yes i know im posting this thread here not in religion section…
my question is..in todays world we muslims are very impatient…like if husband slap his wife..she gonna scream.shouts..cry..and will ask for divorce…i will do the same may be…
but ALLAH says "tamam Anbiay alahe salam ki zindagi hamare liye namoona ( Misal=example) hain..aur Quran mai bibi Asiya ra..ke Sabar ki misal di gaee hai…jo ke qayamat tak ke liye tamam ortou ke liye misal hai…so why we are sooo impatient?? why dont we just do Sabar n wait for sawab?
this thing came in my mind so just wanted to share…
yes i know im posting this thread here not in religion section...
my question is..in todays world we muslims are very impatient...like if husband slap his wife..she gonna scream.shouts..cry..and will ask for divorce...i will do the same may be...
but ALLAH says "tamam Anbiay alahe salam ki zindagi hamare liye namoona ( Misal=example) hain..aur Quran mai bibi Asiya ra..ke Sabar ki misal di gaee hai...jo ke qayamat tak ke liye tamam ortou ke liye misal hai...so why we are sooo impatient?? why dont we just do Sabar n wait for sawab?
this thing came in my mind so just wanted to share...
^If Islam advises us to be patient with others......it ALSO....advises us not to let our anger, pride, greed, get the better of us.
Why should the wife only be expected to show patience? I feel that desi culture (in several ways) not only creates roadblocks for women, but also puts women in a position where there is GREATER pressure upon them to be the ones to show patience and to compromise. One can also say.......why can't the husband also have patience....as opposed to abusing his wife? It's a two way street....involves efforts/compromise/patience from BOTH parties to make the marriage work.
Perhaps there is less patience today because society is more demanding, fast paced. Technology has made things faster, so perhaps we expect fast results and fixes even in relationships. Times have changed....gender roles/expectations have changed a bit as well. For example, women are working and more independent, this can affect the dynamics of marriage. There are more rights, opportunities, and possibilities for women now, whereas decades ago the only choice may have been to suffer and submit. The changes in society can be both positive and negative.
^If Islam advises us to be patient with others......it ALSO....advises us not to let our anger, pride, greed, get the better of us.
**Why should the wife only be expected to show patience? **I feel that desi culture (in several ways) not only creates roadblocks for women, but also puts women in a position where there is GREATER pressure upon them to be the ones to show patience and to compromise. One can also say.......why can't the husband also have patience....as opposed to abusing his wife? It's a two way street....involves efforts/compromise/patience from BOTH parties to make the marriage work.
Perhaps there is less patience today because society is more demanding, fast paced. Technology has made things faster, so perhaps we expect fast results and fixes even in relationships. Times have changed....gender roles/expectations have changed a bit as well. For example, more women are working. There are more rights, opportunities, and possibilities for women now, whereas decades ago the only choice may have been to suffer and submit. The changes in society can be both positive and negative.
you are right RV...but see in our desi culture...mostly in pakistan...the husbands wants control on his wife he will be strict...dont know why but its really hard for me to understand a desi man...even if he is my husband/father/brother....they will do or order what they FEEL is RIGHT...
anyways so my point was...if the husband is zalim...so shouldnt the wife be patient...like there was a thread about what if your spouse slap you...so far you or anyone will go with sabar?
and i also think sabar is a Gift from ALLAH...because only some people have this..and thats why it reward so much..
you are right RV...but see in our desi culture...mostly in pakistan...the husbands wants control on his wife he will be strict...dont know why but its really hard for me to understand a desi man...even if he is my husband/father/brother....they will do or order what they FEEL is RIGHT...
anyways so my point was...if the husband is zalim...so shouldnt the wife be patient...like there was a thread about what if your spouse slap you...so far you or anyone will go with sabar?
and i also think sabar is a Gift from ALLAH...because only some people have this..and thats why it reward so much..
We're supposed to follow the sunnah of the Prophet SAWS. And how to communicate respectfully and properly and how to treat others is mentioned in his sunnah. Husbands who treat their wives in a harsh manner, are not open to discussing issues with their wives, do not show flexibility and compassion, are not following the Prophet's example. They're following culture, instead. They're following culture's idea of masculinity perhaps.
Yes, some people are blessed with more patience than others. Lekin sabar ki bhi had hoti hai, Kinzz.
^And since patience is a difficulty quality, there is much reward attached to it. However, at the same time Islam has allowed us to seek compensation. If someone has wronged you, you are allowed retribution equivalent to the offense. Allah rewards us for Sabr, but at the same time He has allowed us ways to get out of oppressive situations because He doesn't want us to suffer oppression either. For example, divorce is a last resort in Islam......BUT.......it's a way out for women and men who may be going through a lot zulm in their marriage. Do you see what I mean? Patience has been advised......but along with patience.......Allah has also created consequences/punishments/various solutions to keep the abuser in check and to help the victim find relief.
Our anbiya-e-salam were no ordinary people. They were God sent and they had a purpose given by God. So we being ordinary and gunnah gaar human beings can not come to their level. Why am I saying this because I have Read so many fatwas regarding Hazrat Ibrahim telling his son Hazrat Ismail to leave his wife. Many many parents tell their son to divorce wife by quoting that same incident. My own MIL used to quote this example and used to tell her sons to divorce their wives. But my MIL and all other MILS are no way near Hazrat Ibrahim , he must had knowledge better than ordinary human being, he was sent to earth to set an example , these MILS are not sent to this world for a purpose defined by ALLAH. So we are ordinary beings with weak soul , we can never have that amount of knowledge and sabar as much as people from our religious history had.
I hope I was able to clear to you my point of view.
Without a doubt patience is a virtue. There can be no argument on that.
Having agreed upon that , it is also mentioned that there comes a point when tolerating torture is as much gunnah as actually committing the act of torture upon someone.
I think that when you try responding to such topics, that's the question that is in the back of most people's minds. Where do you draw the line? That would vary from person to person. For some people, it would depend upon the gravity of the mistake as opposed to the frequency. In other words, it could be your partner's first offense of that particular type, but it was soo huge, that it brings about an overall shift in perception & in the relationship that may be hard to overcome. For others, it could be the frequency of the mistake. X number of strikes and you're out. Everyone's different.
Islam hee hameen batata hai k Zulm per khamosh rehna, zulm kerney walye ka saath dainey k baraber hai.
Example you gave is extrema example and comes in category of Zulm. Saber ke example should be k ager acha khaney ko nahee mila , ya achey kaprey nahee delaeey miaan nai etc...
yes i know im posting this thread here not in religion section...
my question is..in todays world we muslims are very impatient...like if husband slap his wife..she gonna scream.shouts..cry..and will ask for divorce...i will do the same may be...
but ALLAH says "tamam Anbiay alahe salam ki zindagi hamare liye namoona ( Misal=example) hain..aur Quran mai bibi Asiya ra..ke Sabar ki misal di gaee hai...jo ke qayamat tak ke liye tamam ortou ke liye misal hai...so why we are sooo impatient?? why dont we just do Sabar n wait for sawab?
this thing came in my mind so just wanted to share...
Forget about Sabr, Islam also teaches us to pray 5 times a day. How many of us do that.
BTW, Bibi Asiya was firoun's wife, not the wife of any Nabi .. you are mixing 2 things together in your post
^ see.. u didnt get the point
jo jannat din main 2 seconds (2 thappers) kay zareeye kamaee jaa saakti hai tou phir 5 waqt ki namaazon kay zareeye kiyon?
So, if the religion shows Aasiyah (R) as being an example of patience, what makes you think she is ONLY an example for muslim females? Why is she not an example for muslim males?
Likewise, with that same thinking, we as women shouldn't really follow Muhammed's (SAW) example, because he was male and not female.
Doesn't make a whole lot of sense does it?
The virtue is patience. Applies to both men and women.
So, if the religion shows Aasiyah (R) as being an example of patience, *what makes you think she is ONLY an example for muslim females? Why is she not an example for muslim males? *
Likewise, with that same thinking, we as women shouldn't really follow Muhammed's (SAW) example, because he was male and not female.
Doesn't make a whole lot of sense does it?
The virtue is patience. Applies to both men and women.
because everyone is resposible for her/his OWN action...if someones husband is ZALIM..thats doesnt meant she will act like her husband too...cos he is not doing sabar...if a wife is patience then she going to get reward for this NOT her husband..
Kinzz, you should hardly get a reward for staying with a man that openly beats you, especially in front of his kids. Are you not then responsible for the trauma being inflicted on your kids, and on the possibility that the violence will then extend to your kids, by intent or accident?
He could throw something at you, and miss, and hit your kid. You wanna be responsible for that?
Sure, it is nice to be that virtuous woman who patiently works with her husband, but if she's tried some therapy with him and its still not working and the man is DANGEROUS to her life, she has a right to leave.
An ISLAMIC right, mind you. Islam allows you to leave an abusive situation by asking for a khula and moving out of your home and taking your kids away from a dangerous environment. No judge in the muslim world would fault you on that.
Using a hadith and misinterpreting it's application to ask women who are in abusive households endangering their health and their childrens' health to STAY IN THOSE RELATIONSHIPs is simply reckless.
I have seen enough Pakistani women who have shown ‘sabr’ all their lives living with abusive husbands only to become mentally weak, shattered and miserable. Before they know it, they are 50 years old with no confidence, no self esteem and no ability to encounter the outside world. Their husband suck the spirit out of them.
You show sabr when you encounter difficult times. You don’t show sabr when your husband is constantly abusing you, disrespecting you and not giving you your due rights. You walk out and that’s your religious right. If sabr was of such paramount importance in an abusive relationship, our religion would have never given us the option of divorce or khula.
You can get a khula from your husband without his permission. That's the whole point of it. It's a way to get a divorce from your husband if he's not willing to grant it to you.
Regardless, most countries have taken the concept and allow for women to file for divorce.
And most cases, unless we're talking about bribery cases, abused women will be granted freedom. If they choose to look for it...
You can get a khula from your husband without his permission. That's the whole point of it. It's a way to get a divorce from your husband if he's not willing to grant it to you.
Regardless, most countries have taken the concept and allow for women to file for divorce.
And most cases, unless we're talking about bribery cases, abused women will be granted freedom. If they choose to look for it...
NO...i think IF u have made this condition at the TIME of nikah that the girl will ask for KHULAH when ever she want then YES she can...
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..i never said she was wife of NABI