About my relationship with my fiance.

Demilitarize · December 13, 2011, 8:49pm

Re: About my relationship with my fiance.

beautiful answer :k:

It doesn’t matter what we think about all this. What matters is what YOU and HIM think!

In 4 YEARS of being in a relationship with him…have you ever asked him if he considers himself Sunni or Shia? Have you two talked about whether or not the children will be raised as Sunni or Shia?

Based on what you wrote, I’m going to assume that you never asked him directly what he considers himself to be. Please let me know if I’m wrong in my assumption. BUT if I’m right…that means that based on his actions…you also ASSUMED that he doesn’t consider himself Shia. And if that’s true that that is a MAJOR mistake. Just because your fiance does not practice the specifics of Shiaism…that does not automatically mean that he doesn’t consider himself Shia.

So here’s what I think you need to do:

Have a open and non-judgment discussion with your fiance. Ask him directly whether or not he considers himself Shia or Sunni.

Ask your fiance if he expect his children to be raised as Sunni or Shia…or be exposed to both equally.

Once your fiance answers those questions…based on his answers…then YOU and YOU alone need to decide whether or not you still want to marry him.

And also…I hate to say this but at 22, your fiance is still has a lot of growing up to do (personality/emotionally). All my close friends…my cousins…myself included…we’re not the same exact person today that we were back at 22. Heck even my fiance will admit that he has changed his values/beliefs a lot in the last 10 years. So whether its this specific religion issue or other personality issues…you need to keep in mind that no matter who you marry…there is no guarantee that the person will change…or will NOT change.

Obviously his mother/father managed to make their marriage work despite being Shia & Sunno. There are plenty of other mixed couples out there who make it work too. The issue here isn’t the potential difference in religious sects…the issue here is whether or not BOTH of you are willing to work through the differences.