This is shameful. Whatever the reasons be, I dont think anyone can deny a woman's right to live separately. What could add more to her parents' stress than having kept and taking care of their married daughter and her kids with them for 8 years!!! aor us pe logo ki baaten. This society of ours, not less than devours the party in such situations.
Well I dont know the wife is stubborn or what, what makes me angry is the complete helpless and poor stance of the husband. I cant imagine why is the wife even entertaining such a husband who comes to stay over only. Its HIS duty to arrange a respectable living for his family. If he cant afford it, his parents should be thoughtful enough, because at the end of the day, the poor guy looses everything just to earn the jannah under the feet of his mother. I dont know what kind of mothers really bear their son's married life go suffer like this. (unless the wife is really one monster of a woman and well, all evil)
I think your friend's parents are guilty too. If they can, they should support their daughter manage a separate home. Well since they are affording her expenses already, why not do it in a better way. I dont think parents do ehsan on their kinds any time thye can do anything for them, it be girl's or boy's parents. But a married girl still living at her parents, eerr, sounds more like a jag hansaayi. Its sad, but it should be avoided if it can.
why do you think that is such a remote possibility??? your whole post is based on the assumption that the husband and his mother are at fault........... why not give equal probability to both assumptions?? yeh kya baat hui?
^ because I am not told the other side of the story Nomi. And from what it sounds like, its really lame. And if the woman is that an evil really, why doesnt the husband simply leave her and bring a better wife home who is actually not evil*. Why does he have to go and stay over at his inlaws to see his wife. I dont know honestly that just sound so weird. The husband is guilty either way. He should either make his wife live with whatever he can afford or simply have the courage to call a spade a spade if he thinks they cant see eye to eye.
And I didnt say that his mother is at fault. Being a man, a husband, its his duty to take care of his responsibilities as a son and as a husband. He is to be blames if either party is unhappy and having issues.
Ok I guess I shouldve explained the "mmaika" situation. Her stepdad and mom and siblings live in maika. The siblings from stepdad are very disrespectful towards her. In the maika her son gets slapped here and there by these siblings on every little thing. Her mother has told her to get out many times but isnt shoving her out. I consoled her and said that at least her mom is keeping her. She says she doesnt feel like she can cook anything for her son there specially because people might say why are you giving him stuff (she comes from a poor family). Apparently in her maika her mom hits her too.
Pros of inlaws (IMHO):
That is where her husband is so that is where she should be
Less people, less mouths to feed
more educated people, her son would benefit from the company of his cousins once friendship is established
noone hits her son or her
I’m not understanding the situation…
So she’s married and has a child.. but won’t live with her hubby because he can’t afford to get a place of their own, and she doesn’t get along with her MIL… So she’s living at her parent’s place where her and her child are treated like crap?
I was under the impression that once a girl is married, she’s treated like a princess when she comes to visit, or in this case stay, at her “maika”… .
So she wasn’t kicked out of her MIL’s house, and her own mother is not physically shoving her out of her house, but is telling her to “get out”.
Perhaps she needs to realized she’s married. If her husband can’t afford to live separately from his family, that’s not his fault. She’s allowing him to “visit” his son, cool. But the son and the father are missing out on some serious father/ child bonding time. And that’s not fair to either one of them.
And I totally agree with Hareem. NO one should hit any kid, let alone someone else’s… And the icing on the cake in this story, she’s a married woman and her mother hits her??
It could be because we don’t have the other side of the story here, but I’d much rather live with a controlling MIL than a family that treats me and my child like crap.
It could be because we don't have the other side of the story here, but I'd much rather live with a controlling MIL than a family that treats me and my child like crap.
You'd think that'd be the case but emotions play a big part. Especially growing up in an abusive home (which it seems like the wife in question did), you don't know any better. plus, maa ka ghar is maa ka ghar, and in laws are in laws. And it's not like the in laws are such farishtas either. Just cz theyr'e educated doesn't make them better people--they're still verbally/mentally abusive to her. Either way, it's a crappy situation.
On another note, this is the 3rd/4th time I'm hearing about awful stepparents..... why do step parents act liek such monsters. :(
Demesne before you showed us the situation of her maika, things still sounded curable, but look at this now. This all sounds so sad and horrible. Even if the inlaws are taking advantage of her miserable position at her parents, what is she bequeathing her son in such an atmosphere. And I wonder even more, how does the husband bear his son being hit (even if he doesnt care for his wife) and mistreated at the hands of the step relations. I can understand that the wife has lost her will power and courage, as she might be facing the same ill behaviour even before her marriage, but well the kid shouldnt be facing all this. I wonder how will he grow up this way. girls get subdued and suppress the anti feeling that rises in this misery but ofcourse boys can get revengeful and all that. As disturbing situation as this is, I can only pray Allah gives your friend (or whoever she is) strength enough to take stand for her SON, if nothing else. Tell her to do some job or anything, and manage to live separately from the parents. If she has to live in misery, she should better end up being alone.
And yes I think for the sake of kid, if nothing else, I would have gone back to bear the ill treatment of my saas rather than being hit by my mother and have my son mis treated by my step siblings.
^ as I mentioned she is poor. For the sake for her son I am telling her to move back with the inlaws as so far it's only cos of her mother that she has a home at maika. and even that is not a great home. Trying to help her with rations and give her things for her son, but I am surprised that she doesn't seem to understand that her basic home is with her husband
.