We have been going out for over 4 years, engaged since 2 years. We are mashAllah very happy with each other and also very happy with my in laws.
There is one element that keeps bothering me and i don’t settle with. Its religion.
His mother is a shia, father is a sunni. his both brothers are also pro shias. When we were going out he never expressed his views, he would never attend a majlis (he has never attended one) he doesnt perform matam and stays home during muharram like normal people do. so it was never really an issue, he only asked me not to celebrate our birhtdays in the first ten days.. which we also did once.. so it was a very neutral attitude.
however lately his brother has been trying to persuade him to be a more active, like sending him videos of scholars and stuff.. he also told me to watch if i wanted to. i feel disturbed by this cause this would cause issues between him.. i like the person that he is, and i dont want him to change. its really bothering me about him changing. He is 22 years old. He prays namaz like a sunni, kalma like us as well..
I really am left speechless when people say stuff like that.
If it appeals to him, he will "convert" and depending on how much you love him, you'll learn to make your peace with it. Religion is a personal matter for everyone
i'm so sorry demesne, i meant no offence. I meant stay at home like all of the people i know cause i have heard that all shias attend majlis.
yes it is a personal matter but it is also better to marry someone with similiar beliefs. If he changes his beliefs it is likely to change alot of things.
If he keep getting confused whom to follow, then he would keep causing confusion is your relationship with him. If he has a firm personality of his own and doesn't easily get carried away by either of the two school of thoughts, GOOD, otherwise he would swing like a pendulum and make you swing with him.
i'm so sorry demesne, i meant no offence. I meant stay at home like all of the people i know cause i have heard that all shias attend majlis.
yes it is a personal matter but it is also better to marry someone with similiar beliefs. If he changes his beliefs it is likely to change alot of things.
^ :)..it's alright..
As for him changing his beliefs, it's not like religion changes. We are all muslim. Be a little open minded, let him make his personal growth. Explore with him if you wish. His mom and dad were from different sects and managed to make things work, so do many other couples. It isn't an end all situation.
You are right it is better to settle down with someone who shares similar beliefs, at least on paper it seems as though it will cut down possibilities of problems later.
But you two are already in love, already engaged, so love is a gamble, and gambles are for the brave. Be brave, and see where it goes.
I really am left speechless when people say stuff like that.
If it appeals to him, he will "convert" and depending on how much you love him, you'll learn to make your peace with it.
Religion is a personal matter for everyone
Although I agree that the OP made a very poor choice of words when trying to express herself, I disagree with your comments about making peace. You can't get into a relationship making peace with things that don't quite take your fancy.
Religion is a very personal matter which is why it can have a profound effect on any relationship. Contrary to popular belief, there aren't any rainbows, butterflies and pixies when someone is in love and therefore our personal choices have a very strong bearing on how successful or otherwise our relationships are.
It isn't even about Shia or Sunni. I don't really think too much about that because my brother from another mother (I know him for almost twenty years now) is married to a Shia girl and they're in their second year of a very blessed and happy marriage (Masha'Allah). Sure, religious differences is the label given in this situation but the real issue is the change in the persona of her fiance. I say all that only because the OP fell for a person who behaved a certain way and is now moving towards a different kind of behaviour. That is enough to cause doubts, insecurities and a whole plethora of other issues.
If he keep getting confused whom to follow, then he would keep causing confusion is your relationship with him. If he has a firm personality of his own and doesn't easily get carried away by either of the two school of thoughts, GOOD, otherwise he would swing like a pendulum and make you swing with him.
Whom to follow?
To my knowledge, the five pillars of Islam don't change between shia and sunni, nor does Allah and his prophet (saw).
It isn't even about Shia or Sunni. Sure, that is the label given in this situation but the real issue is the change in the persona of her fiance. I say all that only because the OP fell for a person who behaved a certain way and is now **moving towards a different kind of behaviour. **That is enough to cause doubts, insecurities and a whole plethora of other issues.
So you are saying is that if he became a more religious sunni then it would be the same issue?
Or if he became a less religious sunni?
Or suppose he changed his life work, that is a personal decision too.
So you are saying is that if he became a more religious sunni then it would be the same issue?
Or if he became a less religious sunni?
Or suppose he changed his life work, that is a personal decision too.
It would definitely be an issue if I felt it was an issue. Everyone has different thresholds, we're human after all.
So when you say X, Y or Z isn't an issue, it doesn't necessarily stand true for everyone else.
To my knowledge, the five pillars of Islam don't change between shia and sunni, nor does Allah and his prophet (saw).
When one tries to place his one foot on one boat and the other foot on another boat (even if the two boats are moving very close to each other and towards the same destiny) there would be a time when he would lose his balance and fall in the sea of ignorance, having his foot on neither of the two boats.
that he's leaning towards shia school of thought
OR
that he's changing as a person starting with religious beliefs and this will translate into other things (in which case it is definitely counting a lot of chickens before they hatch)
It would definitely be an issue if I felt it was an issue. Everyone has different thresholds, we're human after all.
So when you say X, Y or Z isn't an issue, it doesn't necessarily stand true for everyone else.
I wish to Allah that people did not fall prey to highlighting the differences between muslims, and rather focused on what unites us as one Ummah
When one tries to place his one foot on one boat and the other foot on another boat (even if those boats are moving very close to each other and towards the same destiny) there would be a time when he would lose his balance and fall in the sea of ignorance, having his foot on neither on the two boats.
When one tries to place his one foot on one boat and the other foot on another boat (even if those boats are moving very close to each other and towards the same destiny) there would be a time when he would lose his balance and fall in the sea of ignorance, having his foot on neither on the two boats.
Why are you talking about boats?
Hell I'm pretty sure no one mentioned water, sailing or balancing on two boats!
that he's leaning towards shia school of thought
OR
that he's changing as a person starting with religious beliefs and this will translate into other things (in which case it is definitely counting a lot of chickens before they hatch)
It could be either, we're not cookie cutter moulds.
Well I answered in response to the first case, because that is how I understood her situation
as for people changing, change is the only constant in life. The sooner we get used to it, the better. We ourselves change and grow with time, we cannot expect others to remain stagnant
as long as she is firm and unwavering in her beliefs, his beliefs (other than shirk and atheism) shouldnt matter.
I wish to Allah that people did not fall prey to highlighting the differences between muslims, and rather focused on what unites us as one Ummah
The ummah can remain united and have difference of opinion just like in any other field of life. They only need to respect each other's difference of opinion because it is impossible for all the humans to have exactly the same views on all the issues of life. We are not clones in terms of our thoughts.
You can't unite two professors in terms of convincing them to start thinking in the same manner, but you can convince them to start respecting each others views/perspectives and still follow/practice/preach what they are comfortable with and feel to be true.
No, no problem if s/he is from another sect, in three conditions:
S/he doesn't get into the argument of "my sect is better than yours" quite often (even indirectly) or doesn't touch the sensitive controversial issues between the two sects.
The couple agrees upon giving their child the choice of selection of his sect and not inculcate hatred for the other sect. (even indirectly)
One doesn't get toooooo emotional after listening to one's scholars who think inter marriage between the two sects is not good.
difference of religious beliefs DOES matter , when people are serous about them..........its not something to be ignored/left..
religion is very personal/identity related issue for many.......... can't always be politically correct when it comes to compatibility issues like these...........pragmatism needs to prevail.