What are we supposed to do the ones that are raised abroad. We get the safe, wonderful things of the west while growing up. Safety, security, a government that has the security of its citizens as it’s priority. We get all the positives of being raised in the US, Australia,UK..we see it as our country and love it.
Fobs had the advantage of having all the positives of being raised in that environment. They might be a lot more religiously knowledgeable, culturally knowledgeable, they might not be as effected by the few negatives of the western culture.
don’t want to compare abcds to fobs.
Don’t want the resentment bc desis are comparing the two and picking fobs as being pure and the better choice.
In the future it might get better.
But now, what exactly are the ones that didn’t have the advantage of being exposed to our culture fully and completely supposed to do? How do we shield ourselves from those in society that make generalizations about us and have these negative views about us regardless of us being traditional and have tried to keep ourselves as close to our culture but still get the short end of the stick with negative judgement and reactions?
I am not complaining or whining about desi society, I’m just asking what needs to be done now?
Sidenote: it’s not about me, I mean when we raise our kids abroad how can we raise our kids so they won’t be judged negatively even if we raise them in a traditional way and instill culture in them so they can be just as good as the girls that were raised in Pakisatn.
^^^^The day you let yourself worry about others opinions is the last day of your happiness, what you think of yourself is the most important thing...you look in that mirror, like the person you see!! hallelujah you are looking
at an amazing human being. Your first duty is to love yourself.
^^^^The day you let yourself worry about others opinions is the last day of your happiness, what you think of yourself is the most important thing...you look in that mirror, like the person you see!! hallelujah you are looking
at an amazing human being. Your first duty is to love yourself.
GG, people are always going to have opinions.. If they think that about you or me that's their loss.. Enjoy your life and make the most of the opportunities you have.. You shouldn't stress worrying about stuff like this..
It's not about me as such. I've been thinking about these generalizations about both groups of people for a while now.
Those thoughts of how an abcd/fob is....I'm just asking because that's the general view now how would we that were raised abroad balance things out so we also get the advantages that fobs might have gotten?
ok. What kind of advantages are specifically referring to? its not clear from your first post.
Why do desi men prefer to marry a woman not raised abroad as a life partner? What qualities do they possess in general that woman raised abroad don't have?
Why is Pakistan or Bangladesh or India considered first rather than a local desi girl if the man is abroad?
Do we need to start watching desi soap opera serials too in order to to know how to deal better with family politics?
Do we need to start watching desi soap opera serials too in order to to know how to deal better with family politics?
No, we don't. If some guys prefer to marry a girl from back home, who is docile, will put up with anything and prefers to spend her time being involved in family drama and politics, let them. There are still loads of other guys abroad who are happy to marry a local girl. I found one like that. :)
Why do desi men prefer to marry a woman not raised abroad? What qualities do they possess in general that woman raised abroad don't have?
Why is Pakistan or Bangladesh or India considered first rather than a local desi girl if the man a abroad?
Do we need to start watching desi soap opera serials too in order to to know how to deal better with family politics?
Most of the guys in my social circle have married girls from here or the West. Only a couple come to mind that have married from Pak. Honestly, it's never bothered me. It's not something I dwell on. The way I see it...you're ideally just going to marry one guy. This means that the rest will be turned down by you...or...you will be turned down by them....and it hurts more when you've invested emotional energy in a person, otherwise it should't if you don't know the person. It's like a job opening for which many candidates apply, but it will only go to one person. Treat the rishta process like that. It doesn't matter whom all the other guys are marrying...that's their qismat. That one guy you will marry will be more interested in you than your location.
No, we don't. If some guys prefer to marry a girl from abroad, who is docile, will put with anything and prefers to spend her time being involved in family drama and politics, let them. There are still loads of guys abroad who are happy to marry a local girl. I found one like that. :)
It's possible that the reasons for marrying a girl from Pak are that she will be more flexible, docile, pure, etc etc. But they could prove to be good wives and mothers...not all of them will be chalaak or the trouble-making kind. I think for many members here, our mothers were born and raised in Pak and we view them as positive examples, no? . As for family politics and drama...it exists in every marriage...and sometimes it can be avoided and other times you have to get involved to some extent. Op is going to marry one guy...and hopefully it will be just one....the rest will be rejected by her or by them. The one who is meant to be will look beyond the things she's worried about.
^I understand that. My point was that the OP shouldn't worry about the fact that some guys prefer to go back home to find a wife as there are still loads of guys who would happily marry a girl from their local area.
Most of the guys in my social circle have married girls from here or the West. Only a couple come to mind that have married from Pak. Honestly, it's never bothered me. It's not something I dwell on. The way I see it...you're ideally just going to marry one guy. This means that the rest will be turned down by you...or...you will be turned down by them....and it hurts more when you've invested emotional energy in a person, otherwise it should't if you don't know the person. It's like a job opening for which many candidates apply, but it will only go to one person. Treat the rishta process like that. It doesn't matter whom all the other guys are marrying...that's their qismat. That one guy you will marry will be more interested in you than your location.
The situations where most of the guys that married girls that were raised here were they arranged marriages? how did they meet?
^GlobalGal, in my experience, guys who marry girls in their own area usually take the initiative to find their own person via socialising and the like, rather than going the arranged marriage route. Also, socialising doesn't necessarily mean dating.
Global...some were arranged and some met on their own. So, a good mix.
I've seen both positive and negative examples of girls from both here and Pak...so rather than get into stereotyping, just see it as qismat. Marriage will not be a bed of roses for either group of girls; they both will go through ups and downs. If it's meant to be, it will.
You know the sate of local marriages in USA..The divorce rates in USA and then compare them with Pakistan.You will get you answer in a jeffy. P.s My parents are the perfect example for me that arranged marriage has top notch success rates..
ANd if you are USA born i would suggest you to find a decent local girl as you may have come compatibility issues with Pakistani 1s.
What are we supposed to do the ones that are raised abroad. We get the safe, wonderful things of the west while growing up. Safety, security, a government that has the security of its citizens as it's priority. We get all the positives of being raised in the US, Australia,UK..we see it as our country and love it.
Fobs had the advantage of having all the positives of being raised in that environment. They might be a lot more religiously knowledgeable, culturally knowledgeable, they might not be as effected by the few negatives of the western culture.
don't want to compare abcds to fobs.
Don't want the resentment bc desis are comparing the two and picking fobs as being pure and the better choice.
In the future it might get better.
But now, what exactly are the ones that didn't have the advantage of being exposed to our culture fully and completely supposed to do? How do we shield ourselves from those in society that make generalizations about us and have these negative views about us regardless of us being traditional and have tried to keep ourselves as close to our culture but still get the short end of the stick with negative judgement and reactions?
I am not complaining or whining about desi society, I'm just asking what needs to be done now?
Sidenote: it's not about me, I mean when we raise our kids abroad how can we raise our kids so they won't be judged negatively even if we raise them in a traditional way and instill culture in them so they can be just as good as the girls that were raised in Pakisatn.
Waw...! You love to live in west but you want to intill easter culture in them "so that they can be just as good as the girls that were raised in Pakistan"...is it me or anyone else find hypocrisy here?
^Most people who immigrated to the west, did so for the financial benefits and the better standard of living and opportunities, not because they admire western culture so much and wish to emulate it. It, therefore, stands to reason that they are still very fond of their culture and wish to instill it in their children. What is the harm in that?
