You can divorce your husband if you retain the right to divorce in your Nikkah contract.
Also, it's a husband's consent not permission that is required for Khula but if the husband refuses to give consent, the women can go to Court and have her Khula granted. She has to show that she is seeking Khula for a legitimate reason and there are countless legitimate reasons recognized in Muslim courts. In such cases, the woman is granted Khula even without her husband's official consent. The judge orders the husband to give his consent so that the wife can be free of him and marry someone else.
Khula is a muslim right. It's granted to you by the religion, and yeah sure, mayeb some crappy Pakistani document can take the "right away", but no such real thing. Even so you can get khulas in Pakistan even if you opted to remove the right in the nikkah nama. The nikkah shouldn't even have that clause in it.
You can divorce your husband if you retain the right to divorce in your Nikkah contract.
Also, it's a husband's consent not permission that is required for Khula but if the husband refuses to give consent, the women can go to Court and have her Khula granted. She has to show that she is seeking Khula for a legitimate reason and there are countless legitimate reasons recognized in Muslim courts. In such cases, the woman is granted Khula even without her husband's official consent. The judge orders the husband to give his consent so that the wife can be free of him and marry someone else.
Khula is a muslim right. It's** granted to you** by the religion, and yeah sure, mayeb some crappy Pakistani document can take the "right away", but no such real thing. Even so you can get khulas in Pakistan even if you opted to remove the right in the nikkah nama. The nikkah shouldn't even have that clause in it.
Khula is a muslim right. It's granted to you by the religion, and yeah sure, mayeb some crappy Pakistani document can take the "right away", but no such real thing. Even so you can get khulas in Pakistan even if you opted to remove the right in the nikkah nama. The nikkah shouldn't even have that clause in it.
PCG, yes Khula is a woman's right but you do need your husband's consent.
I am talking about retaining the right to divorce in your Nikkah contract. The right to divorce is different from the right to be granted Khula. In Muslim countries, you can put in a clause in your Nikkah contract that gives you the right to divorce and you don't need your husband's consent AT ALL. This is an additional right that a woman can request for and it's not granted to a woman by default.
But if you don't have that clause, then a woman can only resort to Khula and for Khula, you do need your husband's consent.
There are no conditions. Quit demonifying our religion. Khula is the female version of getting a divorce. If the husband doesn't cooperate, courts override him. The woman gets the justice in the end theoretically.
There are no conditions. Quit demonifying our religion. Khula is the female version of getting a divorce. If the husband doesn't cooperate, courts override him. The woman gets the justice in the end theoretically.
You do need a husband's consent first and foremost but if the husband is being extremely difficult and is abusive, then you can go to Court. The Court then listens to your reasons for requesting a Khula and grants it to you as long as your reason is legitimate. The legitimate reasons can be many such as "I don't have any feelings for him and I resent him therefore I do not wish to stay married to him."
Whereas the husband can divorce the wife and does not need her consent at all. And he doesn't need to go to Court to divorce his wife.
@PCG Twist it all you want, if it makes you feel any better. Unfortunately, women in the muslim world have been tortured and most judges don't rule in favor of women So khula or no khula.. It doesn't matter! They are suffering, you can close your eyes and discount that reality but it doesn't change anything!
Miss Noland. The theology and the reality are two different things. You can't expect much more from countries that don't practice proper Islamic law to begin with.
You don't NEED it ultimately. It helps but it is not required at the end of the day as you can theoretically justify yourself in court.
Semantics. I object to your use of the word "need". If there is an option B then option A is not the sole prerequisite to a divorce.
The Court only comes in the picture if the husband refuses to give consent. In all 4 schools of thought, you should first ask for your husband's consent and only if he doesn't give it, should you go to Court.
I agree in the end it doesn't really matter but the Court House environment in Pakistan isn't very friendly to women and most judges aren't very women friendly either! So in such cases a woman can feel stuck unless she has a good lawyer like Asma Jehangir representing her!
Miss Noland. The theology and the reality are two different things. You can't expect much more from countries that don't practice proper Islamic law to begin with.
What is proper Islamic law- Sharia? Forget it.. I would rather keep it the way it is. I will continue to expect more from mankind.
Without a doubt patience is a virtue. There can be no argument on that.
Having agreed upon that , it is also mentioned that there comes a point when tolerating torture is as much gunnah as actually committing the act of torture upon someone.
Where do you draw the line?
Forgive me because I don't know about the religious aspect of it....but at one time I would have agreed that putting up with crap and torture is just as bad as committing it....however I don't know if I can agree with that.
Taking the classic example of a wife who is beaten by her husband, often times teh self esteem and self confidence of a woman is down to zero where she doesnt believe she deserves any better. Half hte time hse won't have the family support to leave her husband or stop the zulm. Is it fair for her to also be punished twice? First by taking husband/inlaws' zulm and then again be punished because she put up with it?
I know women who went through tons of zulm in their early years but because they didn't want to get a divorce, or they didn't have the family support, or the lack of self respect, they put up with it. So they live their lives and get to a certain age that divorce won't make sense, and the best that they can do is advise the younger generation on how to not make the same mistakes.
Everyone here is talking about Khula. It's much easier to talk about it but it involves court procedures and many Pakistani women including myself are not very comfortable going to courts. When you actually think of going to court then you realise how much messy situation you are in.
Khula can be obtained in Pakistan by a woman if :
her husband is not fulfilling her financial needs.
is physically or emotionally abusive towards her.
is mentally unstable.
I so much agree with all the posters above that putting up with zulm for so many years ultimately deprives a woman from her self esteem , confidence , self respect / worth & she looses her sanity. I can tell you even in 1 years time a woman can loose all that. It's not at all easy to put up with abuse. I have seen someone from extended family putting up with her husband's abuse for like 20 years now and now she is at a point where she just can not control her speech , anywhere she goes she can just start on her husband, she cries because after all this her children treats her same way. Just by talking with her you can tell how much hurt she is from inside.
I myself feel from inside that I have wasted 1 year of my life and have literally lived in hell during that time and I wonder how these women feel when they put up with abuse for a decade or more than a decade.
I can assure that once you take a step ...a right step for yourself then Allah will help you. Ever heard of the phrase "ghaib sey madad" and thats true ! Life can never be all good and it can never be all bad. Just don't go to your death bed regretting how much crappy life you have lived and wishing you had taken a step for yourself because then it will be too late. Believe me no one will remember what you put up with during all those years.
Everyone here is talking about Khula. It's much easier to talk about it but it involves court procedures and many Pakistani women including myself are not very comfortable going to courts. When you actually think of going to court then you realise how much messy situation you are in.
Khula can be obtained in Pakistan by a woman if :
her husband is not fulfilling her financial needs.
is physically or emotionally abusive towards her.
is mentally unstable.
I so much agree with all the posters above that putting up with zulm for so many years ultimately deprives a woman from her self esteem , confidence , self respect / worth & she looses her sanity. I can tell you even in 1 years time a woman can loose all that. It's not at all easy to put up with abuse. I have seen someone from extended family putting up with her husband's abuse for like 20 years now and now she is at a point where she just can not control her speech , anywhere she goes she can just start on her husband, she cries because after all this her children treats her same way. Just by talking with her you can tell how much hurt she is from inside.
I myself feel from inside that I have wasted 1 year of my life and have literally lived in hell during that time and I wonder how these women feel when they put up with abuse for a decade or more than a decade.
I can assure that once you take a step ...a right step for yourself then Allah will help you. Ever heard of the phrase "ghaib sey madad" and thats true ! Life can never be all good and it can never be all bad. Just don't go to your death bed regretting how much crappy life you have lived and wishing you had taken a step for yourself because then it will be too late. Believe me no one will remember what you put up with during all those years.
Good post diamond.
Also, I was trying to say exactly the same thing regarding Khula. Getting a Khula isn't very easy for a woman in 'Islamic' countries. Husbands can be very difficult and don't give consent just out of spite. And then Court procedures can be very cumbersome, lengthy and generally the Court atmosphere can be very hostile towards women. It's not easy to get a Khula and I think that's where the balance does tip towards men. Men don't need to go to Court to divorce their wife nor do they need her consent. I think ideally, in order to protect herself the woman should always have a clause in her Nikkah contract that gives her the right to divorce, thus not depending on her husband's consent or the hostile Court system.
Forgive me because I don't know about the religious aspect of it....but at one time I would have agreed that putting up with crap and torture is just as bad as committing it....however I don't know if I can agree with that.
Taking the classic example of a wife who is beaten by her husband, often times teh self esteem and self confidence of a woman is down to zero where she doesnt believe she deserves any better. Half hte time hse won't have the family support to leave her husband or stop the zulm. Is it fair for her to also be punished twice? First by taking husband/inlaws' zulm and then again be punished because she put up with it?
I know women who went through tons of zulm in their early years but because they didn't want to get a divorce, or they didn't have the family support, or the lack of self respect, they put up with it. So they live their lives and get to a certain age that divorce won't make sense, and the best that they can do is advise the younger generation on how to not make the same mistakes.
Very valid question Sara. Few people would even think about this aspect.
I cannot comment specifically on the examples that you have given as I don't think that these things are as simple and clear-cut, however, with what you have provided I would be inclined to suggest that if a woman has faith and truly believes in the message of our prophet s.a.w. then she will have the strength to stand up to such zulm regardless of support from her family or anyone else.
I know of several women that were in similar situations, abused physically and emotionally, with no family to speak of and often with infants and toddlers that found the strength and removed themselves from harm.
When you truly believe that He who has put you here on earth will guide and support you; will look out for you, then and only then will doors open for you.
When we are motivated by "what people will say" rather than by what "Allah will say", then one can assume that we are far from the path that Islam has shown us. When we are fearful of circumstances other than those determined by Allah, then one can assume that we are certainly astray.