a woman's place

[Aish]

Re: a woman's place

im gonna go and decorate our room with pink fluffy pillows. that'll teach him. saala

[ahmadjee]

Re: a woman’s place

@Aishaaa2.1

what else can i threaten him with.

Maybe a 9 millimetre?

edit: a 9 millimetre is a pistol, in case I wasn’t clear enough.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: a woman's place

What can you threaten him with?

I mean, really, isn't it obvious? What is your best weapon?

[dope]

Re: a woman’s place

@Aishaaa2.1

what else can i threaten him with.

-fabricating a tale of mental and physical abuse to send his innocent ass to jail.
-pulling a lorena bobbit on him, this time only more vicious than the precedent.
-cheating on him with a bouncer and having your paramour kick his puny brown ass.
-poisoning him with arsenic.

good luck.

[Mehnaz]

Re: a woman’s place

@Aishaaa2.1

im gonna go and decorate our room with pink fluffy pillows. that’ll teach him. saala

pinky fluffy pillows and teddy bears. He’ll feel nauseated.

[Fayz]

Re: a woman’s place

@funguy

Get some decent purposeful education with a degree, find a job and BUY YOUR OWN DAMN HOUSE. Stop complaining here.

I agree. Times have changed.
OR If you are sharing house, you should learn to share as well. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: a woman's place

^ And its attitudes like these which should prompt females to make sure they have an education and a decent job before they settle down. No one screws with someone who has put themselves on their own two feet.

[Fayz]

Re: a woman's place

Definitely, I am all for independent women. Only then they can think about 'putting men in their place'. Jus the desire to maza chikha dooN gi doesn't cut it :-)

By the way there is nothing wrong with learning to share.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: a woman's place

fayz...i dont think its a sharing issue...you move to a new place especially where the territory isn't your own...you have to saccrifice a lot.

Including your ego. The house the bahu lives in is her MIL's home. What MIL says goes. What SIL also says goes. She's trying to make a place in the hierarchy. Typical social biology.

[Fayz]

Re: a woman’s place

@PyariCgudia

Including your ego. The house the bahu lives in is her MIL’s home. What MIL says goes. What SIL also says goes. She’s trying to make a place in the hierarchy. Typical social biology.

Learning to share doesn’t go for the bahu only.
I agree, it’s not easy but that shows the character of the person and the very nature.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: a woman’s place

Of course…and what tells you that the character of desis is pristine?

Gimme a break. Its all about power control. Best solution in these matters, if it can be afforded, is to get your own house. Teaches the kiddies who got married to become adults anyway.

[Fayz]

Re: a woman's place

Well, I would give desies benefit of the doubt. As long as there is one family who is civilized and knows how to live with eachother, there is hope. People shouldn't enter 'relationships' with generalizations, assumptions or negativity...it's a lost cause.
However, living independently is ideal. Unfortunately, it's a luxury which majority can't afford.

[Aish]

Re: a woman’s place

@PyariCgudia

What can you threaten him with?

I mean, really, isn’t it obvious? What is your best weapon?

bahaahah. ur evil. but that choice of weapon only works for so long

[system]

Re: a woman’s place

@Aishaaa2.1

seems like a woman has no place, no home. her parents’ home is not her home, her husband’s home is not her home. she leaves her parents’ house to go to another already established house, and has to fit in.

haha this is really random.

The only true and final (til Qiyamat of course) is the grave. I’ve always been taught a woman has three houses. Her parents house, her inlaws house and finally her grave.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: a woman's place

^ whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy do we have to keep thinking like that?

Why not just jive and be happy in whatever you're doing wherever you are...what is with this - us ka ghar yahan hai aur wahan hai...

home is a very subjective thing. let the woman decide what it means for herself.

Be fly my butterflies peace sign

[system]

Re: a woman’s place

@PyariCgudia

^ whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy do we have to keep thinking like that?

Why not just jive and be happy in whatever you’re doing wherever you are…what is with this - us ka ghar yahan hai aur wahan hai…

home is a very subjective thing. let the woman decide what it means for herself.

Be fly my butterflies peace sign

True, I know someone who is not living up to this. She is a divorcee and society can’t always accept it. She is living her life the "wrong " way.

Of course, if her ex would have left her instead of the other way around, people might have been less harsh on her.

As a woman, you really have to fight for you rights, fight to be an individual. Someone told me that ‘you’re not living your life, you’re letting others live your life’ . Unfortunately in so many cases this is true. And if as a woman you manage to make some choises which go against the so called mainstream, you often have to give in on other fields. It’s still not that easy for women to truly deicde how they want to live their life.

I admire the women who despite of everything managed to do that. They are heroes.

[lollypop_man]

Re: a woman's place

as a woman you are entitled to a share in your parents house just like the sons. you are also legally entitled to your husbands house. so wherever you live be your parents or husbands... both houses are yours if you really cared enough to make them yours. if it helps you things arent much rosier for men either... men are promptly shown the door by the parents right before college. most desi families i have come across give the girls the royal treatment till they are married and with parents having no real expectations from them.

but, im shocked at the issues posted by desi women its distressing and is a real eye opener. just for that...i am going to goto VS and buy the ipex demi for my woman today.

[WitchDr]

Re: a woman’s place

I posted it somewhere else as well. Some fuel for fire.

Marriage is adjustment and compromise. It is absolutely essential that adjustment and compromise come from both the sides. If a girl thinks that she should not change after marriage because she has left her home and is at the losing end, then I think she is sadly mistaken. Rather she is bluffing herself. Doing house work does not make anyone a servant. In the same house, the mother and the sister work as well. Girls work in their parents’ houses. If she is not doing a job, there is work to be done at home. A man can proclaim in a similar fashion that he is not going to do any job as he is not a servant of all at home. It is not being a servant. It is about feeling ones own responsibility for the well being of the family. Plenty of families have servants to help out. Anyways! If someone is not comfortable with the option of living in a combined family system, they should not go for such marriages. Forcing your husband to leave his household after marriage is unethical.

Leaving parents after marriage is not a sign of manhood. In our culture, essentially after children, the sole life-purpose of parents is the best possible upbringing of their children and they do it very selflessly. You may not agree, but I think children can never be able to pay back to their parents whatever they do. A son can at least make sure that his parents pass relatively happy days before they depart from this earth. Anyways! A lot of people are separating from their parents after marriage because of one reason or another. Personally, I learned a lot from my grand parents (May they rest in peace).

Many times, though, it IS better to split to avoid the incessant bickering. Girls should realize, however, that when they are old women and when their sons will get married, the same thing will happen to them. Their beloved sons will leave them in their old age to live with no-good girls they will call their wives. It all comes back.

The irony can also be observed that a wife herself is very vehement in getting separated from her in-laws, but at the same time force her brother to stick with their parents after marriage. Similarly, a mother who is very much for keeping his married son with her forces her own daughter to get separated from her in-laws. Somehow, they manage to bring-up the finer points which make the situation totally different for their own family.

Living alone does not reduce the number of quarrels. Only the nature of those quarrels changes. Actually, it is very normal to have quarrels whenever two persons are living together.

A man’s role is pivotal in the success of a combined family system. He needs to strike a delicate balance to keep everyone happy. A failure on his part will result in a lot of people being left unhappy. I give a very large part of the responsibility to the male member (almost twice that of the female 66%).

We all strive to be happy. Some succeed, some don’t. We all look forward to happiness in events which are going to happen in future. We think we will be happy when we are living alone, when we have a house, when we have a big car, when we have 1 boy & 1 girl, and blah blah. We attribute our happiness to something which we haven’t seen yet and thence we don’t realize the joys of things we have today.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: a woman's place

Witchdr, you have a point. If a man is staying with his parents, its fine and manly as long as he is taking charge and paying bills, etc.

In many situations I have seen, the groom's father is still holding reigns since his income is being used to support the house. This doesn't teach the son much responsibility. Believe me, moving out and having to pay your own bills and house/apt hunting, etc etc all are good growing-up experiences.

And a guy can take VERY good care of his parents while living in another home, so taking care of parents is a non-issue in this situation.

[saimanyc]

Re: a woman's place

No actuallly I feel like I have 3 homes. My families are very close knit. I live in LA, parents in Canada, In-Laws in Michigan. I've spent alot of time with my In-Laws and my mil is very cool. Sure in the early years of marriage, I was very conscious of how to fit in and understand the family routine because it was so different from my own. But mutual respect goes a long way. I sacrifice a little and my mil does too. There really is a way to live in harmony for dil and mil.