Re: ABCD`s Husbands
^lol 
Re: ABCD`s Husbands
I m 22 , he is 23, but i can say i m much more maturer than him . we dint know each other at all before shadi, it was 100 cent arranged marriage. he stayed in paki after shadi for 12 daysa, the time was too short n there was lots to do . loadz of guests n dawats n literally no proper rest . all day long ppl kept pouring in to meet him , his family n the new bride and at night we usually had a dawat
wat i really find most difficult bout him is how to deal with him during an argument . he doesnt let me speak! he is the right one , i hafta accept dat at the end . sooner the better . but it keeps building anger inside me n at times wen there`s no communication on the phone i really get frustrated
Re: ABCD`s Husbands
I m 22 , he is 23, but i can say i m much more maturer than him . we dint know each other at all before shadi, it was 100 cent arranged marriage. he stayed in paki after shadi for 12 daysa, the time was too short n there was lots to do . loadz of guests n dawats n literally no proper rest . all day long ppl kept pouring in to meet him , his family n the new bride and at night we usually had a dawat
wat i really find most difficult bout him is how to deal with him during an argument . he doesnt let me speak! he is the right one , i hafta accept dat at the end . sooner the better . but it keeps building anger inside me n at times wen there`s no communication on the phone i really get frustrated
you know in the beginning some guys do act like that with their fiancees or wives whenever there's an arguement and that's usually because some guy's are hot headed but gradually they'll learn to cool down but i suggest you call him more often, if he doesn't call then you should start because communication is KEY to a successful relationship especially since you guys don't each other that well......i'm speaking out of experience and many girls go through this "he's weird" phase initially ......girls usually mature faster than guys so ofcourse you'll feel like you're more mature but try and be patient, which i know is soooo hard sometimes but you know when he cools down after an arguement that's the best time to talk to him about what he was saying cause trust me that realllly works and inshallah he'll understand that he needs to give you a chance to talk too
my fiance initially used to extremely hot headed and whenever we had arguements he would tell me to be quiet and i would be like "omg how dare he blah blah" but then after when he cools down i talk to him about his anger and then he realizes what he has done and alhumdullilah he's much more patient and hehe won't dare to say anything ....so it all comes with time, patience and communication
hope this helps :)
Re: ABCD`s Husbands
^ i honestly feel dat calling him more often will spoil him more , he s already irresponsible n he ll start taking it for granted . i dun call him much now caz i want him to make an effort. i know its not bout me or him its bout making an effort. i find his misconceptions about paki gurls appaling, i believe all sorts of ppl live everywheren besides wateva the masses do , i m his wife , he shud put his trust in me now . i get angered by him which he doesnt let me express. i find this situation really difficult
Nikka KaKa : thxx alot n many congrats to u too n good luck for ur marraige . hope ur wifey joins u soon :)
Re: ABCD`s Husbands
^ i honestly feel dat calling him more often will spoil him more , he s already irresponsible n he ll start taking it for granted . i dun call him much now caz i want him to make an effort. i know its not bout me or him its bout making an effort. i find his misconceptions about paki gurls appaling, i believe all sorts of ppl live everywheren besides wateva the masses do , i m his wife , he shud put his trust in me now . i get angered by him which he doesnt let me express. i find this situation really difficult
Nikka KaKa : thxx alot n many congrats to u too n good luck for ur marraige . hope ur wifey joins u soon :)
hmm i know this is gonna sound repetitive but have you ever asked him straight up why he acts like this........just talk to him :).....trust me i know how hard it is to be patient if your husband/fiance is hot headed .....but patience is a virtue so just tlk to him
Re: ABCD`s Husbands
when i will get married
i will tell you 
Re: ABCD`s Husbands
^ i honestly feel dat calling him more often will spoil him more , he s already irresponsible n he ll start taking it for granted . i dun call him much now caz i want him to make an effort. i know its not bout me or him its bout making an effort. i find his misconceptions about paki gurls appaling, i believe all sorts of ppl live everywheren besides wateva the masses do , i m his wife , he shud put his trust in me now . i get angered by him which he doesnt let me express. i find this situation really difficult
Nikka KaKa : thxx alot n many congrats to u too n good luck for ur marraige . hope ur wifey joins u soon :)
Hi again n thx for the compliments
I can understand your situation, After reading your reply I felt that You once again thinking about those negative aspects, How do you know that It will spoil him more if you would call him ???? .... He is your husband he is not a stranger ....you can call him whenever you want to ... so Please be positive n think positive.... Did you ever talk to him about his anger ???
As far as trust is concerned .... Do you think a month is enough time to know eachother or trust one another ???? I would say no ....your marriage is totally arranged So you need more time.... all you can do is wait wait n wait Please be patient as i said earliar!
Hope that helps
Good luck:)
Re: ABCD`s Husbands
bisoux : i did , he thinks he treats me fine n we have an excellent marraige . however i have been hearing things from cousins n in-laws that the reason he treats me like , doesnt praise me much , or doesnt talk much , isnt straightforward n has some kinda shuk on me caz he thinks i ll have a head high! can u imagine ?he`s the one wid head high or head empty , y the hell would i have a head high. he thinks paki gurls r like dat , they take u in trust n decieve or are not 100 cent loyal . waht the hell ?yes i know being patient is the hardest thing esp when ur hubby does not want to listen that he is wrong . however i try , but this keeps building anger inside of me which i think is not good for the relationship
nikka kaka : u have a point . but it hurts my ego, i think socially n religiously he shud call me , i shudnt be the one tracking him down everywhere
Re: ABCD`s Husbands
NEVER listen to what other people tell you about your marriage, especially cousins-in-law, younger sisters-in-law, and so on. Some people have nothing to do except to create drama where there are no problems. Call him once a week and leave it at that. As I said before, the idea of a totally arranged marriage can be a little difficult for some people who were born and raised here to come to terms with and I am sure that you both have completely different ways of communicating.
You aren't going to make the situation any better over the phone, and run the risk of making it worse. Relax, calm down, and focus on enjoying your time with your friends and family until you move to Australia.
And stop listening to other people.
Re: ABCD`s Husbands
It should be socially n culturally ONLY but not religiously. Our religion [as far as I know] does not teach us to keep an ego among spouses. He is your husband not a boyfren. Learn to differenciate between two and how to deal with them. If he is not calling due to some reasons and you want to talk to him then its YOU who have to call not him. And please take my advice, NEVER ever bring your EGO between you n your spouse. If you love him n care for him then you gotta show it first to earn his. Things don’t fall into one’s lap that easily .. you gotta work for it.
And as Nikka Kaka said, have patience AND faith in Allah . . . InshaAllah all will get better with the passage of time :k:
[added] I read the whole thread now and I really don’t know what to say about ur husband being so irresponsible. Did you consult with any elder person? Its better to involve one of ur parent to seek guidance b/c they would know better than anyone of us on this site.
Re: ABCD`s Husbands
bisoux : i did , he thinks he treats me fine n we have an excellent marraige . however i have been hearing things from cousins n in-laws that the reason he treats me like , doesnt praise me much , or doesnt talk much , isnt straightforward n has some kinda shuk on me caz he thinks i ll have a head high! can u imagine ?he`s the one wid head high or head empty , y the hell would i have a head high. he thinks paki gurls r like dat , they take u in trust n decieve or are not 100 cent loyal . waht the hell ?yes i know being patient is the hardest thing esp when ur hubby does not want to listen that he is wrong . however i try , but this keeps building anger inside of me which i think is not good for the relationship
nikka kaka : u have a point . but it hurts my ego, i think socially n religiously he shud call me , i shudnt be the one tracking him down everywhere
like someone just said Don't listen to other people cause they seriously do wanna create drama and are happy to see problems arising in other people's lives especially if they're envious or jealous of you
and as far as ego goes, ego only hurts you because it distances you from your husband ....i was actually thinking about "ego" just yesterday and coincidently you brought it up.....and i realized how if both people become stubborn it only creates more "dori" you know what i'm saying.....well these are just advices and it only comes down to what you think you should do ......just don't listen to others and don't completely lose touch with him and other than that these are just normal feelings that arise
it's ok if you're the first to call because you're his wife and it wouldn't lower your ego (there's no such thing as ego in marriage hun)
make dua, calm down, call him, don't listen to others who create unnecessary problems and inshallah you'll be happier :)
Re: ABCD`s Husbands
the guy lived with u for 12 days and u've made all these assumptions about him. u need to live with your husband and get to know him. stop listening to cousins and go live with him as soon as possible. right now u are in a long distance relationship and its causing all these misunderstandings.
Re: ABCD`s Husbands
the guy lived with u for 12 days and u've made all these assumptions about him. u need to live with your husband and get to know him. stop listening to cousins and go live with him as soon as possible. right now u are in a long distance relationship and its causing all these misunderstandings.
i second that . i think it's hard to know some one who is hardly for a few hours with you .. that too , for a fortnight ..
and yes things change when a person lives with another person , as they understand each other more .
Re: ABCD`s Husbands
Pretty sad…just divorce him ASAP…voilá… :k: 