Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

^ How about a secret letter to her to tell her what the ILs are really made of?? (I'm not sure whether I'm joking or not).

22

Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

omg there are gna be more and more problems.
best of luck. it seems very complicated

23

Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

I like the clutch idea b/c it’s something she can use for a long time and it’s not something MIL/BIL etc. can pick on. As for the book…it’s not a bad idea to include 1 or 2 books on a Islamic rights of a wife etc.

But to be honest…I feel very sad for this girl. Even if she’s fully aware of her rights…given her young age…I’m not sure if she can or will do anything to stand up for herself. If you, at the age of 30 living in UK, haven’t been able to do anything to change your situation…I’m not sure if a 15 year old (17 at the time of marriage) living in Pakistan will have much luck. :hinna:

24

Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

^ :k: A anonymous letter to the girl’s parents fully explaining at least the lies about money/land/businesses etc. And I’m not joking.

25

Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

wow.

and you and your husband are ok with deceiving the family and the girl in question? and if not ... how are you addressing this situation.
pardon me for not answering your original question ... but picking out a right gift is really small potatoes compared to the giant elephant of a problem that is about to begin .....

26

Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

You mention that your brother in law is falling into debt, how is he then planning on building a life for himself and the wife? Is he going to be using your funds for that as well?

I don't see any goodness in marrying someone if you can't provide them and judging by what's expected of the 15 year old, its not like she is going to be allowed to work or anything?

I just don't understand why at 15 she has to be thinking about things like marriage when she should be thinking about her education but oh well..I suppose that's the way it is

27

Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

a guriya and a one direction poster.

never mind me. get her cute clothes or the truth, that'd be a cute present.

28

Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

Given the fact that the 15 year-old's parents actually considered and said "yes" to a rishta for her....to a man twice her age........it doesn't look like education is the top priority for that family. Not the girl's fault for being born into a family with those certain...values.

29

Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

:cb:

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Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

Clutch or handbag is a great idea. So is make-up and other cosmetics. If you live in London, maybe you can get her some of the touristy London stuff? My cousin visited Paris and got me this gorgeous umbrella with a Paris logo. I loved it and I'm sure it did not cost her an arm and a leg.

31

Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

I was gonna suggest this but you said they don’t like artificial jewellery. Design your custom made Name Necklace!

I got one for my sister in law after her wedding, along with a little hamper of random items like a bag, nailpolish and perfume.

32

Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

I know it's not relevant to what you posted about, but I am curious...you say your husband just has a 'normal' job yet you can still fund a wedding in Pak, which will no doubt costs thousands of pounds. Are you really good at cutting back and saving or are you getting yourselves into debt to pay for the wedding?

33

Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

Seeing as your paying for the whole wedding I would say you didn't need a gift, however of you still want to gift something what about a nice dress. When my cousin got married we got her a nice outfit from the UK and everyone really liked it and commented on how it's different from what you would get from Pakistan.

34

Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

No I am seriously against the lies and deceit. If you have read any of my previous threads about my relationship with my inlaws you will find my MIL seriously wishes I would disappear off the face of the earth now that her son is a British national. When I attempted to talk about this girls age I was told i was jealous by MIL.

Maybe a letter is the best present. But would this girl forgive me? Apparently the family are very impressed with my BIL.

I don't agree with marriage without financial means but again when I try to talk about it I get told I think like a gori.

As for my husband; I heard him talking to his parents and asking them to be open. He was shot down for that too.

35

Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

Debt Britchick. Sad I know. Again my previous posts kind of go into detail on my position within my inlaws. I plan to go back to work InshAllah and financially support myself and my kids without constant crap from inlaws.

36

Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

I didn't want to get too into it since you didn't ask for advice related to your family here.....but I really do hope you consider sending an anonymous letter to the girl AND to her parents. Obviously you have to be careful about what details you provide b/c you don't want to reveal anything that could be traced back to you specifically. Reveal information that the entire or at least multiple people in the family know. The financial lies should be an easy one.

If you stay quiet and this marriage goes through.....how do you think the girl will feel once she moved in with her husband and finds out the truth about his financial status? How will she look at you when she finds out the truth.....knowing that you're just another family member who kept the truth from her? As for her family....right now they're impressed by LIES. How would you feel if someday your own daughter ends up marrying a loser b/c you were lied to?

Give it some serious thought. If the girl's parents go through the marriage even after receiving a letter letting them know that everything they've been told is a lie........THEN you can go buy the pretty clutch for the girl. :)

37

Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

I’m sorry I havnt read your previous posts … im not a frequent visitor of life 1.
as to the bolded part. will she forgive you when the facade comes crashing down? … I don’t know what else to say except think of your own loved one (a sister perhaps or a daughter if you have one) in the same situation. would you not hope and pray that someone out there will mercy in their heart and enough strength of character to tell the truth? :sigh:
lastly, from your posts in this thread … you’ve painted your in-laws as quite conservative and religious. what religion is it they are following? cant be islam … islam prohibits lying and deceiving. what do you suppose islam says of folks that are accomplices to schemes of lies and deception?

anyhow … enough derailing of this thread by me … I’m out. best of luck with your life.

38

Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

This is all so so so sad and disturbing :( I know the thread was about a gift...but.... seriously.

All I can suggest is, when the **** hits the fan, be there for her as much as you can...

39

Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

The family might be impressed with the BIL because of the lies and deceits that your in-laws have spunned about him.

I would say that please go ahead with the letter, if it is possible to do so. That would be the best ever gift to the girl. And yes she would forgive you, even thank you; most likely she is being forced into consenting to the marriage anyways. Who wants to leave her parents' home and get married at 15, or for that matter 17, to a virtual stranger twice her age?

From your posts, it is clear that your MIL is a petty and materialistic individual who doesn't really care for DILs. If the 15 year old girl will be moving into your in-laws' home then her life could very well be made hell by your MIL. There would be very little happiness for her post-marriage. Why subject an unsuspecting teenager to such a fate when she can do much better?

The poor girl is just 15 and her whole life is ahead of her. I am sure she will get LOTS of rishtas so it will be no loss for her or her family if they say no to the BIL. They should politely call off the engagement saying they are sorry but they have changed their mind, citing the massive age difference between their daughter and the BIL.

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Re: Acceptable presents for a new SIL?

If my parents were shutting me out from the world and selling me to the highest bidding old man, I"d probably not want to continue being wiht my parents either. Sad sad world.