100 percent dependent on him. There are a lot of power struggles happening.”
It’s these kinds of “fairy tale expectations”, as Nadir called them, that also lead to unrealistic views about day-to-day life in marriage. For women she has counseled, Nadir said there’s “the sense that he’ll always bring flowers, there will always be romance in the relationship. I think Muslim women who have kept their chastity deserve a fairy tale kind of relationship but it has to be balanced with the reality of life.” But while this may not be possible daily, “with training, a couple can learn to spice up their relationship, especially those who haven’t dated or seen their parents in a happy marriage,” she added.
For men, Shalabi noted that a wife’s appearance is a major subject of fairy tale expectations. She said a number of men in cases she has seen expect their wives to slim down drastically to pre-baby proportions after having children, for example, and don’t understand the role that biology and genetics often play in weight gain and loss. An additional expectation is that a husband can socialize and hang out with friends late into the night as he did before marriage.
I actually think many guys also reject nice homely girls for those seen to be more societally good looking or attractive. Quite sad really. And when they do marry homely types it’s due to pressure from parents.
One of my younger brother’s friends is a nice guy. He is a doctor, good looking and has good personality. A girl from his workplace also a doctor is interested but he is not interested. I think she is good looking but my brother says his friend does not feel attracted. She cares about the guys feelings, always replies to his messages fast, asks how his day is, makes food for him and brings it to the house. When his car was being serviced she dropped him home from work. She gets along well with his family and even brings over food when she makes their favourite dishes. She gets along with his sister who is my friend. The family wants him to marry her but he is not ready. Does not feel attracted. He feels attracted to a girl who rejected him because her parents couldn’t accept his different background.
I don’t understand guys like that who don’t appreciate what they have but then when it’s gone they will feel sad. They keep running after attraction but what if a spouse has an accident or they have an accident and their attraction is gone. Does that mean they leave their spouse or their spouse should leave them?
People want what they can’t have.
There are probably many thousands of such desi girls in West.
I think the science is that basically people want what they can’t have. They want not a person but an accomplishment. For a girl that might be changing the bad guy into shareef insaan or for a guy turning a girl into a gharelu/homely person. Instead of accepting people as they are they want to show they have changed someone and they want the credit.
Man don’t want to marry bad girls and absolutely don’t respect them. I have a swarm of teenagers who hang around my home and they all talk ill about these girls. Yes everyone likes a challenge and people like what is hard to get. I teach the science of persuasion so I know this stuff. Women genetically are attracted to strength and dominance which they think bad boys have. With the such established phenomenon of 80 percent black kids being raised without fathers sociologist agree that it is beacuse of black women being attracted to thugs. The new age phenomenon is that modern woman wants an equal and respectful partner outside the intimate setting and a thug in privacy. I thaught my boys to be polite and to be thugs when it counts.
Uncle har koi aap ki tara eastern and western values ka perfect match nahi ho sakta na.
I don’t know if all women especially subcontinental women are attracted to thugs but they are attracted to confident guys with sense of humour and protective instinct. So more than showing strength its the protective instinct which is attractive. Protective but not possessive. Even if they are attracted to thugs I find many will marry a nice guy who looks like he won’t be easily bossed around and will stand up for her. Sometimes nice guys might give off a vibe that they are easily pushed around and too much of a mama’s boy.
They talk ill about them but they are attracted to them before marriage because they can provide what they are looking for. Maybe not a bad girl but rebellious girls who don’t always listen to them or give into their wishes like a nice girl. The example I have given above is so common. They usually ignore or don’t feel attracted to the nice girls I mentioned who are caring and willing to listen. THey instead prefer the challenge of a rebellious girl who may be more conventionally attractive but who later on might not adjust/compromise at all or whose parents are not accepting of him.
With guys maybe its similar. They want an equal and respectful partner in public but in private they prefer attractive, uncompromising and gossiping “*****y” girls whose parents don’t accept them but not nice girls.
My nice guy nephew in NY is having such a hard time finding the right match, he obviously can’t be mammas boy as he lives alone, cant be weak as he is VP for a major bank at 30. Physically strong as he is 6-2 but has a weak game, he is not a player, doesn’t buy high fashion stuff and do snazzy things. If he got his game right for the same guy girls would hunt him down. As per our reptilian DNA guys are attracted to girls who would make good homes and be good mothers and display fidelity and women are attracted to power and dominance and many see thugs and bad boys as dominant. We do have a thread on GS about desi girls crushing on bad boy Daniel Craig. Here is a nice article on it.
