I got married a few months bak to ABCD husband and i find it hard to cope up with him. I was born in paki n have been raised here , i lived here all of my life.Our marraige was a totally arranged marriage n YES my husband was willing to get married to me .Unfortunately we couldnt spend much time in paki , he left after a few days. But in those days i often felt dat my husband was a careless n was running away from responsibility. He is the youngest in his family n is extremely pampered by his mum . Also he has strange mis conceptions about paki gurls/women. he thinks a gurl in paki with a mob is sure to have a bf . i feel he has a lot of insecurities
I m still in paki waiting for my visa but i find it real hard to cope up with him , he doesnt call n we r kinda outtta telephonic conversation with each other , wen i think of it , i feel like crying , normal shaddi`s are not like dat . plz advice
yurut for a gurl in pakistan i must say ur english is excellent , it is hard to believe u r born n raised in pakistan n i guess dt goes to show dt pakistan in developing in a good way .. also by d above i dun mean ne offense .. s plz udn misunderstand..
abt ur problem .. i think u n ur husband did nt get time to grow close as it is an arranged marriage bt den agn he shud hve an interest like u do to grow close.. d fact dt he has insercurities may go to show dt he duz care abt u n wudnt like ne one else to b associated wid u .. bt den agn dt kinda insercurity cn be bad too. maybe u cn discuss d fact dt he does nt call u often wid him openly as u r now husband n wife n r each others partner for life u shud b able to discuss n share everyfin wid him .. inshallah everything will b fine . i wud say if he duz nt call u u call him n ask y he did nt call u . also tel him how u feel like if u miss him tell him dis may help u come closer.
well you havent started living with him yet.....so you dont know what tomorrow will bring......being with someone on the telephone is completely different than actually being right there with him....its takes a while to get to know someone....i knew my hubby for a while before we got married....but trust me its completely different once you start living together.....maybe there is a language barrier that holds him back from saying much?.....i hope he will come around and realize his responsibilites once you move here
aniisa : i got married 4 months bak, i can ring him up but he`s kinda *on the move *, u know sometimes at gym , sometimes out with friends n sometimes with family, i feel bad following him up behind. My visa may take a month or so
mizzrani : ABCD = Australian Born Complexed Desi
Pinkd Out : yes hes shy and so am i. B ut the thing is he gets flared up very easily n doesnt accept wat he has done wrong. he keeps lamenting how much he has to work wen i tell him to do sumthing , which infact shows his irresponsible attitude.one moment hes laffing with me n the next hes so loud i cant believe dats him
Sahar : I agree and dats waht exactly makes things much more harder for me . he ignores alot of things n i know no one from his family will tell him dat hes the one at fault. when we have an argument he wants the one to be listened which is often very harsh . i find it hard to accept the blame when hes at fault n this makes matters worse. I call him but not that frequently now
yurut, it might be his nature/personality that he doesn't show care in ways us girls want them to show or we show ourselves.. this includes frequent or even atleast just 1 sweet call ... even though he'll seem quite jolly and would talk to friends often.. as he is prob not used to speaking to you and perhaps would want to keep the friend n hus/wife relationship separate??. my hubby is abit like that in this way .. like he didn't feel the need to speak on the phone much.. but we were always in contact via email... like when we were engaged.. he would not call much and wouldn't realize when i spoke to him. it was just the way he was.. now that we are married... he has changed quite a bit.. obviously me haven said it how many times.. and when we were engaged, i never really spoked to him how it hurt him not showing care (in my opinion back then).
about the mob/bf issue, if your outside pak and go to uni/college.. or even online forums now-a-days.. you'll get to hear alot about how paki girls are now so corrupt n european/british whatever girls (asian/paki) are more shareef n all.. this concept seems to be growing largely... i live in UK too but i believe that there are wrong n right ppl everywhere.. Maybe hes heard something like that and has now started thinking negatively as he hasn't goten to know you as being a pakistani girl yet. I'm sure his thinking will change once you ppl start living together.
Don't be sad.. Insh'Allah everything will work out :=)
ask him why the heck did he marry you when he thought that paki raised girls were corrupt.... and now since he did, he shouldn't be complaining about it.
Yarut..how old are you and the guy too?...Im asking becuz age also plays a vital role in the responsibility stuff...also I would suggest that u read up some books on relationships as well as personality ones...your iown I mean...becuz u have to be aware of who you really are and how relationships develop and how to maintain them...We humans really r complex creatures though...so take it easy and give it some time....U have to be happy with your own self to provide and be happy with another human being:)...good luck!!
I hate to say this but maybe he just feels that the two of you are not compatible or felt that he was pressured into marriage. Did you two start arguing while he was still in Pakistan, or over the phone? I know that now that you are married you may want to sort out a lot before you leave for Australia, but sometimes you just need to relax and assess the situation when you arrive. You really haven't spent enough time with him to know whether or not he is a "mama's boy", and being the youngest will naturally make him a bit less mature than an oldest or middle child if he has always been pampered and spoiled.
I got married a few months bak to ABCD husband and i find it hard to cope up with him. I was born in paki n have been raised here , i lived here all of my life.Our marraige was a totally arranged marriage n YES my husband was willing to get married to me .Unfortunately we couldnt spend much time in paki , he left after a few days. But in those days i often felt dat my husband was a careless n was running away from responsibility. He is the youngest in his family n is extremely pampered by his mum . Also he has strange mis conceptions about paki gurls/women. he thinks a gurl in paki with a mob is sure to have a bf . i feel he has a lot of insecurities
I m still in paki waiting for my visa but i find it real hard to cope up with him , he doesnt call n we r kinda outtta telephonic conversation with each other , wen i think of it , i feel like crying , normal shaddi`s are not like dat . plz advice
Well Many congratuations! on your wedding!
I was almost in the similar situation. INSHALLAH everything will be fine once you'll start living togather, Well I got married about 8 months bk, I live abroad but my wife she is still in pakistan .... Will be here soon INSHALLAH, I spent only a month with her after my marriage which was not enough I know But I had to come bk becoz of my Job. In the beginning I had the similar thoughts as you but now I feel much better then b4 ... I call her almost every other day ...But she didn't call me even once ......whenever I complained she said "Aap jo kar laytay hein aik he baat hia" Now I think wat's the problem if she doesn't call me,... we are same. It was my own fault I was thinking negetively. So I will also advice you too start think positively If you want to keep your relationship alive. It is really important because you are just started a new life which requires lots of patience, Positive thinking n compromises on many things.
You need to talk to your husband becoz communication is a key in every relationship....tell him how do you feel like. Nobody else can help you unles you don't talk to him, Or wait till you go start living with him.
